11. Parental Guidance. Starring Zombie Billy Crystal.

10. The Impossible. Upside: Ewan McGregor likely to be shirtless. Downside: distressing death and dying and disaster, in a real-life thing that happened, but was actually so much worse than even this. (This movie is supposed to be very, very good, but I cannot.)

9. On the Road. "Jack Kerouac’s iconic novel about the Beat Generation comes to the big screen starring Kristen Stewart."

8. Jack Reacher. LOL IDK with this. But what if it's another Tom Cruise awesome surprise movie, like Knight and Day? WHAT THEN?

7. Amour. I adore you, Michael Haneke. But I need my incredibly glacial films about [...]

Times restaurant critic Sam Sifton goes to London and what is there to eat at the hottest places in town? DISHES OF HORROR MOSTLY. A textural nightmare. A heart-stopping pile of Englishisms.

• "a plate of 'rice and flesh'… a kind of buttery risotto Milanese, heady with saffron and studded here and there with tiny nuggets of meat taken from a calf’s tail."

• "What you are served appears simply to be a Mandarin orange…. Cut through the dimpled skin of the fruit, however, and a mousse is revealed: an interior of whipped chicken liver with a flavor that is beautifully enhanced by the taste of its bright [...]

No but seriously folks: would you like to go deep on Christopher Hitchens? I personally would not! I am not terribly interested. I am sitting this one out! However: "About any sufferings that cannot serve as a pretext for American military intervention, moreover, Hitchens appears to have stopped caring."