The Awl http://www.theawl.com/ Be Less Stupid Thu, 29 Sep 2011 11:30:55 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.2 Dog Climbs Tree http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/dog-climbs-tree http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/dog-climbs-tree#comments Thu, 29 Sep 2011 11:30:55 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/dog-climbs-tree
I am not so much interested in the topiary-scaling skills of this Jack Russell terrier, impressive as they may be. No, what really gets me about this clip is the giggle of girlish glee emitted by broadcaster Dara Brown as the tape unspools. Brown, of course, runs the weird animal story desk for "Today"; those of us with an enthusiasm for eccentric critter tales have long appreciated the seriousness with which she approaches the beat. It's not just competent professionalism—when Dara Brown introduces a piece about a baby tiger who believes he is a baby elephant, you know that Dara Brown takes that story just as seriously as you do, that she understands the importance of the weird animal story as a crucial part of our media diet. So when Dara Brown, who has seen more canines climb shrubs than many of us have had warm baths, cannot help but chuckle approvingly during what should be an absolutely routine recounting of sapling ascension by a plucky pooch, it says something very profound about the human capacity for joy. Perhaps especially in these troubled times, we too often reflect upon the more gloomy aspects of our nature; it is nice to be reminded that there is also, within every darkened heart, a place in which the laughter lives. Dara Brown is proof. Also, check out that dog! It totally climbed that tree!

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I am not so much interested in the topiary-scaling skills of this Jack Russell terrier, impressive as they may be. No, what really gets me about this clip is the giggle of girlish glee emitted by broadcaster Dara Brown as the tape unspools. Brown, of course, runs the weird animal story desk for "Today"; those of us with an enthusiasm for eccentric critter tales have long appreciated the seriousness with which she approaches the beat. It's not just competent professionalism—when Dara Brown introduces a piece about a baby tiger who believes he is a baby elephant, you know that Dara Brown takes that story just as seriously as you do, that she understands the importance of the weird animal story as a crucial part of our media diet. So when Dara Brown, who has seen more canines climb shrubs than many of us have had warm baths, cannot help but chuckle approvingly during what should be an absolutely routine recounting of sapling ascension by a plucky pooch, it says something very profound about the human capacity for joy. Perhaps especially in these troubled times, we too often reflect upon the more gloomy aspects of our nature; it is nice to be reminded that there is also, within every darkened heart, a place in which the laughter lives. Dara Brown is proof. Also, check out that dog! It totally climbed that tree!

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/dog-climbs-tree/feed 10 A Tree Grows http://www.theawl.com/2011/07/a-tree-grows http://www.theawl.com/2011/07/a-tree-grows#comments Tue, 26 Jul 2011 16:00:06 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2011/07/a-tree-grows
Through the miracle of time-lapse photography, some guy captured the transformation of an acorn into an oak tree. Or, at least, a baby oak tree. What do you call it, a sapling? I am not an dendrologist, so what do I know? Anyway, this seems remarkably reminiscent of the filmstrips they would show the children of the '70s. It's kind of trippy and chill or whatever. Enjoy. Maybe ponder the wonders of nature while you're at it. Actually, just handle it however you want. I trust you.

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Through the miracle of time-lapse photography, some guy captured the transformation of an acorn into an oak tree. Or, at least, a baby oak tree. What do you call it, a sapling? I am not an dendrologist, so what do I know? Anyway, this seems remarkably reminiscent of the filmstrips they would show the children of the '70s. It's kind of trippy and chill or whatever. Enjoy. Maybe ponder the wonders of nature while you're at it. Actually, just handle it however you want. I trust you.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/07/a-tree-grows/feed 1 Tree Looks Like Painting http://www.theawl.com/2011/06/tree-looks-like-painting http://www.theawl.com/2011/06/tree-looks-like-painting#comments Thu, 23 Jun 2011 11:40:46 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2011/06/tree-looks-like-painting Here you will find a tree that resembles Edvard Munch's The Scream.

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]]> Here you will find a tree that resembles Edvard Munch's The Scream.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/06/tree-looks-like-painting/feed 11 A Tree Grows In Pumpkin http://www.theawl.com/2010/10/a-tree-grows-in-pumpkin http://www.theawl.com/2010/10/a-tree-grows-in-pumpkin#comments Tue, 05 Oct 2010 13:50:16 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2010/10/a-tree-grows-in-pumpkin
Let's all take a moment to enjoy the majesty of a pumpkin growing in a tree. Life is certainly full of delightful surprises sometimes, isn't it! Okay, back to work.

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Let's all take a moment to enjoy the majesty of a pumpkin growing in a tree. Life is certainly full of delightful surprises sometimes, isn't it! Okay, back to work.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2010/10/a-tree-grows-in-pumpkin/feed 4 Tree Smells Like Come http://www.theawl.com/2010/07/tree-smells-like-come http://www.theawl.com/2010/07/tree-smells-like-come#comments Mon, 19 Jul 2010 14:40:11 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2010/07/tree-smells-like-come I should have Perez Hilton'd this bitch up and photoshopped some jizz in place of the apple, but instead I'm just going to go with "And how." It's hot out today and I'm feeling kind of lazy."When it comes to the tree of heaven, Lorraine Johnson doesn't beat around the bush. 'There's no doubt,' says the author and native plant expert. 'It smells like semen.'"
-This article discusses Ailanthus altissima, also known as "sperm tree, semen tree, ghetto palm, stink tree," jizz timber, spunk sapling, splooge blossom and ejaculate conifer. (I may have made a couple of those up, see if you can guess which.) Anyway, now you know.

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]]> I should have Perez Hilton'd this bitch up and photoshopped some jizz in place of the apple, but instead I'm just going to go with "And how." It's hot out today and I'm feeling kind of lazy."When it comes to the tree of heaven, Lorraine Johnson doesn't beat around the bush. 'There's no doubt,' says the author and native plant expert. 'It smells like semen.'"
-This article discusses Ailanthus altissima, also known as "sperm tree, semen tree, ghetto palm, stink tree," jizz timber, spunk sapling, splooge blossom and ejaculate conifer. (I may have made a couple of those up, see if you can guess which.) Anyway, now you know.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2010/07/tree-smells-like-come/feed 27 Trees Get Into Global Warming Act http://www.theawl.com/2009/12/trees-get-into-global-warming-act http://www.theawl.com/2009/12/trees-get-into-global-warming-act#comments Tue, 15 Dec 2009 15:50:41 +0000 Dave Bry http://www.theawl.com/2009/12/trees-get-into-global-warming-act treeGreat. Now even the trees are going to destroy the planet. A major bummer of an article in Nature explains that, due to global warming, trees are growing farther north than they have before. And how, because tree-tops are darker than barren land, they have less "albedo" (that's a cool word!) or "reflectiveness," and so the earth with absorb more heat from the sun. "When the vegetation moves in, there will be an amplification of the warming," says Inez Fung, an atmospheric physicist at the University of California, Berkeley. If you're now wondering whether we're supposed to do with trees-chop them down or not-it doesn't matter, apparently. The article goes on to say that the Arctic is changing faster and more dramatically than scientists thought it would, and, that, basically, we're fucked. "Asked what her team's findings might mean for the international climate negotiations going on in Copenhagen, Fung says she is impatient to see progress. But she also sounds somewhat fatalistic. 'Whatever they agree to," she says, "is not fast enough to stop the changes that we are seeing.'"

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]]> treeGreat. Now even the trees are going to destroy the planet. A major bummer of an article in Nature explains that, due to global warming, trees are growing farther north than they have before. And how, because tree-tops are darker than barren land, they have less "albedo" (that's a cool word!) or "reflectiveness," and so the earth with absorb more heat from the sun. "When the vegetation moves in, there will be an amplification of the warming," says Inez Fung, an atmospheric physicist at the University of California, Berkeley. If you're now wondering whether we're supposed to do with trees-chop them down or not-it doesn't matter, apparently. The article goes on to say that the Arctic is changing faster and more dramatically than scientists thought it would, and, that, basically, we're fucked. "Asked what her team's findings might mean for the international climate negotiations going on in Copenhagen, Fung says she is impatient to see progress. But she also sounds somewhat fatalistic. 'Whatever they agree to," she says, "is not fast enough to stop the changes that we are seeing.'"

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2009/12/trees-get-into-global-warming-act/feed 14 The English Elm of Washington Heights, or, 'The Trees of Manhattan Island Are Gradually Following the Fate of the Red Men' http://www.theawl.com/2009/08/in-the-weeds-the-english-elm-of-washington-heights-or-the-trees-of-manhattan-island-are-gradually-following-the-fate-of-the-red-men http://www.theawl.com/2009/08/in-the-weeds-the-english-elm-of-washington-heights-or-the-trees-of-manhattan-island-are-gradually-following-the-fate-of-the-red-men#comments Mon, 24 Aug 2009 19:34:32 +0000 Matthew Gallaway http://www.theawl.com/2009/08/in-the-weeds-the-english-elm-of-washington-heights-or-the-trees-of-manhattan-island-are-gradually-following-the-fate-of-the-red-men In the WeedsLooking north from the intersection of St. Nicholas and Amsterdam Avenues toward 163rd Street in Washington Heights, you might notice what appears to be an exceedingly large tree. And as the August heat radiates off the surrounding pavement, you might say to yourself: WTF, is that a mirage? Because really, there's nothing about the neighborhood-replete with liquor stores, decaying apartment palaces, abandoned lots and vacant storefronts-that would seem to lend itself to hosting such a magnificent specimen.

In the Heights

This is the English Elm of Washington Heights. Close to 200 feet tall and at least 300 years old, it was planted on the original Morris Estate, some remnants of which can be found a few blocks to the south between St. Nicholas and Edgecombe Avenue. (This is also the site of the Morris-Jumel Mansion, the oldest house in New York City.)

OH HI HERE I AM

As a New York Times blog post from 1901 informs us, Washington Heights was once home to many historic trees, including an aged willow 'of enormous girth' at St. Nicholas Place, 13 gum trees planted by Alexander Hamilton (one for each of the original colonies), and a large number of Egyptian cypress trees originally intended for the Tuilleries Gardens in Paris but purchased from Napoleon I-then about to get his ass kicked at Waterloo-by Stephen Jumel and planted 'on his grounds and around his house.'

COME ON THEN

The English Elm is the last living member of this group. That it has survived is somewhat miraculous, given that-again quoting the 1901 Times blog-'[c]ity life is not healthy for trees [and] their existence has been hampered continually and has been sacrificed to the advance of municipal improvements. Underground excavations can be as fatal to a tree as the woodman's axe, by the unavoidable destruction of roots and the curtailment of space for them to grow in. The roots may also become asphyxiated by leaking gas and the result in time will be the death of the tree. Electric lights in close proximity to trees is said to be detrimental to their health.' Not to mention high winds and lightning!

CLIMBEE

I walked past the tree recently and spent a few minutes discussing it with a man nearby sweeping the walk. 'Did you know that George Washington slept under this tree?' he asked.

'I didn't,' I said, although the story seemed plausible, given that George is known to have watched Manhattan burn from the Morris-Jumel mansion, where he was headquartered during some portion of the Revolutionary War.

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]]> In the WeedsLooking north from the intersection of St. Nicholas and Amsterdam Avenues toward 163rd Street in Washington Heights, you might notice what appears to be an exceedingly large tree. And as the August heat radiates off the surrounding pavement, you might say to yourself: WTF, is that a mirage? Because really, there's nothing about the neighborhood-replete with liquor stores, decaying apartment palaces, abandoned lots and vacant storefronts-that would seem to lend itself to hosting such a magnificent specimen.

In the Heights

This is the English Elm of Washington Heights. Close to 200 feet tall and at least 300 years old, it was planted on the original Morris Estate, some remnants of which can be found a few blocks to the south between St. Nicholas and Edgecombe Avenue. (This is also the site of the Morris-Jumel Mansion, the oldest house in New York City.)

OH HI HERE I AM

As a New York Times blog post from 1901 informs us, Washington Heights was once home to many historic trees, including an aged willow 'of enormous girth' at St. Nicholas Place, 13 gum trees planted by Alexander Hamilton (one for each of the original colonies), and a large number of Egyptian cypress trees originally intended for the Tuilleries Gardens in Paris but purchased from Napoleon I-then about to get his ass kicked at Waterloo-by Stephen Jumel and planted 'on his grounds and around his house.'

COME ON THEN

The English Elm is the last living member of this group. That it has survived is somewhat miraculous, given that-again quoting the 1901 Times blog-'[c]ity life is not healthy for trees [and] their existence has been hampered continually and has been sacrificed to the advance of municipal improvements. Underground excavations can be as fatal to a tree as the woodman's axe, by the unavoidable destruction of roots and the curtailment of space for them to grow in. The roots may also become asphyxiated by leaking gas and the result in time will be the death of the tree. Electric lights in close proximity to trees is said to be detrimental to their health.' Not to mention high winds and lightning!

CLIMBEE

I walked past the tree recently and spent a few minutes discussing it with a man nearby sweeping the walk. 'Did you know that George Washington slept under this tree?' he asked.

'I didn't,' I said, although the story seemed plausible, given that George is known to have watched Manhattan burn from the Morris-Jumel mansion, where he was headquartered during some portion of the Revolutionary War.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2009/08/in-the-weeds-the-english-elm-of-washington-heights-or-the-trees-of-manhattan-island-are-gradually-following-the-fate-of-the-red-men/feed 3 A Michael Jackson Is Best Measured When It Is Down http://www.theawl.com/2009/07/a-michael-jackson-is-best-measured-when-it-is-down http://www.theawl.com/2009/07/a-michael-jackson-is-best-measured-when-it-is-down#comments Mon, 06 Jul 2009 15:30:53 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2009/07/a-michael-jackson-is-best-measured-when-it-is-down It looks more like Tito to meA family in Stockton, CA, claims the image of Michael Jackson made itself manifest on their tree stump on the day of his death. "'Michael Jackson was an icon to us,' said one neighbor. 'To Stockton, Michael Jackson meant more to us than Jesus, to some people. I think they're both about even.'" MSNBC talking head/Awl photojournalism correspondent Ana Marie Cox, who was scheduled to appear on the tree prior to Jackson's passing, had no comment.

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]]> It looks more like Tito to meA family in Stockton, CA, claims the image of Michael Jackson made itself manifest on their tree stump on the day of his death. "'Michael Jackson was an icon to us,' said one neighbor. 'To Stockton, Michael Jackson meant more to us than Jesus, to some people. I think they're both about even.'" MSNBC talking head/Awl photojournalism correspondent Ana Marie Cox, who was scheduled to appear on the tree prior to Jackson's passing, had no comment.

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