Posts tagged as Straight People
First Date Queries Not to Utter: "Where Do You Want This?"
"Now a sixth grader's vocabulary includes the phrase money shot. And a lot of other terms for male ejaculate that sound like verbs from the Nickelodeon channel." READ MORE
How Gays Split a Check at a Restaurant
Yesterday was just another day in which I felt so sad for straight people! What a terrible story to hear about how it is to dine out with the straights. The young, unmated heterosexual people are so often locked in a struggle of resentment and desire and jealousy and insecurity and misunderstanding. Then you put money and status-seeking and sexual conquest (all of that mostly on the mens' side!) on top of those inflamed and engorged feelings, and blammo, the whole powderkeg goes up in flames and next thing you know, someone's being called a douche and someone's being called a whore. And that is why straight people actually shouldn't dine out together, ever. But there is another way. Possibly it's instructive how the gays share in the purchase of food and beverages at restaurants. READ MORE
Bros Fireworking Bros: The 4th of July Butt Fireworks Video Guide
To celebrate American freedom each year, straight men find ways to pull each others' pants down and shoot fireworks out of their behinds. It's very odd, don't you think? What does it mean? I would suggest that there's plenty of guys unable to sit down at work today, but that would presume that anyone has a job in America these days. Also, in the future, this will be considered a major new American art form. Like jazz. READ MORE
2 out of 3 Straight Men Have Sex Only Once A Week Or Way Less
It only occurred to me later in life that the lot of a straight man was a terrible one. They think about sex all the time-but so rarely have it. So here is the most recent ridiculous survey about sex (from an alleged 50,000 male readers of men.style.com AskMen.com! (Whoops!)) and it finds that 28% of men have sex less than one time a month! Gah! Haha! Wow! Surprisingly, 87% of men also report being dissatisfied with their sex life. I BET! READ MORE
Mild Illness Seen In Westchester Heterosexuals
Mild Illness Seen In Westchester Heterosexuals.
Doctors in Chappaqua and Amityville have diagnosed among heterosexual teenagers at least 160 cases of a rare and often not at all fatal virus. Zero of the victims died less than 24 hours after the diagnosis was made.The cause of the outbreak is unknown, and there is as yet no evidence of contagion. But the doctors who have made the diagnoses, mostly in tony towns of Westchester, are alerting other physicians who treat large numbers of well-off heterosexuals to the problem in an effort to help identify more cases and to reduce the delay in pulling them out of private schools. *
