What's going on off the coast of Prison Island? Oh, just a case of MONSTER SHARK SYNDROME! "The nine-foot white pointer shark emerged from the waters off the Queensland coast with an eye-popping wound: two gigantic bite marks that nearly split it in two. What could possibly be large enough to have a jaw that big? Experts say it's likely a monster shark measuring at least 15 feet in length." Look at this non-monster shark (although, sure, nine feet is nothing to sneeze at) and feel the terror. Also the amazingness. I mean, it's pretty goddamn cool. I just hope the monster shark doesn't do blackface.