The Awl http://www.theawl.com/ Be Less Stupid Mon, 06 Feb 2012 11:30:18 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.2 Restaurant Jewish http://www.theawl.com/2012/02/restaurant-jewish http://www.theawl.com/2012/02/restaurant-jewish#comments Mon, 06 Feb 2012 11:30:18 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2012/02/restaurant-jewish "The past remains a painful subject in Lviv, and there have been few public efforts to deal with the city’s dark Jewish history. And so a young Ukrainian entrepreneur sensed an opportunity. He opened Under the Golden Rose, a theme restaurant that he says honors the city’s Jewish past. It’s a place where diners are given hats with peyes attached, nibble on matzoh, and are encouraged to haggle over food prices..."

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]]> "The past remains a painful subject in Lviv, and there have been few public efforts to deal with the city’s dark Jewish history. And so a young Ukrainian entrepreneur sensed an opportunity. He opened Under the Golden Rose, a theme restaurant that he says honors the city’s Jewish past. It’s a place where diners are given hats with peyes attached, nibble on matzoh, and are encouraged to haggle over food prices..."

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2012/02/restaurant-jewish/feed 0 Dogs Think They're Jewish People! http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/dogs-think-theyre-jewish-people http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/dogs-think-theyre-jewish-people#comments Wed, 04 Jan 2012 14:40:10 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/dogs-think-theyre-jewish-people
Yes, "Bark Mitzvahs." You can insert your own "German Shepherds deeply conflicted" joke here. Or you can just shake your head sadly, like I'm doing right now.

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Yes, "Bark Mitzvahs." You can insert your own "German Shepherds deeply conflicted" joke here. Or you can just shake your head sadly, like I'm doing right now.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2012/01/dogs-think-theyre-jewish-people/feed 6 Are You Jewish? http://www.theawl.com/2011/12/are-you-jewish http://www.theawl.com/2011/12/are-you-jewish#comments Wed, 21 Dec 2011 11:40:12 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2011/12/are-you-jewish Because of my mixed heritage I have been confused for pretty much all of your swarthy, hirsute ethnicities at one point or another—Jewish and Italian, obviously but also occasionally Hispanic, Greek, and even once, by a cab driver who unrelatedly treated me to a crash course in Syrian profanity, as Lebanese. I am a dark and hairy man, and that's part of the deal. (This is also why I won't get bed bugs.) Still, I am irritated every time this holiday (this holiday is Hanukkah, or however you spell it) rolls around and I am accosted in the street by furtive Hasidic men who look at me with searching eyes and say, "By any chance are you Jewish?" My answer is always no—I am only Jewish when I am around Italians, and vice versa—but when it happened again last night I was particularly irked, and I wondered why. I decided that perhaps it has something to do with how abstract the assumption is. This idea that you can somehow identify a person's characteristics and ancestry simply by judging their appearance and looking for telltale racial markers... how does one even encapsulate the concept? There oughta be a German word for that, I thought to myself, before even more sadly realizing that there almost certainly already is.

Photo by Zurijeta, via Shutterstock

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]]> Because of my mixed heritage I have been confused for pretty much all of your swarthy, hirsute ethnicities at one point or another—Jewish and Italian, obviously but also occasionally Hispanic, Greek, and even once, by a cab driver who unrelatedly treated me to a crash course in Syrian profanity, as Lebanese. I am a dark and hairy man, and that's part of the deal. (This is also why I won't get bed bugs.) Still, I am irritated every time this holiday (this holiday is Hanukkah, or however you spell it) rolls around and I am accosted in the street by furtive Hasidic men who look at me with searching eyes and say, "By any chance are you Jewish?" My answer is always no—I am only Jewish when I am around Italians, and vice versa—but when it happened again last night I was particularly irked, and I wondered why. I decided that perhaps it has something to do with how abstract the assumption is. This idea that you can somehow identify a person's characteristics and ancestry simply by judging their appearance and looking for telltale racial markers... how does one even encapsulate the concept? There oughta be a German word for that, I thought to myself, before even more sadly realizing that there almost certainly already is.

Photo by Zurijeta, via Shutterstock

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/12/are-you-jewish/feed 27 Chappy Chanukah http://www.theawl.com/2011/12/chappy-chanukah http://www.theawl.com/2011/12/chappy-chanukah#comments Wed, 21 Dec 2011 09:00:57 +0000 Choire Sicha http://www.theawl.com/2011/12/chappy-chanukah From us to you, baby. Without you, every night we spin our own dreidels, but we're never satisfied. Here's a reminder of what should have by now absolutely become a Festival of Lights watching tradition. (via)

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]]> From us to you, baby. Without you, every night we spin our own dreidels, but we're never satisfied. Here's a reminder of what should have by now absolutely become a Festival of Lights watching tradition. (via)

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/12/chappy-chanukah/feed 1 Let's Hear It For Our Jewish Killing Machines http://www.theawl.com/2011/12/lets-hear-it-for-our-jewish-killing-machines http://www.theawl.com/2011/12/lets-hear-it-for-our-jewish-killing-machines#comments Tue, 20 Dec 2011 11:30:07 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2011/12/lets-hear-it-for-our-jewish-killing-machines "Semper Chai" would be a good name for a band.

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]]> "Semper Chai" would be a good name for a band.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/12/lets-hear-it-for-our-jewish-killing-machines/feed 4 Obligatory "It Won't Be Long" Circumcision Joke Goes Here http://www.theawl.com/2011/10/obligatory-it-wont-be-long-circumcision-joke-goes-here http://www.theawl.com/2011/10/obligatory-it-wont-be-long-circumcision-joke-goes-here#comments Fri, 28 Oct 2011 15:20:42 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2011/10/obligatory-it-wont-be-long-circumcision-joke-goes-here "From Me To Jew." "If I Kvell." "(The Holiday Begins) The Night Before." Okay, now it's your turn.

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]]> "From Me To Jew." "If I Kvell." "(The Holiday Begins) The Night Before." Okay, now it's your turn.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/10/obligatory-it-wont-be-long-circumcision-joke-goes-here/feed 36 Today: Pretend To Be Jewish And Leave Work Early http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/today-pretend-to-be-jewish-and-leave-work-early http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/today-pretend-to-be-jewish-and-leave-work-early#comments Wed, 28 Sep 2011 16:10:05 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/today-pretend-to-be-jewish-and-leave-work-early Jews: Love 'em or hate 'em, you have to admit they have some great holidays, i.e. they fall on days of the year that most people don't normally get off. So go tell your boss that you've got to leave early today to get home before sundown for Rosh Hashanah (pronounced: "rosh ha-sha-nah"). If your boss starts asking questions, just mutter something about "Jewish New Year" or "apples and honey" while idly fingering your imaginary payos; it works every time! Happy New Year, Jews, and Happy Fake New Year, Fake Jews. May God bless us, every one.

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]]> Jews: Love 'em or hate 'em, you have to admit they have some great holidays, i.e. they fall on days of the year that most people don't normally get off. So go tell your boss that you've got to leave early today to get home before sundown for Rosh Hashanah (pronounced: "rosh ha-sha-nah"). If your boss starts asking questions, just mutter something about "Jewish New Year" or "apples and honey" while idly fingering your imaginary payos; it works every time! Happy New Year, Jews, and Happy Fake New Year, Fake Jews. May God bless us, every one.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/today-pretend-to-be-jewish-and-leave-work-early/feed 21 Jew App Riles Frogs http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/jew-app-riles-frogs http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/jew-app-riles-frogs#comments Wed, 14 Sep 2011 11:40:01 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/jew-app-riles-frogs "Computer giant Apple could face legal action in France over an iPhone app which tells users whether thousands of celebrities are Jewish or not. The application’s designer, who is Jewish himself, says he invented it for entertainment not racial profiling."

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]]> "Computer giant Apple could face legal action in France over an iPhone app which tells users whether thousands of celebrities are Jewish or not. The application’s designer, who is Jewish himself, says he invented it for entertainment not racial profiling."

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/jew-app-riles-frogs/feed 11 A Short Conversation About Mel Gibson's "Jewish Hero" Film http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/a-short-conversation-about-mel-gibsons-jewish-hero-film http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/a-short-conversation-about-mel-gibsons-jewish-hero-film#comments Fri, 09 Sep 2011 15:00:20 +0000 Choire Sicha http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/a-short-conversation-about-mel-gibsons-jewish-hero-film Eric Spiegelman: SHOCKER! Mel Gibson And Joe Eszterhas To Collaborate On Film Telling Jewish Hero Judah Maccabee Story For Warner Bros.

Choire Sicha: oh COME ON.

Eric Spiegelman: jksdhfklasdjhfas.

Choire Sicha: "He has long wanted to make this film about heroic Jews"

Eric Spiegelman: ... to lure us into the theater so he can burn it.

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]]> Eric Spiegelman: SHOCKER! Mel Gibson And Joe Eszterhas To Collaborate On Film Telling Jewish Hero Judah Maccabee Story For Warner Bros.

Choire Sicha: oh COME ON.

Eric Spiegelman: jksdhfklasdjhfas.

Choire Sicha: "He has long wanted to make this film about heroic Jews"

Eric Spiegelman: ... to lure us into the theater so he can burn it.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2011/09/a-short-conversation-about-mel-gibsons-jewish-hero-film/feed 22 Some Jews Are Dumber Than Dirt http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/some-jews-are-dumber-than-dirt http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/some-jews-are-dumber-than-dirt#comments Tue, 30 Aug 2011 09:40:41 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2011/08/some-jews-are-dumber-than-dirt Look, I realize that race is a social construct, that ethnicity and religion are simply affiliations based on tradition and location, and when it comes down to it we are all the same under the skin and that to somehow prize your own racial/ethnic/religious group above others, to attribute it with specific superiorities, is to fall prey to the same small-minded tribalism that has been the cause of so much bloodshed and conflict throughout human history. As a rational human being I know all this. I do. Still, there's some part of me that can't help but be disappointed every time I am reminded that Jews can be stupid too.

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]]> Look, I realize that race is a social construct, that ethnicity and religion are simply affiliations based on tradition and location, and when it comes down to it we are all the same under the skin and that to somehow prize your own racial/ethnic/religious group above others, to attribute it with specific superiorities, is to fall prey to the same small-minded tribalism that has been the cause of so much bloodshed and conflict throughout human history. As a rational human being I know all this. I do. Still, there's some part of me that can't help but be disappointed every time I am reminded that Jews can be stupid too.

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