The Awl http://www.theawl.com/ Be Less Stupid Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:30:12 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.2 Is The iPhone the Hummer of Cellphones? http://www.theawl.com/2009/09/is-the-iphone-the-hummer-of-cellphones http://www.theawl.com/2009/09/is-the-iphone-the-hummer-of-cellphones#comments Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:30:12 +0000 Choire Sicha http://www.theawl.com/2009/09/is-the-iphone-the-hummer-of-cellphones HUMMSIES!This has been irritating me all day, and I can't walk away: "the iPhone is really the Hummer of cellphones." Oh is it? No, actually, it is the springtime of life for the iPhone and it is the Hummer of Death™ for the Hummer. What else?

Hummer: Made originally on contract for the U.S. Military, as the Hum-Vee.
iPhone: Made originally for urban homosexualists and their friends.

Hummer: Very early 90s.
iPhone: Very late-mid-00s.

Hummer: Actually consumes "gasoline"!
iPhone: Consumes bandwidth, which is not always fossil-fuel based.

Hummer: Made in South Africa, Russia, Indiana and maybe someday in China.
iPhone: Always made in Shenzhen!

Hummer: Always works!
iPhone: Usually works!

Hummer: Miles per gallon, 9 to 16.
iPhone: Miles per gallon, a big fat 0.

Hummer: Is somewhat subsidized for purchase in our socialist government, as The State allows deductions for vehicles weighing more than 6000 pounds.
iPhone: Is subject to an astonishingly offensive exclusive and unregulated agreement between the manufacturer and service provider.

Hummer: Is made of dead babies.
iPhone: Now has a removable lithium ion battery, so not as not to be quite as pollutive.

Hummer: Sales in 2008 down 50% from 2007.
iPhone: Sales in 2008 up 88% from 2007.

Hummer: Drivers 11% more likely to die, according to study with dubious math.
iPhone: According to a statistic I just made up, iPhone users are 15% more likely to die while sexting on the road.

Hummer: Bloats the junkyards of America with its indestructible carcasses.
iPhone: Now recycles all phones in North America, instead of dumping it in the third world.

Hummer: Current sales forecasts are for dozens a month.
iPhone: Has more than 6 million owners in the U.S.

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]]> HUMMSIES!This has been irritating me all day, and I can't walk away: "the iPhone is really the Hummer of cellphones." Oh is it? No, actually, it is the springtime of life for the iPhone and it is the Hummer of Death™ for the Hummer. What else?

Hummer: Made originally on contract for the U.S. Military, as the Hum-Vee.
iPhone: Made originally for urban homosexualists and their friends.

Hummer: Very early 90s.
iPhone: Very late-mid-00s.

Hummer: Actually consumes "gasoline"!
iPhone: Consumes bandwidth, which is not always fossil-fuel based.

Hummer: Made in South Africa, Russia, Indiana and maybe someday in China.
iPhone: Always made in Shenzhen!

Hummer: Always works!
iPhone: Usually works!

Hummer: Miles per gallon, 9 to 16.
iPhone: Miles per gallon, a big fat 0.

Hummer: Is somewhat subsidized for purchase in our socialist government, as The State allows deductions for vehicles weighing more than 6000 pounds.
iPhone: Is subject to an astonishingly offensive exclusive and unregulated agreement between the manufacturer and service provider.

Hummer: Is made of dead babies.
iPhone: Now has a removable lithium ion battery, so not as not to be quite as pollutive.

Hummer: Sales in 2008 down 50% from 2007.
iPhone: Sales in 2008 up 88% from 2007.

Hummer: Drivers 11% more likely to die, according to study with dubious math.
iPhone: According to a statistic I just made up, iPhone users are 15% more likely to die while sexting on the road.

Hummer: Bloats the junkyards of America with its indestructible carcasses.
iPhone: Now recycles all phones in North America, instead of dumping it in the third world.

Hummer: Current sales forecasts are for dozens a month.
iPhone: Has more than 6 million owners in the U.S.

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10 comments

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