Gotta jumper next door. Police putting up air bag in case he leaps! Don't do it! twitter.com/bbyrdi/status/…

— Brian Byrd (@bbyrdi) May 22, 2013

Midtown South has a jumper problem. This morning New York commuters found themselves tangled up with an apparent suicide watch, and they reacted in the way New Yorkers do.

Guy a block away from work is a "jumper" or some shit. Shitloads of cops and ambulettes swarming, got inflated thing up.

— S.B. (@ItsNotStephen) May 22, 2013

So, there's a #jumper on the bldg next 2 us. It's almost more disturbing that ppl R watching, taking pictures of the [...]

Why did the Bloomberg administration expend hours and hours of City time keeping the Cathie Black emails private? There weren't that many of them. They weren't that interesting, overall. Their defense showed that the Mayor's office—or "Mb" himself, as Bloomberg's permanent #2, Patricia Harris, refers to him in emails—believes this: "the principles permitting government employees to exchange opinions, advice and criticism freely and frankly, without the chilling prospect of public disclosure, should extend to individuals who have been elected or selected to public office but have not yet assumed office." That's right. Because the machinations of installing an entirely unqualified local famous person to run (ruin?) New York City's [...]

There’s a strange, wonderful short story by Donald Barthelme about a balloon that appears one day on Fourteenth Street and grows, like a low-hanging blimp, until it covers a good deal of Manhattan. It becomes an object of widespread puzzlement and fascination. Children leap across its surface. Art critics analyze its colors. City officers conduct secret nighttime tests to better understand it.

For the past couple of weeks, Fort Greene has been living out its own strange version of "The Balloon." On a handful of corners, seemingly overnight, bike racks have appeared. And not just any bike racks, but city bike racks. Or is it citibike racks? These, in [...]

Got anything else? Let us know. Enjoy the great outdoors. (Bostonians, we hope they let you outside soon.)

"The kidnapping of a Washington Heights couple on Friday — which set off a three-day police manhunt for the alleged abductors — turned out to be nothing but a surprise party prank. The apparent abduction began Friday around 8:30 p.m. when a man and a woman were forced into a van near W. 176th St. and Haven Ave. by two hooded men who had chased them down, witnesses told cops."

How much can one man get done in twelve years? Well, quite a bit. "At this rate of decline"—in the admission of black and Latino students to the eight academic specialized schools in New York City—"six years from now there will be no black and Hispanic students admitted at all." Okay, while that, thanks to math, is actually unlikely to occur, still that is absolutely the trending on admissions to gifted and talented schools in the city. We're actually pretty close! For example, that's nine black students admitted to Stuyvesant in 2013. How's everyone else doing? "Hispanic students are 40.3 percent of the system. Currently, they [...]

Oh look, there's a new attraction in Manhattan for the downtown art crowd:

The husband-and-wife pair stepped out alongside Morgado on Tuesday night for the opening-night gala for "The Bible Experience," an exhibit in downtown Manhattan featuring photography from the mini-series as well as biblical artifacts by way of the Vatican and a giant, two-ton crown of thorns hanging from the ceiling. A spooky Old World ambiance was enhanced by dim lighting, a fog machine and Hans Zimmer's musical score in the background as guests wandered through a cavernous space built to seem centuries-old with earthy walls and barely any heat circulating. "This is a gift to [...]

Hey, young ladies! Do you regularly exhibit your nipples and/or pudenda on the streets? Young millennial fellas: are you a balls-out kinda guy in general? Good news! While some uptight fools will tell you not to dress like a slanch for your internship, we believe you are more likely to Find Your Unique Path and also to Make It In New York City in general if you just "be yourself." An office is an extension of your lifestyle, after all, and if your lifestyle is nipple-centric or "neo-burlesque" or "embodying James Deen gifs," that is fine, and don't let anyone tell you different. You're only young and pretty once!

"We start trends in New York. Spring and summer 2013 is all about the dog tattoo."

The Woolworth Building, which was at one point the tallest building in the world, opened on this day in 1913.

Photo: Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division

Jon Methven's This Is Your Captain Speaking can be ordered here.

From time to time, we offer up this space for everyday New Yorkers with a point of view on the issues of the day.

It's a big week, with gay marriage up before those old fuckfaces in the Supreme Court, with hackers trying to take down our Netflix accounts, and with old straight men confessing their love of high-heeled boots and also apparently doing dudes during their midlife crisis. What an era in which we live! By which I mean, the Cenozoic. But more importantly, weighing heavily on all our minds, is the forthcoming Jurassic Park 4, which is expected to hit theaters next summer, which will be my first [...]

In January 2009, when architecture writer Andrew Blum arranged to have his home internet service repaired, the technician who arrived at his Brooklyn apartment told him that the source of the problem was relatively low-tech: a squirrel had been chewing the rubber-coated wire that ran from Blum's building. Not much could be done, the technician said, other than wait for things to get better on their own, and they did. But Blum was shocked by his realization that the emails and websites he'd been reading on the computer had first passed through a wire in his back yard; his wonky home service was a physical problem, not a strictly technological [...]

So, according to New York magazine, a local woman has quit her job and, with her husband earning a "low-six-figure income," she has decided to raise children and not work at all! What an amazing specimen. But this isn't your grandparents' housewifery. "This is not the retreat from high-pressure workplaces of a previous generation but rather a more active awakening to the virtues of the way things used to be," claims New York magazine, discussing how said lady rubs her husband's feet when he comes home. ("Active awakening"! I'm really stuck on that language. I think it says that on a package of live yeast in my refrigerator? Also: [...]

"I’m in a mid-rise co-op complex with three balconied buildings that face a common courtyard. Rather than using them to appreciate the view, most people seem to use their balconies as repositories for junk. It’s such an eyesore. What can I do?"

According to the classic rock radio station I was listening to in the car this morning, DON'T DRIVE INTO NEW YORK CITY TODAY, oh yes, OCCUPY WALL STREET WILL BE DESTROYING MANHATTAN. If only!

That being said, Occupy and friends have a nice calendar of events for the day.

• 11 a.m. "Free University" in Cooper Square, outside the sad, sad hulk of Cooper Union, which was recently destroyed by capitalism.

• 1 p.m. "Anti-capitalist march" from Tompkins Square Park (of course).

• 4 p.m. Rally in Union Square. (This event has permits.)

• 7 p.m. A people's assembly in Foley Square.

There's much, much more going [...]

"New Yorkers assume that we live in the most expensive city in the country, and cost-of-living indexes tend to back up that assertion. But those measures are built around the typical American’s shopping habits, which don’t really apply to the typical New Yorker — especially not college-educated New Yorkers with annual household incomes in the top income quintile, or around $100,000. According to a recent study by Jessie Handbury, an economist at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School, people in different income classes do indeed have markedly different purchasing habits. That may not be surprising, but once you account for these different preferences, it turns out that living in[...]

On a mild April night some years ago, I walked past a college dorm in New Haven and smelled something I couldn’t place. It reminded me vaguely of swimming pools. Was it chlorine? I sniffed again, more deeply than before. Suddenly I knew exactly what it was and hurried away, internally berating an unseen teenage boy. A few evenings later, in the same spot, I smelled it again. Filled with a sense of moral outrage I looked around, I looked up, and identified the culprit: A tree.

More precisely, a Callery Pear, or Pyrus calleryana, a deciduous tree that’s common throughout North America. It blossoms in early spring and produces [...]

Pretty genius. In association with the exhibition at the New Museum, they've installed 5000 New York City pay phones with recorded messages about what was happening around you in 1993. Find a phone, call (855) FOR-1993, and suddenly Robin Byrd and James St. James (girrrlll!) are telling you about the good times.

Since 2002, Jason Ross (@jasonjross on Twitter) has been a writer for "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart," where his team has won a half-dozen Emmy Awards for outstanding writing and produced the best-selling America: The Book and Earth: The Book.

Jason Ross: Here I am.

Ken Layne: Hello, sir! I'm in the middle of the greatest consumer survey in human history.

Jason: That is a fairly low bar to clear.

Ken: Disneyland is building Star Wars Land. This will make Disneyland much more tolerable for me:

Which of the following Star Wars locations would you be especially interested in visiting at the Disneyland Resort? [...]