Among the many awful, tasteless, grotesque and sometimes actually funny things that were said at the Gridiron Club Dinner this weekend in D.C., one of those dress-up events where the press and politicians cozy up, this thing was said by Texas Governor Rick Perry: “I like Mitt Romney as much as one really good-looking man can like another really good-looking man—without breaking the law in Texas.”

Have you ever been innocently reading a news article on the Internet and had the experience where your vision slowly becomes obscured, as if a red velvet curtain is being lowered in front of your eyes, and little black sparkles with white outlines [...]

Would more people cut Rick Perry some slack if they realized that the dude is kind of old? Sure, why the hell not.

At a recent New Hampshire tea party rally, Sarah Palin spoke of the regulatory burdens on the area's Yankee Fisherman's Cooperative, a group that she compared to "our own commercial fishing family." Back in June, on a previous trip to New Hampshire, she said, "Well, commercial fishing is near and dear to my heart of course. You know, having fished for so many years. And I understand fish politics. I understand what these fishermen are going through."

But an open records request by The Awl found that Palin, once again, failed to apply for a license to fish in Alaska this season. The request follows our [...]

"Texas Gov. Rick Perry turned his rhetorical fire on Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke here Monday night, saying that the chairman would be committing a 'treasonous' act by ordering the printing of more money." —That would the same Texas Gov. Rick Perry who suggested that his state could secede from the union during his 2010 re-election campaign.

• "El Paso City Council did the right thing Tuesday when it approved spending $773,000 in federal stimulus money to buy 1,145 M-4 rifles," opined the El Paso Times editorial board this week. "Police have to be ready for anything these days, from a Columbine-like school shooting to a terrorist attack."

• "Texas won't compete for up to $700 million in federal stimulus money for education because the program 'smacks of a federal takeover of our public schools,' Republican Gov. Rick Perry said Wednesday."

After Texas governor and U.S. presidential candidate Rick Perry criticized the Obama administration for sending $500 million of aid to the country Solynda, disturbing new details about his attitudes toward ethnic Solyndans have emerged.

Speaking at a campaign event in Iowa on Sunday, Perry said that he was in favor of cutting all "subsidies or however you refer to them" to Solynda. Within an hour of that statement, two former Perrry campaign staffers spoke off the record with The Awl to strongly condemn Perry's take on the strategic importance of Solynda to the United States.

"Cutting aide to Solynda is not about good public policy, or smart foreign [...]

One would think the picture of a six-foot Rick Perry "chia pet" planter would be comment enough. No sir. The story behind the chia governor (yours for $4,500) is much, much better (worse?).

On Monday at the CNN-Tea Party Republican presidential debate, Michele Bachmann pounced on the fact that Rick Perry signed an executive order in 2007 mandating all girls in his state be vaccinated against HPV. She was accusing the Texas governor of crony capitalism.

Bachmann had found the issue that would differentiate her from the man who stole her thunder. The Congresswoman spent the next few days slamming Perry and the HPV vaccine in interviews—and even in her fundraising email immediately following the debate's conclusion. It's a move that morphs a one-time sideshow amusement and general thorn in the side of Democrats (and thinking human beings) into a genuine public [...]

In defense of Texas Governor Rick Perry, who called Juarez “the most dangerous city in America," it's not like El Paso and Juarez aren't deeply intertwined and immediately abutting—as you will recall from when the MEXICAN SPY DRONE landed on (BARELY) AMERICAN SOIL in El Paso. Though, in many ways, they have nothing in common! Contrary to what the right-wing border militia winguts say, America's border cities often have an admirable crime rate. (Also, I would not agree that Juarez is the most dangerous city in the Americas, either. Have you been to Bogota and St. Louis recently?)

The Texas commission examining the execution of Cameron Todd Willingham-chronicled in a recent New Yorker piece by David Grann-has indefinitely postponed a session in which it was to hear a report which casts doubt on Willingham's conviction. The postponement is a result of Gov. Rick Perry's replacement of every member of the commission he is allowed to appoint. "If you've got a whole new investigation going forward, it makes a lot more sense to put the new people in now and let them start the full process, rather than bring people in there for a short period of time and then replace them," said Perry. "I think it [...]

Opposition research—political Dumpster diving perfected by Lee Atwater and Roger Stone—has been a part of American politics for nearly 200 years. Your familiarity with Willie Horton, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright and John Edwards' $400 haircut is a tribute to its irritating persistence as a campaign tool. What follows is oppo research, but we do not aim to inflict damage. In fact, The Awl's effort, a collection of early media mentions of the Republican candidates (sometimes appearing under their given names), may actually endear these Presidential hopefuls to you. Or am I the only one charmed by 11-year-old zoo booster Newton Gingrich?

MITT ROMNEY New York Times
—February 28, 1960

By [...]

"Oh my God, who invited you?" That's the first question Chelsea, the young woman with the Michele Bachmann event tag dangling from her neck, asked me when I told the Champps hostess I was here for the Fox News-Google GOP debate viewing party.

Chelsea is distraught, because Bachmann's campaign might somehow be on the hook for the event's food and drinks. "I don't know who organized this. We don't have any money for this," she said, kind of having a small breakdown.

Bachmann's former campaign manager had recently revealed that Bachmann's operation is basically on life support—telling MSNBC that she "doesn't have the ability or the resources to go beyond [...]

Such a lather people are in, because Rick Perry was cheered at the Republican debate last week for executing 234 death row prisoners in Texas. Actually, Perry didn't even have a chance to repond to the question, posed by Brian Williams, before the audience started applauding. The transcript goes like this:

Williams: Governor Perry, a question about Texas. Your state has executed 234 death row inmates, more than any other governor in modern times. Have you…

(APPLAUSE) [also one person whistling]

Have you struggled to sleep at night with the idea that any one of those might have been innocent?

Well, of course not, Brian. What a question. Rick [...]

"Standing inside a warehouse that makes fluid sealing products for the petrochemical industry, Perry said the Texas program for permitting pollutants from petrochemical plants has helped improve air quality." -Texas governor Rick Perry, objecting to a threat by the Environmental Protection Agency to remove the state's regulatory authority over air quality due to the state's continuing noncompliance with the Clean Air Act, is defiant in his-wait a second, does that really say, "Standing inside a warehouse that makes fluid sealing products for the petrochemical industry"? Yes, yes it does. Sigh. Texas. It's like a whole other country.

Rick Perry has a problem. The longest serving governor in Texas history is expected to face an extremely difficult primary against Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison, who, seeing no end to the period of Republican minority in the Senate, longs to return to Austin, with its beautiful sunsets and bountiful array of state records to illegally destroy. How does Perry-last re-elected in 2006 with a mere 39% of the vote, and that in a race where this fella drew 10%-hope to make himself seem more simpatico with the crazy-ass voters of which the Texas electorate is mainly composed?