I made bucatini carbonara last night-someday I'll share the recipe!-so I was a little freaked out this morning to hear about the absolutely massive recall of salmonella-tainted eggs. Then I remembered I'm bulletproof, and the gypsy woman told me the only way I would ever die was being run down by a bike delivery guy. The rest of you might want to watch out, though.

Meet Team D: "Like telemarketers, Team D works in a giant cubicle, armed with telephone headsets and questionnaires geared to specific pathogens. The team consists of six to eight students from the University of Minnesota School of Public Health. They are intensively trained and work an average of 20 hours per week with close oversight from MDH epidemiologists on more than a thousand cases each year." These plucky young students are responsible for helping to identify the culprits in the recent cookie dough outbreak. Also, the "D" stands for diarrhea!

I don't know about you, but I am pretty firmly of the notion a chicken restaurant should probably not be branding itself as "pink," no matter how worthy the reasoning behind said color scheme. Then again, we are talking about the chicken restaurant that is always willing to go there when it comes to being gross, so.

Here we go: "U.S. food regulators announced a voluntary recall on Thursday of food made with a common flavoring that could be contaminated with salmonella bacteria but did not estimate how broad the recall will be." The flavoring is hydrolyzed vegetable protein, and since pretty much everything we eat in America today is made in a lab and full of artificial compounds that could probably just as well be used as defoliants or paint thinner, I would imagine every single thing in your kitchen cabinet is riddled with salmonella right now. On the plus side, you've filled yourself with so much crap over the years that unless you [...]