Posts Tagged: The Millennials

Pity the Incoherent Youngs

Young people, it seems, "have totally incoherent political views" that "don't make any sense." How very Millennial.

For instance, "something interesting happens when Millennials start making serious dough. They start getting much more squeamish about giving it away." Like "69 percent think the government should guarantee health insurance… 55 percent are 'unwilling to pay more for health insurance in order to help provide coverage to the uninsured.'" Not at all like other, presumably older people.


'The Social Network': The Old Constructing Heroes For The Young

Each day I pass the glossy posters vaunting that actor's face who I recognize from somewhere as a prettified stand-in for the CEO of that company that's supposed to be changing the way I think, his visage of slack-jawed moronism a lame-ass stand in for profundity as decided by some group-tested marketing-teamed tautology of whatever it is that passes for brainstorming nowadays, covered in words that purport to represent the names he has been called by his (or my) peers, to be played by earnest, attractive actors who also call up feelings of vague recognition, actors conversing intently with each other in topical settings that show the world I [...]


The Way We Quit Internships Now: With a Bang

The following is a real email sent by an intern to the editor-in-chief of a well-known web publication.

From: [REDACTED] Date: Mon, Aug 2, 2010 at 12:34 AM Subject: To: [THE BOSS]


This is not going to work out. After last week, I can no longer in good conscience stay at [NAME OF PUBLICATION]. I don't think making bar graphs and quoting other websites is going to make me be a better writer. I quit.




Terrible Places Filling Up With Terrible People

"Brownstone Brooklyn is being overtaken by affluent out-of-towners," while Greenpoint is "the country’s most awesome place for young people" to live. I hope you're all proud of yourselves.


How summmer138 Kicked Oxy and Xanax and Broke Up With Her Boyfriend, Killa T

On May 29, 2008, summmer138 joined YouTube. Now she has 593 YouTube subscribers. Her real name is Monica, she lives in Denver, and she grew up in Dillingham, Alaska, which she refers to as "DillingHOLE," population roughly 2,500. She is 22 years old, a high-school graduate with a bit of college education, and a fan of "True Blood," in both book and television form. Her only love is filming and editing videos, which she does through her production company, depRAVEd wONderland productions. I have no reason to believe that her production company involves anything more than-until recently-a video camera, laptop computer, and pink-themed YouTube account with a black-and-white [...]


A Nice Millennial Wine

"The ads promote HobNob as just the right wine to go along with the busy, casual lives, filled with friends and entertainment, of the members of the generation known as millennials, Generation Y or echo boomers." —Enjoy your millennial wine.


A Cover Letter for Employment Opportunities with the Elders of Zion

Dear Elders of Zion,

Hello, my name is Joe Bernstein, and I am a young Jew of some promise living in New York City. Through your shadowy networks of information, I am sure you are already aware of me, but I'm just writing to assure you that I would very much like to assume my position of power and influence starting as soon as possible. I found out about this opening through centuries of inherited blood.