The Awl

Stuff About Italy

Alex Balk — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 12:40:36 +0000

Can Italy change? Tim Parks addresses the question here. Meanwhile, guess who this passage is describing: "When he is perorating about the inadequacies of the Italian constitution, he leans back in his yellow silk sofa, right ankle on his left knee, and runs his hand through his hair, like an emperor surveying his slaves. But when he has a meatier point to make, a defense of his sex life, for example, he leans forward and thrusts his hands up and down between his legs as if potting a large plant."

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Italy Enters The Post Whorebanging Party Era

Alex Balk — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 11:30:54 +0000

Mario Monti, the Prime Minister of Italy, spent New Years Eve at home with "his wife, their son, daughter and respective partners, Mrs Monti's sister with her husband and four children aged between one and six." His wife served dinner. God, Italy, it's like I don't even know you anymore.

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Silvio Berlusconi Will Live To Bunga Again

Alex Balk — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 16:45:36 +0000

"Berlusconi's political agenda is very clear: he has been reported as saying that his party will 'unplug Monti's government life support whenever necessary'. And this is likely to happen as soon as his name rises in the polls again. There couldn't be a clearer indication of Berlusconi's plans: in the expectation that Italians will quickly forget the incompetence he displayed while in power, Berlusconi hopes to lead his party to success at the next general election in 2013. Those who had hoped that Berlusconi would finally withdraw from politics to write his biography will be sorely disappointed."

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Who Is The Saddest About Berlusconi Leaving Office?

Alex Balk — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 12:10:31 +0000

“You never abandoned us.”
—Comedian Antonio Cornacchione mourns the departure of Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, who resigned over the weekend to the great regret of the nation's satirists. They can only hope that this prediction of his inevitable return proves true.

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"See, Italian Prime Ministers Bang Hookers Like This"

Alex Balk — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 09:30:33 +0000

It's Silvio Berlusconi's greatest comedy hits. The article omits a lot of his "ladies from the opposition are so ugly" bits, but there's enough here to give you a general sense of his material.

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Silvio Berlusconi Will Soon Have More Time To Party With Hookers

Alex Balk — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 16:50:21 +0000

"Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has said he will step down after the next budget is approved by Parliament, a statement from the president's office said Tuesday, marking a painful end to his long dominance of Italian politics." OR IS IT?

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If Silvio Berlusconi Falls Will He Come Back?

Alex Balk — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 15:10:55 +0000

Is this the end for Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi? Having already asked that question approximately 7000 times in the last two-and-a-half years, I am not prepared to say anything definitive, but it's not looking good. For Silvio, I mean.

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Financial Crisis Ruins Plans For Italian Crooner

Alex Balk — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 13:50:33 +0000

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi's latest album was supposed to drop in September, but has been delayed "out of deference to the political and economic crisis engulfing Italy." There''s no word on when the record, titled Silvio Berlusconi Does Sex To Your Ears, will see a release. Unlike Silvio, who is probably seeing one right now. (Kidding! The record is really called Ho lasciato i soldi sul comò, or True Love.)

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Silvio Berlusconi Could Never Have Bunga-Bungad, Because Of God And Stuff

Alex Balk — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 16:10:42 +0000

"When one of my guests said 'Are we going to have some bunga bunga after dinner?' they were just talking about dancing. I never took part because I have vowed never to dance. I have not smoked since I managed to save my first business adventure from an inglorious ending and I don't gamble since I risked making a fool of myself with a professional card player and I don't dance since I promised a friend who was dying, that if they lived I would not dance again."
—Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, who insists that he would never allow sacrilegious behovior in his home, explains that "bunga bunga" merely refers to dancing. Also, eight of his aunts are nuns, which may clear up any confusion surrounding this.

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Silvio Berlusconi Advocates For Vaginas

Alex Balk — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 11:00:30 +0000

"WITH his ratings at record lows, scandal-hit Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi today quipped his party should change its name to 'Go Pussy!' in the latest gaffe likely to incense swathes of voters."

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