The Awl http://www.theawl.com/ Be Less Stupid Thu, 23 Apr 2009 15:59:27 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.2 A Fond Goodbye To GeoCities http://www.theawl.com/2009/04/a-fond-goodbye-to-geocities http://www.theawl.com/2009/04/a-fond-goodbye-to-geocities#comments Thu, 23 Apr 2009 15:59:27 +0000 Alex Balk http://www.theawl.com/2009/04/a-fond-goodbye-to-geocities Sad news on the Internets: GeoCities, a pioneering web-hosting service that you should probably ask an older relative about, is shutting down later this year. Even worse, Yahoo!, which bought the service in 1999 [for $3.5 billion], isn't being very polite to the existing users who will still find themselves "Internet homeless." In fact, if you read their Q&A page for victims of website foreclosure, you can almost sense a little bitterness and attitude on their part.

Why is GeoCities not accepting new customers?
Gee, I dunno, Einstein. Maybe for the same reason Sony's not selling a lot of Betamax players these days.

I'm a GeoCities customer. What's happening to my site?
Well, let's take quick stroll down Sunset Strip and see: Oh, right, jack shit! Apparently you're "super stoked for the imminent release of Fairweather Johnson." Jesus, is that fucking dust on your website? How is that even possible?

Will something happen to my GeoCities Free or Plus account?
Are you really this slow or is it the dial-up? You're done, dude.

Can I prepare for GeoCities closing now?
Yeah, do that. Hurry up and save your shit or else posterity will never know that you felt "alone/with a heart made of stone/because he'll never phone" back in freshman year.

When will I get more information?
We'll send you an e-mail telling you to "eat shit and die" in about a month or two. Of course, since the last registered e-mail address we have on file goes to a Hotmail account, you're probably not going to see it.

Does Yahoo! offer another free hosting service?
No, Yahoo! does not offer another free hosting service. And you know what? NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE. Seriously, don't ask around or anything, just trust us on this. We recommend our award-winning Yahoo! Web Hosting service, which includes a personalized domain name (such as widgetdesigns.com) and matching email, new site building tools, unlimited disk space and bandwidth, premium customer support, and more. IT IS THE ONLY OPTION EVER IF YOU WANT TO HOST A WEBSITE. [Cough]You fucking retard.[Cough]

So very tragic.

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]]> Sad news on the Internets: GeoCities, a pioneering web-hosting service that you should probably ask an older relative about, is shutting down later this year. Even worse, Yahoo!, which bought the service in 1999 [for $3.5 billion], isn't being very polite to the existing users who will still find themselves "Internet homeless." In fact, if you read their Q&A page for victims of website foreclosure, you can almost sense a little bitterness and attitude on their part.

Why is GeoCities not accepting new customers?
Gee, I dunno, Einstein. Maybe for the same reason Sony's not selling a lot of Betamax players these days.

I'm a GeoCities customer. What's happening to my site?
Well, let's take quick stroll down Sunset Strip and see: Oh, right, jack shit! Apparently you're "super stoked for the imminent release of Fairweather Johnson." Jesus, is that fucking dust on your website? How is that even possible?

Will something happen to my GeoCities Free or Plus account?
Are you really this slow or is it the dial-up? You're done, dude.

Can I prepare for GeoCities closing now?
Yeah, do that. Hurry up and save your shit or else posterity will never know that you felt "alone/with a heart made of stone/because he'll never phone" back in freshman year.

When will I get more information?
We'll send you an e-mail telling you to "eat shit and die" in about a month or two. Of course, since the last registered e-mail address we have on file goes to a Hotmail account, you're probably not going to see it.

Does Yahoo! offer another free hosting service?
No, Yahoo! does not offer another free hosting service. And you know what? NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE. Seriously, don't ask around or anything, just trust us on this. We recommend our award-winning Yahoo! Web Hosting service, which includes a personalized domain name (such as widgetdesigns.com) and matching email, new site building tools, unlimited disk space and bandwidth, premium customer support, and more. IT IS THE ONLY OPTION EVER IF YOU WANT TO HOST A WEBSITE. [Cough]You fucking retard.[Cough]

So very tragic.

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See more posts by Alex Balk

11 comments

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