David: "On whether Snooki would film a sex tape: 'I don't want people to watch me doing that. It's a private thing.' (Snooks did share that she's taped some past encounters with guys, but long before Jersey Shore!)" READ MORE

Great news, everyone! I am going to be out of the office all day. Sort of. I actually am going to be in the office all day, working on other projects, and my dear collaborator Alex Balk is going to be locked out, running The Awl from some hideous bar where the drinking starts early. Or never stops at all. So be nice to him. You know terrible things always happen to Alex when he works elsewhere. He is going to be super-upset by noon after some child or homeless person or dog poops its pants or dies or steals something. (ALEX, I'm NOT MAKING FUN OF YOU, I'm making fun of us.) So you know... if you see something fascinating, say something! Email him early and often. Thank you. "See" you Friday.

Oh hello. I have nothing I wish to add today, particularly. Did you know that a bunch of gays went down to D.C. yesterday to march for no quite clear reason? Besides that the HRC was having its big fundraising dinner that weekend. Coincidence? Did you know Tracy Morgan joined Twitter, after a grass-roots campaign begged him to? The week before his memoir comes out! Coincidence? All this and there is a new Malcolm Gladwell piece in the New Yorker today that... looks kind of good? I say that without yet having read it. Yes, I know all these things, and more, and still I do not particularly care. It's very, very cold in the office. Cat the cat is angry about that. And this big, cold, shiny bowl of change isn't going to take itself to the bank, is it? No. Someone must take it to the bank. I just Image-Googled for "Gone Fishin'" and my safe search is turned off and I saw two things in particular that I cannot ever unsee. I'll leave that to your imagination, if you are at work, which, sorry!

Choire-

I'm a little jealous of anyone who lives in a parliamentary democracy; the way their governments can fall at any time lends a certain frisson to the spectacle of the party in power coming apart at the seams. In contrast, our fixed-date elections generally ensure that even when the current administration has completely collapsed you're still stuck with it until January brings its merciful conclusion. British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, who is dead but he won't lie down, has had an absolutely terrible month, and the news today-

So, whatever, I wrote that early this morning because I wanted to do a post on the expenses scandal that is putting one more superfluous nail in the Labour government's coffin. It's simultaneously exciting (there's a whole side issue about how much the Daily Telegraph, the paper that broke the story, paid for it-figures as high as £300,000, which equals who the hell knows what in American dollars, I'll be damned if I'm doing a currency conversion, have been bandied about) and irrelevant, in that after twelve years the British are done with Labour and if it weren't this story it would be another one. Brown can technically hang on for another year before he has to call an election, but barring the revelation that every single member of the opposition Conservative party is a pedophile from outer space sent to the United Kingdom with directives to commit as many knife crimes as possible (which is all totally true, but nobody ever talks about it) he will simply be postponing the inevitable.

Anyway, where were we? Oh, right. I wrote that this morning but got bored with it. Hell, I got bored writing the paragraph about why I was writing about it. I am bored writing this sentence. I am also sitting at Professor Thom's on 2nd Avenue having a burger and a beer because there is nowhere to get a decent sandwich near the Awl offices, and I like to drink. Also? The burger? It is another indication that I am completely immature when it comes to issues of health. Never mind my rapidly-expanding midsection, think about the consequences in general. I haven't been to a doctor in years. My diet consists mostly of alcohol and peperoncini, but when I do eat anything substantial it is invariably something served in bars, which are not exactly renowned for their healthy options (not that I would order them if they were). Also, there is the smoking.

What was I saying? Ah, yes: So today I wanted to do something about British politics, but I bailed out. There was that great CNBC piece by Moe that I read and promptly forgot about. I had a joke lined up about Barack Obama hating polar bears because they are white, but that's pretty much something Byron York would do in complete seriousness, and it made me sad. I wanted to do something about the absurdity of the stock market, but, you know, numbers and research and actually having to look at historical patterns? On a sunny Friday? For free? Fuck that. We have not, I think, talked enough about Chrysler. I am still trying to think of some interesting way to do more pop culture stuff, but I get distracted easily. Mostly by the cat, who needs to chill. These things weigh on me, much like the burger I just had is about to weigh on my colon. I will try to think about it over the weekend, if I'm sober enough, although I am going to New Jersey and no one should ever have to be sober for that.

I actually had one other point I wanted to make, but it's just turned 5 and the bar is starting to fill up with people who are coming from their actual jobs, which is depressing on so many levels. It is clearly time to GET THE HELL OFF THE INTERNET. I'd recommend you do the same, but you're always one step ahead of me. You probably won't see this until Sunday night, at which point you'll be all WTF? Please be assured that I am 100% in agreement with that reaction.

P.S. We are not making enough fun of Cho.

Choire-

So that thing today where I decided it would be better if I worked from home rather than coming to the Awl offices? Probably not a great idea. I'm a man who needs structure and purpose, and here I am sitting on the rug idly flipping through magazines and drinking a cocktail composed of the only ingredients I had left in the liquor cabinet (vodka, Cynar, and ginger kombucha; it tastes just as disgusting as you think it would, which is still better than the taste of ginger kombucha on its own). I barely even got dressed today, by which I mean I'm wearing a "Hollywood Kicked My Ass" t-shirt that I stole from the back of the old Gawker office and nothing else. It makes smoking on the fire escape somewhat dangerous for my dangly bits, but what are you gonna do?

Speaking of which, what do you think about a column called "My Dangly Bits"? It would be a more refined and sophisticated version of "My Cock" focused mainly on exotic sea salts and French wine and other fine things, including the correct way to pack a suit and when a gentleman is obliged to give up his seat for a lady. It would also teach people how to properly appreciate the opera.

Anyway, our first week is in the books! Early assessment: I think we did okay, all things considered, even if we kind of dogged it today. (Remember when I told you I was going outside to clear my head? I napped the fuck out of that hour.) I'm not sure that we've yet resolved the pacing and frequency issues you alluded to in your previous dispatch, but, for what it's worth, I hear from readers too, and they're all telling me they want more, rather than less. (Forget the fact that what they seem to be saying is that they want more posts from YOU.)

It's a weird trade-off; I get a sense that there's a craving for volume, but I've received several explicit requests for more extensive posts as well. Which is something we could do with about fifteen other employees or a suitcase full of meth. In the absence of those, we should line up some more contributors: I think it's a pretty universal consensus that they were the best thing about the site this week.

I definitely want you to reconsider your opposition to "David Cho's Rap Glossary." People on the Internet LOVE dictionaries of slang; I really think it could be a big hit. Seriously... Awl FTW.

There's a whole ton of stuff I'm wondering about concerning our topic selection-like, the Jane Harman stuff is interesting, I feel we should be talking about that more, but then again, like, do I really want to read all that crap? I want somebody to explain it it me!-and the evolution of the design, but holy fuck, it is really super sunny out there and the idea of starting down a path which will eventually lead me into phrases like "maintaining the integrity of our stated mission while providing more comprehensive cues to enhance user experience" makes we want to cry. So I'm gonna put some pants on my parts and get the hell out of here. Monday marks another week; I'm sure we'll get it completely right then. Have a great weekend! Give the cat a pill for me. I actually kinda missed him today.

Balk-

I am super tired! As are you probably. I was just downstairs smoking and reading the May/June issue of Departures magazine, which declares that "A is for an Enlightened Austerity!" Yes, "The era of the $50 million corporate jet, the $70 million Warhol, and the $6000 shower curtain is over." Um, and I had just forgotten all about Dennis Kozlowski and his shower curtain! Let's kill everyone!

I didn't mean to be passive-aggressive at our staff meeting today. Really! That's like the third time that people thought, or I was afraid they thought, that I was being passive-aggressive today. I had to write a note to Doree explaining that once earlier already. And she was like, um, what are you talking about? Heh. D'oh!

And when I told David Cho in the meeting that I really didn't care about the next iteration of the design for our website, I really meant that. I don't care! Let's experiment! Let's go crazy. Like a naive hooker, I'll try anything twice.

Stupid hookers.

What else? I'm sorry that you have to watch me give the cat antibiotics every morning. I'm sure the cat is more upset about it than us but still. Remember when you and me and Emily and Doree had a meeting at that very table where we work now, when I first came back to Gawker, and Emily was basically like, "What the fuck do you want? Who the fuck are you?" That was totally fun. That was back when we used to smoke inside.

So, the site was really fun yesterday, by which I mean Tuesday, and it was totally not so fun today, which is good, because that probably means it will be fun tomorrow. That is pretty much the pattern, right? Plus I will maybe be over being phenomenally bummed out about Peter Kaplan leaving the Observer.

One of the complaints I have been listening to today from readers (I love readers! And I love reader complaints!) is that "frequency of posting is working against us." A couple of people said that on Rex's blog today. (Ha, so it must be true! No but seriously.) I know it'll take us a few weeks or months or lifetimes to work it all out, but I'm thinking about erring on the side of under-posting for a little while.

If I can stop myself.

Which maybe I can't.

Okay I am going to go give the cat his nighttime pills.

Speaking of, here is a video about giving cats pills which is basically like Things White People Like or whatever that was called meets This Is Why You're Fat b/w I Can Haz Cheezburger.