Shorts: Not only are they inappropriate for grown men, but apparently, due to complicated structural engineering issues, they are more expensive than pants. I will feel so much better this weekend about my fully-clad legs and sweaty undercarriage. Also of note: "American Apparel sells a decent pair of city shorts for $42, but they look as if they might be from the suburbs." So, yeah, fuck shorts.

UPDATE: It is currently 90 degrees in New York City. In deference to your collective wisdom, I am wearing pants. This had better work out.

I spent the weekend on my apartment floor suffering from a series of small panic attacks. The reasons are not surprising-my deteriorating financial condition, swine flu, the fucking Celtics-but in any event, I only wandered out briefly, during which time a bird shit on my head (this is absolutely true, and it was a not inconsequential amount of shit) and I was made well aware that I am not at all prepared for summer. More specifically, I faced the recurring dilemma the horns of which I find myself impaled upon each time the season turns more temperate: Should I wear shorts?