Posts tagged as Skynet
Passing the Turing Test: Killing Machines Now Indistinguishable From Humans
Poor Alan Turing proposed a test by which you'd know whether The Machines are thinking: converse with someone you can't see and who might be a human or might be a machine, and you'll always know which. Test after test, we always know; machines are inferior conversationalists. But recently from the IEEE, the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers-an extremely large, ruthlessly intelligent, highly organized professional association-comes troubling news. Change the test from conversing to killing, and all hell breaks loose: machines are indistinguishable from humans. READ MORE
You Can Blow Limbs Off This Robot And It'll Be Just Fine
How many times do we have to warn you about the future?
We Can See the Reputation Market's Event Horizon From Here
The future of personal branding can be viewed quite darkly. In that future, you will be crushed by the banality of your own self-promotion. But here's a question-what if the phenomena of endless marketing of your own personal self persists, and is not a VC flash in the pan, a burp on the road to SkyNet? Are you sufficiently personally branded? Will you be left behind? READ MORE
Mesmerizing Robot Videos Make Dystopian Future More Palatable
As we mentioned recently, highly advanced autonomous robot soldiers will soon start start killing humans indiscriminately. Now The Atlantic's Andrew Sullivan notes that at least it's going to look awesome when they do. READ MORE
SchoolDefender™ Will Keep All Children Free From Molestation
TouchMate® Interactive Solutions today announced that it will bring a new level of protection to our country's innocent and highly touchable children, with its new SchoolDefender™ system! This handy system interrogates all school visitors, checks them against databases (using the PassagePointEDU™ from STOPware™!), and ejects all people from the school that might be on any number of hastily-assembled lists from any number of government or private contractor agencies. How can this not be a good idea?
The New iPhone 3G S Deliveries And The Rise Of The Machines
Dozens or thousands of angry nerds and homosexuals are calling UPS today, because their shiny new iPhone 3GS's-which were previously guaranteed for delivery today, for those who paid for overnight delivery-are being held up at least an extra day at Apple's request. READ MORE
The iPhone Is Getting Grosser, Stupid-Making-er
I can't stress enough how upsetting I find the near-future of telephone technology. I'm watching the Apple presentation today and basically the iPhone is not-so-slowly morphing into a blinky box of stupid dystopian that handshakes and checks your blood sugar and texts you when LeBron James pees. I've always been torn between "delightful amazing tool!" and "debilitating waste of time!" But now I think where this is going is: it will fuck up an entire generation. Let's hope there's no app to track sea level rise, so they're all taken by surprise when their iPhones are PERMANENTLY UNDERWATER.
Skynet v. Google: Joke All You Want, The Machines Are Coming
We do love an article that's over just as it begins: "Is Google SkyNet? In a word: Yes." Okay, we're sold!
Flicked Off: 'Terminator Salvation'
Have you ever worked at a place where everyone's head may be on the executioner's block? (Sure you have! Or did!) Then you know that only the strong and/or the sycophantic survive. But there are things in our near future more serious than being jobless! Such as being exterminated. The film director McG, and his friend the actor Christian Bale, understand that we, humanity, are all about to be "laid off." ("You're fired!") They have tried and failed, with their film Terminator Salvation, which is basically Terminator v. Predator: Full Throttle, to curry favor with the future. I will do better! I understand that in the near future, all writing jobs will be assigned by Skynet. Skynet will make newspapers profitable! Skynet will give me the critic's sinecure that I require when I turn 40 in a few short years. READ MORE
