The Awl

Soon Famous Fuck Guide Will Be Coming Out Your Ears

Alex Balk — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 14:20:25 +0000

And now to the world of publishing: "It is the world's most famous sex manual, but the Kama Sutra has always had a flaw: it is impossible to follow the instructions while keeping the book propped open. Now an enterprising British publisher has solved the problem by releasing a new version of the Indian guide as an audiobook." Apparently this is the first time an audio version of the text has been recorded, which seems unlikely, but whatever: it's read by actress Tanya Franks (boozy slag Karen in the phenomenal "Pulling"), so, you know, yes please.

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Domino's Taking Brave Stand In The War Against Photoshop

Maura Johnston — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 16:45:04 +0000

Sick of models that have been manipulated unnaturally for the purposes of selling a product? Well, so is Domino's Pizza, which is blowing the lid off the food-styling industry in the latest installment of the pizza chain's Totally Real Talk Campaign. The above video shows the machinations that an innocent little pizza has to go through in order to be camera-ready — including nails and blowtorches! What sort of messages about how a pizza should look does this send out to impressionable children? Domino's has decided to unshackle itself from this world of fakery, so it's come up with a pledge involving the verisimilitude of photos it uses in the future. (It's signed by the chief marketing officer, so you know it's serious!)

We will only photograph real, honest-to-goodness pizzas.
That means fresh from our own ovens, with exactly the same ingredients we deliver to your doorstep. Nothing else added.

Our employees will make the pizza we shoot.
Not an art director or model maker or food stylist. A Domino's employee trained to make pizzas the only way they know how: by hand.

We will not artificially manipulate the food we shoot.
No tweezers, no steam guns, no model knives cutting perfect perforations in the cheese. The only thing that will touch the pizzas we shoot is the pizza-maker's hands and a standard Domino's pizza cutter.

But the folks at Domino's won't be the only ones not manipulating their pizzas — they're also throwing a user-generated photo contest! The person who takes the best Real Pizza Picture gets a whopping $500 for their troubles, which should probably save the company money on food stylists, at least for this campaign. (I mean, one shot an hour? That gets expensive!)

[Via]

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It's GRIM TODAY

Alex Balk — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 15:10:21 +0000

Pick your poison, because THIS is what's out there today: "Princess Diana opened her Christmas presents weeks in advance, private letters reveal" or "The Simpsons may affect view of nuclear plants: prof." It is an ENTIRE INTERNET full of "And That's When I Clicked 'Close Tab.'" Can't we just call it Christmas already?

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Why Didn't You Tell Me About Chooching?

Alex Balk — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 14:35:30 +0000

I can't recall the whole story, because I don't have the issue with me, but there's a story in the latest Private Eye about something that the Darlington, England, council did recently, I'm not precise on the details-God, this is like the worst blog post ever-but it involved the embarrassing use of the word "chooching," which is completely new to me. Apparently, it means to masturbate while crying. Am I like the last person in the world to have learned this? And, if so, why? Because I'm familiar as hell with the act, I just had no idea they had given a name to it. Anyway, for your files.

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Drunken Ewoks Engage In Fisticuffs

Alex Balk — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 14:00:20 +0000

I don't know what's going on here, and I don't really care: There is something intrinsically hysterical about inebriated Ewoks fighting, cavorting, and doing the Moonwalk. Well, to me, at least. Enjoy. [Via]

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Kanye West Heads List Of People Who Didn't Die

Alex Balk — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 13:30:22 +0000

Internet rumors that popular musician Kanye West perished in an automobile accident are completely untrue. Also not dying today: troubled singer Amy Winehouse (heroin overdose), screenwriter Diablo Cody (lockjaw), ABC News White House correspondent Jake Tapper (exposure to second-hand smoke), sculptor Isamu Noguchi (already dead), and Louisiana Senator David Vitter (napkin dermatitis). So don't believe any of these if you see them. Except Noguchi.

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The Day The Clown Cried

Alex Balk — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 12:49:52 +0000

I'm trying my best, but I'm am having an extremely hard time pulling anything out of this day. I mean, Jesus, snakes with one leg? Giant man-eating birds? Malcolm Gladwell, seducer extraordinaire? EVERYTHING SEEMS WRONG. Maybe I have swine flu. I'm gonna put my head down on the desk and... well, that's as far as I've gotten.

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Coroner Rules Michael Jackson Still Still Dead

Alex Balk — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 15:00:38 +0000

"Michael Jackson's death was a homicide caused by 'acute propofol intoxication,' the Los Angeles County coroner rules," says the CNN BREAKING ALERT. Didn't this already happen? Are we in some kind of terrible Groundhog Dayesque nightmare where this summer continues on infinite loop? Because I will not abide it.

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