Normally I would say that the best part of this "Early Show" interview with Transformers star Megan Fox is her tongue-in-cheek assessment of the film. "I'm in the movie, and I read the script, and I watched the movie, and I still didn't know what was happening," Fox tells Harry Smith. "So I think that if you haven't read the script, and you go and see it and you understand it, you may be a genius.... This is a movie for geniuses." But no! The best part of this "Early Show" interview with Transformers star Megan Fox is the way Harry Smith uses his stack of notes to hide what is no doubt a MASSIVE ERECTION. Dude's got it BAD.

"Nick Cage wasn't a big actor when I cast him," Transformers director Michael Bay tells the Wall Street Journal, "nor was Ben Affleck before I put him in 'Armageddon.' Shia LaBeouf wasn't a big movie star before he did 'Transformers'-and then he exploded. Not to mention Will Smith and Martin Lawrence, from 'Bad Boys.' Nobody in the world knew about Megan Fox until I found her and put her in 'Transformers.' I like to think that I've had some luck in building actors' careers with my films." Also, the robot testicles in Revenge of the Fallen are actually "construction balls." Now you know!

Is Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen racist? That's what some viewers are saying after seeing the movie (which one reviewer called "endless, extremely long and unbelievably loud and nonsensical") and its characters Mudflap and Skids, who "constantly brawl and bicker in rap-inspired street slang. They're forced to acknowledge that they can't read. One has a gold tooth." READ MORE

We all know Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen is 2 hour and 27 minute tribute to Megan Fox's ample bosom, but is it possible that it's also an endorsement of the neoconservative worldview? Yeah, sure, why not?

Have you ever fallen into a city-sized Cuisinart that is grinding its way through a vast Chinese scrap metal field and had your face abraded with shards of aluminum and eyelash-size scraps of rusty torn iron, so all the skin is peeling off your face, your delicate nose-bones being flayed by grinding gear bits and yesterday's shredded microchips and at the same time that song "Citizen Soldier" from the National Guard commercials is blaring at top volume, and somewhere in the distance you can see that "The Hurt Locker" is screening for no good reason and there is sand inside what remains of your teeth and then Megan Fox float-flounces by (like the cow in "Twister"!) with her nipples nearly pouring out of her crop-top camisole and some kid is trying to give her a flower but she is like "I am sooo busy getting highly paid and even though the makeup department set their mirror to 'evening' instead of 'day' and so my beautiful perfect skin is sort of plastered needlessly with foundation, I am still the hottest sex doll on two legs," and so she doesn't take the flower, the poor sad flower, which stands for natural beauty, a flower which is then blenderized like a sad goose sucked into a jet turbine? If so, then you have seen the new "Transformers" movie, which opens tonight at midnight, and despite all this awful noise and machinery, the real star of this movie is Megan Fox's rack, which is unparalleled in our modern time. READ MORE