Posts Tagged: Polls
4

Pity the Incoherent Youngs

Young people, it seems, "have totally incoherent political views" that "don't make any sense." How very Millennial.

For instance, "something interesting happens when Millennials start making serious dough. They start getting much more squeamish about giving it away." Like "69 percent think the government should guarantee health insurance… 55 percent are 'unwilling to pay more for health insurance in order to help provide coverage to the uninsured.'" Not at all like other, presumably older people.

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Amazing New Poll Says Only 10% of U.S. Thinks Abortion Should Be Totally Illegal

NBC/WSJ poll: Most Americans favor gay marriage. Most oppose abortion. nbcnews.to/12QbxWB

— Jim Roberts (@nycjim) April 12, 2013

One problem with Twitter as a news-and-churn source is that it's hard to summarize things! So here is a telephone poll, of a whopping 1000 people, that finds that… well what does it find?

"According to the survey, a combined 52 percent say that abortion should be illegal either with exceptions or without them, versus a combined 45 percent who say it should be legal either 'always' or 'most of the time.'" What does that actually mean? We already know from far more thorough studies that 63% [...]

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Nation "Extremely Grumpy," Says Poll

According to a new poll of literally hundreds of people, Americans are in a "bad mood." It's the worst mood they've collectively had in almost two years.

The poll found that if you asked people questions like "Are you in a worse mood than you were last month?" or "Do you feel great today?" people generally said they just weren't as peppy as they used to be.

"The passage of time reminds me of my aging flesh and the march of time in which I face down my much-needed dental work," said Jane Horowitz, 47, of Sampshire, LA, who is a totally random person. "Why are you [...]

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Questioning the Questions

Which is more meta, this online Guardian poll asking if the "Newsweek Daily Beast Company merger" is "the way forward for journalism," or this online Daily News poll asking if online polls are believable? Don't tell us your answer in the comments.

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Tiger Woods: Too Soon!

Dear Washington Post,

In your "interactive poll" on whether it is too soon for Tiger Woods to return to playing golf, you instructed those who selected the "not sure" response to "please explain in the comments." So here is my explanation for responding that way.

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Newspaper Poll Unintentionally Reveals Emptiness And Futility Of Modern Life

The best part of this is that the "celeb" whose naked pictures prompted the question in the first place turns out to be the cocktail waitress who allegedly banged a Famous Golfer. It is indeed a brave new world.

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America Decides: What Should We Do With The Horse Buggerer?

The titillating story of South Carolinian Rodell Vereen, "busted for having sex with a horse, while on probation for having sex with the same horse," seems far less prurient when it is presented as an opportunity for citizens to express their opinions on the subject in the form of an Internet poll. That said, the lack of an option suggesting that Vereen do the right thing and marry the long-suffering object of his affections is rather revealing as to how far our values have fallen in this country. (You may also enjoy the comment section on the article, which has somehow turned into a conversation about race. Maybe [...]

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Maybe Furious New Yorkers Will Not Storm Gracie Mansion And Hang Bill de Blasio From His Feet In Central Park

Now that Mayor de Blasio has stopped the snow from continuing to fall, people like him again. You wonder why he didn't do it any earlier. Probably socialism.

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"Polls" Describe Candidates as "Deadlocked"

It's the post-primary, pre-convention part of the election cycle, where a poll "can find" that Mitt Romney and Barack Obama are in a DEAD HEAT for the presidency of the United States! Flap your hands in a panic, Mittens could be the president! Everyone panic! Just kidding, Romney will lose quite handily, let's just flash-forward 119 days.

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How Was Your Day? A Poll

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Seven Recent Politico Headlines

Poll: Sarah Palin woes could hurt Carly Fiorina

Polls show Christine O'Donnell trailing Chris Coons by double digits

Poll shows Gilly race at ten point spread

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Poll: "Blacks Not Particularly Optimistic About Future"

"Poll: Blacks optimistic about future." Let's look at CNN's exciting new poll numbers!

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Tiny Pool of English Words Actually Used Results in Annoyance

There is a a poll, for some reason, that says Americans are most irritated-at least, among a small array of choices-by overuse of the word "whatever." Here are ten words way more annoying than "whatever": Diaper. Endocrine. Lasik. Muffintop. Napkin. Ruched. Bulletin. Evanescent. Deciduous. Salami.

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Mark Penn Has Something To Say About Blogging! Crowd Round!

Mark Penn, publicist and pollster for corporate murdering outfits, dodgy mortgage companies and Hillary Clintons, strikes again in the Wall Street Journal-on the topic of blogging. Do not look! He is trying to make you blog about this-using the tactics of PETA and Aubrey O'Day! Okay, but did you know that nearly 1% of Americans earn income from blogging, according to Mark Penn? I do not believe that factoid for one minute. And yet it is still fewer than the number of Americans in prison.

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Polls Garbage

I know you may find this hard to believe, but polls for municipal races are not exactly bastions of precision, particularly when it comes to the preferences of minorities.

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And the Worst Movie of 2011 Is….

You know it was a bad year in movies when Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close only clocks in at #5 on the top ten worst movies. Why, it's the annual Vulture Critics' Poll! (Warning: you can probably guess what's chosen as the absolute worst movie of 2011. HINT: Worse than Transformers!) All the ballots are here, and when you read them, you wonder how the terrible, awful, boring War Horse didn't make it into the top ten. One awesome thing about the ballots: the New York Times' Nathan Lee only put down one movie: Midnight in Paris. Now that's awesome. (Still: super-mad at Alynda Wheat for putting [...]

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ACORN Still Up To Its Filthy Old Tricks!

"In November of 2009 we found 52% of Republicans thought ACORN had stolen the election for Barack Obama in 2008. Now only 25% think the organization will steal the election for him again next year." —What are you even supposed to make of this? Quick, everyone find your long-form birth certificates!

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Shock Polls Show Deeply Vulnerable Andrew Cuomo Crushing Carl Paladino

Oh no, Andrew Cuomo is in trouble! Take it away, Fred Dicker:

The startling new Quinnipiac University poll has pierced the veil of Andrew Cuomo's electoral inevitability, shaking his campaign to the foundations in the process. The good news for Attorney General Cuomo is that while bomb-throwing Buffalo businessman Carl Paladino is breathing down his neck, Cuomo has plenty of time remaining to change campaign strategy before the Nov. 2 gubernatorial election. The bad news is that Cuomo will have to replace his notoriously cautious and controlling style with a genuine sense of outrage and passion if he wants to connect with the voters' anger and demands for [...]

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POLL: WHY AM I LOSING THIS POLL?

OMG, you guys, the ones still on the Internet, both of you: me and Balk are totes currently losing the Mediaite poll of "top online editor of 2009." To HARVEY LEVIN! I am never going to sleep again. (Because I am playing Yoko Ono's Season of Glass really loud in the office, because Balk is leaving for precious family time, and that album is so upsetting!)

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45% Of Doctors Will Not Quit Practicing If Health Care Reform Happens

You may hear about a poll showing that 45% of doctors would consider quitting if health care reform is passed. Don't believe it. (It is important to mention that the poll comes from Investors Business Daily, the geniuses who brought you "If Stephen Hawking lived in England the death panels would have killed him by now.") Demolishing the results, Your Geeky Boyfriend Nate Silver notes: "There are pollsters out there that have an agenda but are highly competent, and there are pollsters that are nonpartisan but not particularly skilled. Rarely, however, do you find the whole package: that special pollster which is both biased and inept. IBD/TIPP [...]