Everyone was so riled up about culture this week that I had to drink a whole bottle of ACME Acid every morning just to cope with my pointless existence. What kind of bullshit did we jerk our jaws off for? Come, let me chew your food with my metal teeth and my dashing enzymes!Selfies
Call me the Lizard Lord of Dooftopia and spank me silly with the atrocities of change! Shower me in selfies of varying qualities, poor lighting, and Vampiric Vanity! Listen, butterfly thinkers, the telegram didn’t cut us down and the telephone made us say I Love You more. Let visual communication of Self spread even [...]
I don’t habitually spend time looking at topless men. I’ll see them at the gym and sometimes, if I’m not careful, catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. But generally, this diversion doesn’t comfortably fit into my routine. This year, though, for about four months, I made an exception. For reasons known only to my analyst (LOL, kidding. I don’t have an analyst, because life isn’t a Woody Allen movie!), I turned again and again to a blurry portrait of a lithe, 70-year-old Puerto Rican Jew.
To the extent that I was obsessed by anything this year, this was it.
At approximately 2 a.m. on July 21, [...]
I find it impossible to write fiction that's set after 2002. Not because I'm a Gen-Xer waxing nostalgic about relaxing to Morcheeba on a distastefully stained sofa I found partially torn apart by a dog in an alley. (Oh, the glamour.) It's just that it's inconceivable to depict contemporary times authentically without including interludes where characters stare at their cell phones instead of advancing their plotlines – their lives – towards some conclusion. Which is, as a thing to read, mind-numbingly dull. Unless I write "and then his Galaxy 4's battery died" no one can ever get lost, forget an important fact, meet a partner outside of a dating [...]
A series dedicated to explaining Britain's manufactured celebrities to an American audience.
At this pivotal juncture of Western feminism, as minds great and not so great debate Sheryl Sandberg's diktats, parse Marissa Mayer's tyrannical telecommuting ban, and analyze more rigorously the lyrics of "I Knew You Were Trouble" now that we know Taylor's totally singing about Harry Styles, it is edifying to see that, when it comes to sisterly activism, one of Britain's most influential female role models refuses to shirk her duty. "It's hard being 33 and being a model," beloved Page 3 alum Kelly Brook movingly—bravely!—confided to OK, "but I do it because it's nice to [...]
"America’s selfie obsession reached a new low on Tuesday when a woman snapped a cellphone self-portrait that also captured a suicidal man on the Brooklyn Bridge. With scores of onlookers watching the dramatic 10 a.m. rescue by cops, the crass camerawoman turned her back to the scene, angled her phone toward the bridge and snapped a shot. The scarf-clad blonde even cracked a thin smile." —Oh whatever, if Nan Goldin did it people would be LINING UP to throw money at it. Get with the times, scolds.
Photo by [...]
At work, when I don’t want to be at my desk, but also don’t want to be trawling the daytime shit-show streets of Midtown West, I hang out in the office bathroom. Our offices used to be on the Upper West Side, and our setup was a subterranean joke, but each of our bathroom cubicles was a tiny room equipped with a sink, a mirror, and ample floor space. If I had time to kill, I’d snap some selfies, adjust my entire outfit from the undies up, or try on whatever I’d ordered off ASOS. And when, by accident, I cluelessly got the tiny nonprofit I work for charged a [...]