When editors and sponsors demanded changes to his copy, the legendary absurdist comedian and radio star Fred Allen used to reply: "Where were you bastards when the pages were blank?"
This joke is about the common misconception about what really happens between writers and editors, which is a kind of alchemical collaboration, provided that the collaborators in question are in sympathy and closely attending to the matter at hand. Granted, that doesn't happen every time, on either side, but at its best there is no hostility, and no jockeying for an advantage in this symbiosis: no ego, no performance, just an intent shared focus on making something good together for [...]
Appearing here Wednesdays, Turning The Screw provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. "There's nothing out there but cold space."
Dear Polly,
I'm a straight 20-year-old woman. I was in love with my best friend, Ben, for three-and-a-half years, since the end of my senior year of high school. Ben is gay, so that was problematic, but even when it was at its worst, I was self-aware enough about the whole thing to understand that it wasn't healthy for me, and it wasn't sustainable.
Anyway, about 6 weeks ago, I started dating someone. I'm really excited about Noah, to put it lightly. He's my first [...]
"New research suggests the way in which we think of things and treat other people depends on whether we are single or in a relationship. In a new study, researchers discovered that people like to believe that their way of life — whether single or coupled — is the best for everyone, especially if they think their relationship status is unlikely to change."
Planning the end of a relationship is probably the closest many of us will ever get to knowing what it's like to plot a murder. Will they see it coming?, you wonder. Some of us are careless, impulsive relationship-murderers, and so the breakups happen spontaneously, the time and place as random as Clue cards. Others plan it all out, postponing, buying time until the perfect opportunity, thinking over the most humane method. Maybe you'll wait for the vernal equinox on account of your partner's Seasonal Affective Disorder. But then he or she might forever associate the sadness of the breakup with cherry blossoms and freshly graffiti'd "Nurse Jackie" posters, [...]
"Quickly moving in with your honey may be the kiss of death for some couples. New research indicates that couples who move in together before they get engaged or married are less happy and less likely to stay together than couples who wait…. The responses showed that the couples' frequency of sex increased for a short time after they moved in together, but the responses also showed overall declines in relationship quality and commitment." So… trade-offs.
This will come in handy later: "Therapists say the emotional stages after a breakup parallel the well-known stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, rebuilding. In general, the more meaningful the relationship, the longer it will take to move through the stages after a breakup. Figure a couple months for a short relationship, six months to a year for one that lasted a few years, and two to three years to recover after a long-term marriage, says Tina B. Tessina, a marriage and family therapist in Long Beach, Calif." Of course this cycle is more difficult for men, but either way it's not easy. At least [...]
While the lackluster courtship rituals of the overclass may not be box-office gold these days, they do exert endless fascination for the proprietors of luxe magazine brands. Witness, for instance, Melanie Berliet's Vanity Fair online testimonial, "Desperately Seeking Sugar Daddies." The conceit of the confessional piece is to combine the writer's impatience with her stalled day-job prospects with her willingness to undertake a "social experiment"-registering as an enterprising gold-digger at a dating site called "Seeking Arrangement" ("the elite sugar daddy site for mutually beneficial relationships"). Berliet makes a pro forma show of ethical introspection as she prepares her profile. Sure, she may be "walking the line between [...]
