Is this the world's oldest living animal? Sure, why the hell not.

It has come to my attention that there are number of you out there who enjoy reptiles and feel like I do not provide with enough opportunities to partake in said enjoyment. So here ya go: baby tortoises! My favorite part of this clip is where the blonde co-host worries that one of the baby tortoises is trying to fuck another one. They have a great time on "Fox 10 Arizona Morning," don't they? Seems like a really fun, loose set. I mean, they bring you the news, but they don't take themselves too seriously. They're not embarrassed about doing an animal segment or anything. Good for them! OH [...]

When this little fella says, "Let's roll," he REALLY MEANS IT! I mean, except for the part where he's a tortoise, so he can't really say anything. Man it is hot out today.

"He nuzzles and kisses her, moves her around and pushes lettuce towards her. He plays with her every day. If I want him to go into his hut at night time I have to put Tanya in there first, otherwise he won't go." -It's the heartwarming story of Timmy the tortoise, an abandoned 60-year old Testudo hermanni who, after being bullied by other tortoises at the shelter he now calls home, found true tortoise love with Tanya, a molded tortoise toy for whom he fetches food and offers affection. Try not to think too much about the details of this one lest you alight upon the phrase "plastic tortoise [...]