Chicago, the city of broad asses, has a raccoon problem. They're everywhere! Hopefully they will figure out how boring that town is and go somewhere else before they become Italian beef. If that isn't happening already.

"We have a really fearless group of maintenance workers. They said they weren't afraid. but they did see him in the building, there was a sighting of him, and they reported it immediately." You'd think Brooklyn Public Library spokesperson Malika Granville was referring to a grizzly bear or a mountain lion or a suicide bomber. Nope. Just a raccoon that snuck into the basement of the main branch across the street from Prospect Park. It's probably safe to assume that the poor animal was more afraid of the maintenance workers than they were of him. He was probably in there hiding from all the animal-murdering biologists roaming [...]

"Two young raccoons saved from a Pepsi machine in Tulsa, Oklahoma by the 'Skunk Whisperer'"!