"Private jet charter companies said they may even get more business if sequestration increases delays on commercial airlines, forcing passengers to charter a jet. 'People who are sitting on the fence about wanting to hire a private jet may spend the extra money so they won't be caught in a situation where they have no idea how long their delays will be,' said Ben Schusterman, founder of Los Angeles-based ElJet." —This sequester trouble may function as a wake-up call for the very wealthy who have thus far delayed the acquisition of fractional private jet ownership or failed to make advance reservations for one-time rentals of private executive aircraft.

I mean, I'm all for marching on the Upper East Side, particularly on Jamie Dimon's house, in part because who doesn't love stopping in at the Tom Ford store, but you know if your protest is based in the Financial District, you don't really have to hike that far. (Though some good old ones are up there, sure!) You want plutocrats? Average price per square foot on residential real estate is higher in Soho and TriBeCa than it is on the Upper East Side. At least you could just stop at Gramercy and the Flatiron, where in new developments, the neighborhood is "the only part of [...]

The world runs a little bit more smoothly without troublesome humans mucking up the works. Consider the least sexy sex scandal of all time, 60-year-old David Patraeus and his various middle-aged twin Florida gal pals and wives and shirtless old FBI agents trying to figure out this whole "sexting" business. Why not just have drones do the war fightin', right? OH WAIT THIS IS OBAMA'S PLAN.

Meanwhile, in China, there is trouble at the factories that produce our beloved iPhones and iPads and those iDevices currently manufactured in a compromise size between that of the iPhone and the iPad. The workers want the jobs, because of the [...]

Chaos followed, as guests fought over pieces cut by the bare-chested pallbearers. “I want the breast! Give me the vagina!” they screamed, hardly noticing that Tilda Swinton had arrived for photo ops, looking very much like David Bowie in his Thin White Duke phase. When it was all over, the cut-up cakes resembled mutilated bodies that made for a ghoulish sight.

A man I didn’t know accosted me. “Is it me or was this all about violence against women?” he asked. “It’s you,” I said. “Look at that cake!” he exclaimed. “It’s a horribly mutilated woman with knives in her chest. Doesn’t that bother you?” “It’s a cake,” [...]