Is Pakistan, Of All Countries, Winning the War on Terror? @9:17 AM
In the latest of what seems like a real string of major developments in a war against the Taliban and al-Qaeda, Mullah Abdul Kabir, said to be very influential in east Afghanistan, has been detained by the Pakistan government. Even though this reportedly took place several days ago, the American government says it still can't confirm this for sure—even though the Times (by way of the impeccable Dexter Filkins) asserts it directly. Weird, right? READ MORE 10
We Have Many Questions About The "Certain" Coming Terror @9:59 AM
So at the end of the day yesterday, CIA honcho Leon Panetta, and Dennis C. Blair, the director of national intelligence, told the Senate Intelligence Committee that al Qaeda was basically ready to roll. Or are they? Let's take a look at what they said, so that we can be more and or less frightened. READ MORE 18
America Is So Tough It Doesn't Mind Looking Ignorant And Afraid @12:50 PM
I have had some issues with Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) in the past, but holy cow is he ever full of sense right here. When he says that all the arguments against trying Khalid Shaikh Mohammed on American soil make us look "frightened and scared" to the rest of the world he is absolutely correct. Unfortunately, all the people who are making those arguments are the same people who made a big point of bellowing about how they didn't care what the rest of the world thought about us during the whole Bush presidency. I can't imagine that they give a shit now that we look like GIANT FUCKING PUSSIES WHO CANNOT CROSS THE STREET WITHOUT WETTING OUR PANTS. Which, you know, we are. 11
Osama bin Laden Must Not Realize How COLD It Is This Morning @9:10 AM
Al-Qaeda lead singer Osama bin Laden's latest mixtape just dropped, and it sounds like he's looking to broaden his audience. In the message, which I had to read about several times just to make sure it wasn't some kind of joke or parody, bin Laden blamed Western industrialized nations
for hunger, desertification and floods across the globe, and called for "drastic solutions" to global warming, and "not solutions that partially reduce the effect of climate change."
He also wants to boycott American products and has a huge problem with dollarization.
"We should stop dealings with the dollar and get rid of it as soon as possible," he said. "I know that this has great consequences and grave ramifications, but it is the only means to liberate humanity from slavery and dependence on America."
So basically he's Naomi Klein now? 18
Your new terror fear: weaponized Botox. @11:00 AM 14
“The marginal returns in terms of increased security from most new measures to check travelers eight years after 9/11 are likely to be less than their costs in terms of inconvenience, privacy and the fears of innocent Muslims.”
—Former deputy attorney general Philip Heymann on enhanced screening procedures. This is so sensible and correct that it will almost certainly make no difference. @12:20 PM 7
"TSA Employee" Is About To Become A Much More Entertaining Occupation @9:50 AM
Here is everything you need to know about what the new full-body scanners are going to show when you pass through airport security from here on out. Bascially, yes, amused TSA employees will indeed be able to see your dangly bits or pillowy parts. Step back a second, though, and pretend that you're someone from the distant past—say, 1998 or so—who is watching this video as a glimpse into the future. Would any of it even make sense? 22
Oh, right, the underpants bomber. Here's a theory: "Those who hate religion will see this as another instance of God's murderousness. But religion is only the smokescreen. The great atheist tyrannies of the last century recruited their foot soldiers in an identical manner—targeting partially educated, preferably pampered, but certainly crestfallen young men for whom the usual safety valves of dissoluteness have for some reason failed to open. We should remember this when we rail against the morals of the young. Next time we are honked at by a stretch-limoload of vomiting adolescents we should give a little prayer of thanks. As long as they're out on the town pissed they're not in their rooms drawing up plans to blow up aeroplanes. Ditto sex." @1:40 PM 19
Horror Chick, With Melissa Lafsky: The 10 Most Terrifying Unintentional-Horror Movies (Part Two) @11:00 AM
Think horror always comes with axes and monsters and hockey masks? Think again. Not long ago, we brought you the the first five of the ten most gut-wrenching unintentional-horror films. Here, after a short hiatus for turkey and excessive vodka consumption, are our top five. Watch and be afraid. READ MORE 56
Terror Trial "Debate" @9:57 AM
I, like many of you, live in New York City. I, like many of you, was in town on September 11, 2001. I've cycled through anger, weariness, and apathy as the events of that day have been politicized in the most shameless ways possible—ways that have damaged the psyche and distorted the conversation in this country in far more traumatic fashion than the actual attack could ever have done. So I'm kind of surprised at myself for being almost inchoate with rage over the argument that trying Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and company in New York is somehow "letting the terrorists win" or "putting the city at risk again." The arguments are so knee-jerk, so ludicrous, that even attempting to refute them leaves me foaming and empty. I'm not sure whether to be more frightened by the possibility that this is pure cynicism or that people actually believe these things. Anyway, I thought Attorney General Holder's remarks yesterday (see below) were pretty much perfect; it is astounding to me that this is an argument that even needs to be made. READ MORE 35
Congressman: Terrorists Will Assrape Your Children During Recess @12:00 PM
I am currently suffering from the world's worst headcold—seriously, it feels like my neck is supporting a hundred odd pounds of snot and expectorant—so my judgment may be a little off. Rather than offer some sort of declarative statement, I will, instead, put it to you: Is this the most meretricious piece of fearmongering bullshit we've seen in months? I mean, am I insane, or are these people literally working from a platform of "We are giant pussies"? As I said, I'm all zoned out on decongestants, so maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way. Your thoughts? 15
Enter The Age Of Anal Terror @10:10 AM
"'This is the nightmare scenario,' said Chris Yates, an aviation security consultant." Sounds pretty scary! What exactly is he talking about? Al-Qaeda suicide bomber Abdullah Asieri, who attempted to assassinate a Saudi prince using a new, silent but deadly technique. READ MORE 33
Terror Alert Manipulation Comes As Devastating Shock To Nation's Credulous Transcribers @10:15 AM
You have probably by now heard the news of former Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge's revelation that he was pressured to elevate the agency's color-coded threat level in advance of the 2004 elections. This has caused some shock and horror by those who refused to believe that the previous administration would be so blatantly political on matters of national security, but since the only people dumb enough to actually believe that were journalists it doesn't really make that much of a difference. I mean, you know, it was a long time ago! We've got much more important issues to worry about now. Let's just forget the whole thing and move on, okay? 3
I Know What I'm Doing This Weekend… @4:20 PM
Whoo hoo! Missed this earlier today, but apparently the feds successfully infiltrated 10 out of 10 high-occupancy federal buildings with bomb parts and assembled them inside bathrooms and stuff. Let's roll, everyone! 11
Plane Crash Terror To Bring Extra Spectacle To Your TV @10:30 AM
Man has always loved his airplanes. But what about when the airplanes say "NO MORE"? (*) MSNBC will teach you, in an hour-long intensive fright video airing this weekend, to understand the terror of airplanes and why they want to kill us! Why must we all die in the sky? In 2008, there was one plane crash for every eight million take-offs. Possibly MSNBC should be reserving its TERROR DOCUMENTARIES for adult-onset diabetes? 4
Obama Takes Hard Bush Line On Terror Incarcerations @5:59 PM
Oh great news, to end a hideous week! The Obama White House is going to assert, via executive order, that they can hold terrorism suspects indefinitely. Now, they are doing this, in part, apparently so that Congress doesn't pass any stupid laws that are potentially difficult to get undone. But still—all this brave new change is not tasting so good, is it? In slightly better news, about half of those held at Guantanamo are going to be processed for trial or for, you know, release. Ahem. The other half are probably totally hosed—and nearly 100 sound like they are never going to see the light of day again. 9
Gitmo Prisoner In NYC, Run For Your Lives! @9:14 AM
Please welcome Ahmed Khalfan Ghailani to our shores! Ghailani, "transferred from U.S. military to civilian custody at the secretive Camp Seven in the naval base in Cuba and brought to New York by U.S. Marshals to face trial for his role in the Aug. 7, 1998 bombings of America's embassies in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania and Nairobi, Kenya," is the first Guantanamo detainee to be moved to the U.S. for trial, and if those opposed to bringing Gitmo prisoners here are correct, he will immediately be sprung from prison and embark on a reign of destruction that will culminate in his grabbing a pretty blond and climbing the Empire State Building with her in his clutches until airplanes finally bring him down. Or something; it's hard to tell what those guys are so afraid of. 8
Low-IQ Terror Plot Foiled @9:45 AM
In re the latest latest foiled terror plot—four small-time criminals planned to blow up a couple of temples in the Bronx and shoot down military planes at an air base in Newburgh—a few questions: Are the authorities only breaking up conspiracies planned by demonstrable idiots, are or are those the only ones they're telling us about? And which scenario is scarier? 14
Picture this: British terror-fighter quits. @8:46 AM
NYT: "Britain's most powerful counterterrorism officer resigned on Thursday, a day after being photographed carrying a document that outlined details of a major antiterrorism operation in northwest England and was clearly marked 'Secret….' The airing of the document, visible to waiting reporters and photographers as [the officer] walked to Downing Street for a security briefing, provoked a hasty flurry of arrests and raids on properties by hundreds of antiterrorism officers around Manchester, Liverpool and Lancashire late on Wednesday." 0
