Lita Ford "Always Gets the Shaft" @10:35 AM
When will Lita Ford, the Stevie Nicks of hair metal, get the respect she deserves? Not, apparently, in The Runaways. BOO. "We see Cheri Currie and Joan Jett do drugs and make out a few times, but the movie does nothing to explore whatever complications that brought—if any—to their onstage and offstage relationship and only hints ever so briefly at what it did to the band dynamic. And speaking of the band, what about the other three members? Each gets a handful of dialogue (oh, Lita Ford, you always get the shaft!) but don’t even make it into the here’s-what-happened notes at movie’s end." 8
What Makes Your Movie Family-Friendly? (How Many Mommies Does Heather Have?) @12:15 PM
Florida gives a whopping 2%-of-budget tax credit to movies filmed in the state, but only if they're "family friendly." Now the state is trying to define "family friendly" in some tax cut legislation, and some legislators take it to mean movies without any "nontraditional family values." It's a fun semantic shift but mostly it's just to not give a tax credit to any movies with some gay in them. The best part is that this has inspired a rambling bit of hilarity from state Representative Stephen Precourt (R-ORLANDO, OBVS): "Think of it as like Mayberry. That's when I grew up — the '60s. That's what life was like. I want Florida to be known for making those kinds of movies: Disney movies for kids and all that stuff. Like it used to be, you know?" It's an impeccable word salad that he has thrown up here. 10
Why Apple Deserves an Oscar Too @4:30 PM
Avatar is in contention for an Oscar because it dominated its field, both technologically and financially. But another cinematic player was even more dominant last year: Apple. In the 44 films in 2009 that topped the box office for at least one weekend, an Apple logo or device could be seen in at least 18 of them. (That's almost 41%.) In some, Apple products even eclipsed their human scene partners. This high appearance rate does not include the heap of mass-market films from 2009 that did not own a weekend but also featured Apple product placement. READ MORE 43
Flicked Off: 'Alice in Wonderland' and Some Patriarchal Norms and Stuff @2:10 PM
Now I'm not a huge Tim Burton stan, but I thought that Alice In Wonderland was pretty good! The strengths were exactly what you would probably think them to be: visually it was very nice to look at—the landscape design was done by Robert Stromberg, the same guy who did Avatar's. The characters were all very charming and amiable with all of their British accents (and what not!), especially the lead girl Mia Wasikowska who was very crushable by the end. And while the plot/story seemed simple, I was okay with that because it's supposed to be palatable for children, but also because it was really positive and uplifting and supportive of young girls being confident in themselves and believing that they can do things that they set their minds to—which seems like a good thing to convey to today's youth. Considering these takeaways I had from the movie, you can imagine my surprise when I went on Rotten Tomatoes and saw that the movie had a composite review of 67% (coincidentally the same as Shutter Island, which I also thought was a really enjoyable movie—less of an emphasis on girl power, sure, but still fun to watch nonetheless) which seemed a little unfair. READ MORE 81
Horror Chick: Why the Heavens Should Crumble If ‘Inglourious Basterds’ Wins (Short Answer: Eli Roth) @11:40 AM
I can't stand Eli Roth. Everyone on the Internet has a strong opinion about him one way or the other, and the only difference between the two sides is that one is utterly fucking wrong. There are legions of horror fans who like him. There are oozy corners of the Web where he is worshiped and glorified. There are even fan clubs teeming with girls who think he's the zenith of swoony hotness or whateverthehell fangirls think. They are all tragically mistaken. Don't take it personally, fangirls—your mental slowness is part of the human condition. We're all morons about something. I think Jeff Dunham’s kinda funny. READ MORE 126
Do Want: Oscar Cookies @11:20 AM
Aww, Best Picture nominee cookies in Chelsea. I do not see one with a Jew beating someone's head in? 8
The Oscars are Next Week and Nope, I Still Haven’t Seen 'Avatar' @3:49 PM
No, I’m not some joyless prude. I was once like you, even. Remember when we were sitting around your apartment and decided to watch the trailer online? How we laughed! Someone had tried to adapt early 90s Trapper Keepers® for the screen! And they’d spent a small nation’s GDP to make it happen! If, some months from that point, James Cameron Trips Over A Fanboy Wishlist Into The Uncanny Valley wasn’t going to be the flop of our young century, jeez, it really should’ve been.
Then we went about our admittedly terrestrial lives. READ MORE 58
I will delete the holy shit out of some movie reviews on this site for $400,000. Enquire within! Or best offer! @2:50 PM 7
"This is the kind of critically bilious emetic I would ordinarily pass by, looking the other way. But at the screening for alleged critics I attended, one lady reviewer old enough to know better went into high-pitched squeals of shrieking hysterics every time the cops described in detail their excrement, flatulence and penis size."
—Rex Reed, reviewing "Cop Out," indicates subtly that he has had it with you people laughing about poop and farting and dicks. @2:25 PM 18
Awl contributor Katie Baker-Bakes indulges in her love of Troop Beverly Hills and learns that you can, in fact, go home again. @2:55 PM 17
I am for sure late to this, but I finally caught Swedish director Roy Andersson's You, the Living this week and I have to tell you that I haven't been so transfixed by a movie for some time. I don't want to get into the plot or structure—if you must, you can read a bit more about it here—but I found it to be simultaneously bleak, uplifting, tragic, amusing, and above all haunting. There's a weightlessness to it that somehow manages to give it an indescribable heft. (It also apparently renders those who try to write about it sadly inarticulate.) It's out on DVD now, and I'm pretty sure you Netflixers can get it through that service. Strongly recommend. @12:20 PM 9
That Von Trier "Taxi Driver" Remake @9:15 AM
I'd be happy to be wrong, because it would be pretty crazy, but rumors that Martin Scorsese and Robert De Niro are planning a remake of Taxi Driver with Lars von Trier should be viewed with extreme skepticism if not outright disbelief. Here are some words and phrases that might help you reach the same conclusion: "it is being suggested," "is said to be," "remains to be seen," "he may now feel," "neither confirmed nor denied," "Lars von Trier," and "the prospect… has been discussed enthusiastically." 8
Also celebrating its 25th anniversary this week: John Hughes' The Breakfast Club. Is it me, or does it seem like Meat is Murder totally predates it? Or is that just one of the signs of declining mental faculties? Because, Jesus Christ, I'm getting old. @3:20 PM 3
Horror Chick: 'The Wolfman' Cannot Escape the Curse of Michael J. Fox (Or James Cameron) @11:21 AM
As a horror icon, the Wolfman gets no respect. In theory, he’s the embodiment of a great horror concept—the literal manifestation of the Beast within, who busts out every other fortnight to rip the shit out of Victorian aristocrats or horny teens in Oldsmobiles—and yet in American cinema he’s given the strict Michael J. Fox treatment. In order to get a werewolf taken in any way seriously, American directors have to send them to various catacombs and ossuaries in London or Paris, and even then, they’re just not scary. In fact, the scariest werewolf movie to come out in the last 15 years was about a heavily ax-wounded 16-year-old girl (if you have not seen Ginger Snaps and you have a vagina, consider this your mandate). The Wolfman just doesn’t do it for us—there are consequences to having that much back hair. READ MORE 29
Sounds like somebody really hated Up: "This year's Oscar nominations are a parade of propaganda, stereotypes and downright dishonesty. The dominant theme is as old as Hollywood: America's divine right to invade other societies, steal their history and occupy our memory. When will directors and writers behave like artists and not pimps for a world-view devoted to control and destruction?" @3:50 PM 17
"Dramatically speaking, Avatar is predictable and lacks imagination in plot development, as is expected of many others of its ilk conceived in Hollywood."
—That's the film critic for Diario Granma, the órgano oficial of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of Cuba. (The paper also claims there will be two sequels, if I'm reading it correctly? Also: Danza con lobos, I'm totally dying.) @1:45 PM 11
Among the wreckage of this morning's Oscars, we find Where the Wild Things Are: not only eaten up and spit out by the hype machine earlier this year but also a lesson in "No You Can't" for the dreamy sad youngs. Oh, Hollywood, where dreams go to die, etc., whatevs. @2:05 PM 11
The Oscar Announcements: It Is Here! With SHOCKERS @7:54 AM
Okay, so this is super-serious. What we expected to have happen for the ten Best Picture nominees is not at all what happened in real life. Instead of the inclusion of commercially popular films like The Hangover and even possibly Star Trek, we ended up with a shocking inclusion of A Serious Man—which deserves it, sorry haters!—and… The Blind Side. One thing: there's not a single comedy in there. (Unless you count the Coen brothers, which, too dark to even be comedy.)
That there are two performances nominated from Invictus—Morgan Freeman as best actor and Matt Damon as best supporting—is a horror show.
More shockingly? This is the first time in like, ever, that Almodovar has gotten snubbed. (OK, except Bad Education, which was meh.) (Anyway, apparently, this we knew from the shortlist, but seeing it really happen is upsetting!)
8:44 The Ten Best Picture Nominees: Avatar, The Blind Side, District 9, An Education, The Hurt Locker, Inglourious Basterds, Precious, A Serious Man, Up, Up in the Air. WHOA. READ MORE 67
Movie Promises to be 'Citizen Kane' of Movies About Being Cold @3:42 PM
People are making movies out of nothin' at all these days. This I admire! And yet am obviously concerned that the Oscar-winning Talking Butt Movie Era of the Future is nearly upon us. For instance, people seem extremely excited about "Frozen," which opens on Friday and in which three people are stuck on a ski lift. Yes. It is apparently the "Piranha" of chair lift movies! From the less commercial side of the world, there is also a new film called "Rubber," by Mr. Oizo/Quentin Dupieux. In it, "Robert, a tire that has been abandoned in the desert, suddenly comes to life, for no reason. He learns how to get around, explores the desert and discovers in himself a passion for destroying insects and various lost items." Later Robert learns to explode people's heads. I mean, I guess people were probably really nervous when someone was like, "I'm going to make a movie about this one shark that terrorizes a beach!" And also "This guy finds an ear then has sexy sex with this lady but lives happily ever after." And I guess "Rapey thug gets deprogrammed with classical music." But shouldn't I be a little nervous? 11
Flicked Off: 'When In Rome' @12:25 PM
Somehow, we ended up at this movie over the weekend, just us and some girls who were really lonely. And a few really angry boyfriends. You guys. Little Kristin Bell, barely there. Josh Duhamel, a lunk with a nice brow. A plot (magic love fountains!) that not even Annie Hathaway could paste together with her face. And, what's more, a ghostly drive-by from Judith Malina. Born in the 20s, the daughter of German rabbi who emigrated to America in 1929, the twice-widowed avant-garde theater superstar has not had a film or TV role since the 69th episode of The Sopranos, broadcast in April of 200—as Paulie's nun-aunt who reveals that she is actually his mother, causing him to flip out. (Then she dies.) READ MORE 8
Can someone please explain what Roger Ebert is talking about in his recent piece on Cache please? He wrote: "Now I call your attention to the shot I missed the first time through. You will find it on the DVD, centering around 20:39. You tell me what it means. It's the smoking gun, but did it shoot anybody?" Nobody seems to understand what he is talking about. 42
In Which The Worst Movies of 2009 Are Agreed Upon @1:40 PM
It's that time of year, when New York mag's Vulture publishes the results of their survey of 43 film critics, so as to decide the worst movies of the year. Because I do something crazy with my life—refuse to see most movies that are obviously going to be terrible—only two of my picks for worst movie of the year made their most-worst list. READ MORE 50
The New Atom Egoyan Movie: Bananas! @12:50 PM
I have been lured into multiple Atom Egoyan movies and I have always left them enraged, disappointed or confused. Sometimes very sleepy. And then every time a new one comes along, I am foaming. They all trailer-up really well! In this newest, Chloe, we have Julianne Moore at her Julianne Mooreiest, which, DONE AND DONE. And then Mamma Mia! girl suddenly becoming a sex kitten and ripping off her togs. And Liam Neeson getting it on with everyone. I am going to see the holy hell out of this movie… until the last 20 minutes, when I'm very sad again, I imagine. 22
Trolls and the Suicidal Come Together, Face the Dark Side of Publicity, at 'Avatar' Website @3:10 PM
"When I woke up this morning after watching Avatar for the first time yesterday, the world seemed… gray. It was like my whole life, everything I've done and worked for, lost its meaning. It just seems so… meaningless. I still don't really see any reason to keep… doing things at all. I live in a dying world." This from Ivar Hill, a 17-year-old Swedish game designer, on the Avatar forum page. Apparently, many Avatar fans have been feeling suicidal? But help is on the way. "And even if the CNN article does lure trolls here, it sure makes people who also are suffering from the pandora syndrome come here," wrote one forum poster today. Also: "The dark site of publicity… It will go down after a while." Yes, that's what she said. 23
Horror Chick, With Melissa Lafsky: Daybreakers Will Suck Out Your Brain Cells and Smear You With Blood (And Not in a Good Way) @12:00 PM
I like gore. It’s a good equalizer. At the end of the day, we all exist in the same corporeal bodies that can be sliced, hacked, carved, and eviscerated in any number of creative ways. (Oh, I’m sick, you say? Well you’ve been reading Tila Tequlia’s Twitter feed for the past week—so judge me not.) The only problem is that somewhere along the line between The Little Mermaid and Hostel, gore became the new black. Mainstream Hollywood now relies on it, mostly to compensate for garbage scripts and awful acting. “Sorry, no decent concepts or plot lines on the menu today, but we do have a grisly melange of shofar-shaped organs in a bloody reduction, sprinkled with bush-league dialogue.” Which is a shame, because good gore really shouldn’t be wasted on crap movies—it’s like having an Oscar-worthy performance in Cheaper By the Dozen 2. READ MORE 5
Old Man Who Was Once Little Boy Thrilled By "A-Team" Trailer @11:40 AM
You wanna talk about enjoying awesome things? Let's talk about this trailer for The A-Team. Rather than bitch about there being no new ideas or complaining that Bradley Cooper is in no way fit to fill the shoes of whoever it was played the pretty boy in the original show, I am giving in to my inner nine-year-old and declaring that I am going to watch the fuck out of this movie. [You should probably click the clip as soon as you can; the odds are fairly good that it will be pulled at some point.] 53
Jason Reitman's Press Tour In 2'27" @12:12 PM
This documentation of his endless press tour—which is a hideous, broken system of publicizing movies—actually makes me like Up in the Air director Jason Reitman again a bit! It's mostly meaningless, just like interviewing film directors. 12
"I think some directors make films because they want to hang out with movie stars and be part of Hollywood. They want to be a star themselves. I'm not interested in that at all."
—The adorable Neill Blomkamp, director of District 9, whose next film is not a sequel but does "take place 150 years from now." @12:58 PM 14
