As much as New York City has its own peculiar history, it's well mixed-up with America's, too: The Battle of Brooklyn was the largest of the Revolutionary War, and there was that one glorious year when the city was the nation's capital. You can visit Lady Liberty, of course, but if you'd prefer something more off-the-beaten track, here are three patriotic, NYC-based relics you could pilgrimage to this weekend For America. READ MORE

I am an American, OK? I was born here, so I can't help it. For that, I don't apologize, here, or even in like, Canada or someplace where they are always telling us (as in U.S.) Americans how we (as in The People) fucked up the whole world. However, to poppy growers in the Afghanistan, I would like to say in my official capacity as an American, you are totally correct, we are Fucking Shit Up for you Over There, sorry, but look, can't we just work it so you guys just get a license to grow Medical Opium and then we'll buy it all off you? READ MORE