Say that you had two friends who had literally never been to Brooklyn. (This may actually not be impossible that you do have such friends.) And these two friends are coming to New York City this weekend, and they have blocked out Saturday morning and afternoon to Experience the Wonders of New York City's most populous borough (and the state's most populous county)!

I've been stumped for weeks about their itinerary and so I turn to you. Now, while I'm tempted to send them for a walk along the Gowanus (there are bat houses alongside the Gowanus now! I love it!), that seems unsporting and like something that [...]

Yesterday's post office stabbing-yes, we had one of those! In which a boy from Avenue D who loved pigs got stabbed either randomly or less so on the steps of the giant post office that will never become Penn Station-was documented by an apparently philatelically-inclined German tourist. This tourist begged for anonymity from the papers (as he now realizes when you stick your neck out in New York, we stab that neck). But New York Post photog G. N. Miller was there to snap Herr Dolph Himmlerstein, or whatever his real German name is, for posterity. (Psst: He's the white one!) Thanks, Posties! Now, Internet: please identify this [...]

Add yet one more reporter to the long list of those getting arrested in New York! The chair of McGill's daily publications society board of directors, 21-year-old Aaron Vansintjan, might be interested in Occupy Wall Street, according to his Google+ profile and Facebook, but he actually got arrested for climbing a hill to go visit the Cloisters as a suspect in a made-up robbery, in one of the best New York City cops-gone-wrong stories in recent history¹. Miranda rights? WHAT ARE THOSE? On his tour through New York City's holding cells, he got to see the city's ugly secret: everyone else being held was African-American [...]

Untraditional tourist activities for this coming weekend recommended by Awl readers include: The Brooklyn cyclones, the dance party on Governors Island and what is apparently a swinger's party. ("Single men (or women) are NOT allowed but a couple may elect to bring an extra girl for an additional $30 on any night.")

The line at Grimaldi's yesterday afternoon stretched halfway down the waterfront Dumbo block, as it does most days-the pizza place has developed a reputation, through TV spots and gushing travel book write-ups, for being "the best." But the pie-seeking clientele may not linger on that Brooklyn sidewalk for long: tomorrow, the landlord will walk into the state supreme court and ask for the eviction of the institution, possibly forcing Grimaldi's to move from its flagship locale.

We don't really have to do anything more than quote the headline on this press release: "Experience a Day in the Life of Manhattan's Elite on the Tour of 'Gossip Girl' Sites." But seriously: what, you can't walk into Henry Bendel all on your own, without someone telling you it was on the T.V.? It's a fucking department store!