Dear Answer Lady,

I'm a lady at or around the age of 30, as are many of my friends. I live way up at the top of Manhattan, in faraway Inwood, but many of my friends live down under Manhattan, in faraway Brooklyn. When I want to see one of my Brooklyn-dwelling friends, we generally get together somewhere in between, so neither of us has to make the 1-1.5-hour trek to the other's house (and back, which is usually worse, or more expensive, on account of it being at night).

But, oh, Answer Lady... lately my friends have started having babies. Like, in the last couple of months. Sort of all at once. It's weird. ANYWAY, I feel like you can't ask a mom to haul her just-gave-birth-body and her screaming 8-pound new-born to Korea Town or the West Village for get-togethers. If I'm not mistaken, the expected thing is that I go visit them. In Brooklyn.

Selfish?

Dear Selfish,

Your question is trickier than it seems on the surface, I suspect. I mean, as to whether you ought to suck it up, grab a good book, spend an hour and a half on the A train, and try to hit up as many babies as you can in one trip to Brooklyn: yes, duh. You won't have to do it every weekend or anything, and you won't have to do it that many times. They won't be little immobile babies and weary sleep-deprived new moms forever. It will just seem like forever to *them.*

You won't even really notice it, because your life will go on and you'll start spending more time with your friends who live near you and don't have babies, and they'll start spending more time making macaroni crafts and freaking out about how much mercury is in sardines and stuff like that. And also they'll spend more time with their friends who live near them and have babies around the same age as theirs, because that's how it works. And that's what your question is really about, I think: "Can I still be friends with my friends who have babies, even though our lives are necessarily super different now?"

And, I don't know! I hope so. I think probably not, though? Your friendships will definitely change. And that is okay, Selfish. Imagine how boring things would be if everyone just continued to be childless and carefree forever, and your hangs with your girlfriends were exactly the same now as they were in your early 20s except now everyone is older? People are growing up and doing grown-up things like buying apartments and getting married and having babies, there is just no stopping that stuff from happening, Selfish. And it can be a little sad and lonely and inconvenient sometimes for those of us who either aren't doing these things yet, or don't plan to do them ever.

The compensatory thing, though, is that we don't have to constantly worry about a little human being being totally emotionally, physically, and fiscally dependent on us for his survival. Bonus! Or, is it? I dunno. As a very wise cartoon crab once said, the seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go make an appointment for my elderly cat to have $1300 worth of dental surgery.

Troubles? We can help! Write to the answer lady's private tipline at advice at TheAwl.com if you please.

Previously: Should An Athiest Tell The Family That She Prays?