Last weekend, when North Korea's United States Strike Plan was revealed, one city's inclusion had everyone baffled. The list included Washington D.C., Hawaii, Los Angeles and… Austin, Texas.

"No one seems to have any clue about how that last one made it on," Slate wrote. The genius foreign policy analysts at Townhall opined that "The literal answer, and literal target, is South Korea's Samsung Electronics Co.'s Samsung Austin Semiconductor (SAS) manufacturing facility." Less serious reasoning has blamed South By Southwest.

Nope! The real reason Kim Jung-un is targeting Austin for destruction is hipsters. Because of their acts of aggression against North Korea.

For those reading about the remake of Red Dawn (and the brewing outrage over it in China!) in the Daily News or the Hollywood Reporter or the Global Times or Reuters or the New Yorker or elsewhere, Abe Sauer's original piece on the film, with excerpts from the script, can be found here.

One of the links passed around Twitter by China watchers yesterday was a photo gallery of "little warriors playing the game 'Defend the Diaoyu Islands.'" (The Islands being the disputed territory that sparked the nation's recent anti-Japan protests.) Armed with plastic assault rifles and (adorable!) berets, the children completed boot camp-like obstacle courses such as shimmying under razor wire (kidding; just string) while gripping tiny Chinese flags in their mouths (not kidding).

It's been two-and-a-half years since we first wrote about the Red Dawn reboot after coming across an early script. Then, the film's original 2010 release date was postponed; in the interim, the army invading America was [...]

Later this year, America's dream factory will foist upon an already blooded-up America a remake of 1984's Red Dawn. It's probably the most unnecessary, irresponsible, Sinophobic film in America's history, and that's saying a lot. And it will be just in time for midterm elections already foul with the tea party's red-white-and-blue jingoism. What a time for it-America's relationship with China hasn't been this crucial since, say, 1941.

Aww. Sounds like MGM, which is now the property of its creditors (so long, James Bond movies?), might not even be able to release Red Dawn. But we were having so much fun!