If you are not familiar with this part of New Jersey I cannot quite convey to you the level of sadness involved in masturbating along Route 10. But oh my God it is SO MUCH SADNESS. It hurts just to think about.
Knifecrime Island is now Frosty Prison Island, where none can leave their homes for fear of being glassed in the face and left in a snowdrift. To survive, "â€˜a large number' of elderly customers are snapping up hardbacks as cheap fuel for their fires and stoves." Yes. ENGLAND GRIPPED BY WIDE-SPREAD BOOK-BURNING FOR SURVIVAL. A good old-fashioned home book-burning party, how deluxe. The Guardian, somewhat offended, suggests alternatives, such as the burning of cow dung. Those liberals just want England's fine pensioners to face our fine American death panels.
The White House nominee for the head of the Bureau of Labor Statistics not only went to left-wing Harvard, not only worked at the nefarious New York Fed, is not only married to a professor of sexy, sexy evolution (it's true! He studies sperm!), but, just like pretty much half of the bankers and lawyers in New York, she also sent her kids to Jewish summer camp, according to this shocking report in The Daily Caller. As you know, Israel is anti-America, because it's not actually in America, and also they let women serve in the military and have you heard about this whole "kibbutz" thing? Where they [...]
When I saw the headline "The Saddest Christmas Card Ever" I thought it was going to be something like, "Daddy is wishing you a Merry Christmas from Heaven," but it turns out to be slightly less maudlin than that. Although, yes, it is still a little sad.