Are you a childless adult? Are you not charged with the care of any invalid friends or relatives? Do you live in New York, or some other place where it's possible to get decent groceries? Then listen, you have no excuse to ever buy jarred pasta sauce.

I can hear the complaints already:

YOU: I’m very busy and have no time to craft fanciful sauces! ME: No, you aren’t. Making sauce only takes around half an hour. YOU: But I’m too important to concern myself with such matters! ME: Fine, you’re excused. Go spend those I-Banker dollars on pasta prepared by professionals, and have it delivered to your [...]

"Working with real bears was like working with trained dogs. Granted, mama and papa bear were like big strong scary willful dogs. But the cubs were very cute and cuddly. It took a month to train the them all and still there were very human things we wished they could do, like actually cooking and serving the pasta. We had to pull that off in other ways." —Element 79 senior VP-group creative director Chris Laubach discusses his agency's new commercial, which reinforces the timeless association between bears and pasta.

"It’s a mirror universe where everything is pliant and groovy, and in that universe there’s someone that stands out, and it’s the boring-looking trenne with its sharp edges.” —Architect George L. Legendre, who along with his partner, Marco Guarnieri, has made an art book called Pasta by Design, which presents mathematical equations detailing the shapes of 92 different types of pasta, along with pictures and suggestions for accompanying sauces. That is a ridiculous and fun-sounding project. I wonder which pasta Legendre would say is the most pliant and groovy in the mirror noodle universe? Who is the Papa John Philips, the Jimi Hendrix of pastas? Maybe [...]

The Daily Beast scares you straight today, warning about the "30 Pastas That Kill." The culprits include cabonara (a knife man), alfredo (usually a sniper but has been known to plant a car bomb or two) and gorgonzola, a sadistic fuck who will beat you with his fists for several hours before finally putting a bullet in the back of your skull and dissolving your body in a vat of lye. Thank God we've been warned.

"What the movie shows is very interesting. The animal excavates sand to get the shell out, then swims for a long time to find an appropriate area where it can crack the shell. It requires a lot of forward thinking, because there are a number of steps involved. For a fish, it's a pretty big deal." —I'll say! University of California ecology and evolutionary biology professor Giacomo Bernardi talks about the orange-dotted tuskfish he filmed opening a clam with the help of a rock. It is the first filmic evidence of tool usage by a fish. I can't wait for the next scene, when the fish uses a fork [...]