Posts Tagged: Men
38

Ask Polly: I Want to Get Laid But I'm Afraid of Oppressing Women

Dear Polly,

First of all, let me assure you, I feel like a huge asshole just for asking this, but I've been chewing on this question on and off for more than a year without any real resolution, so I thought I'd turn to you. Here's the deal: I'm wondering whether I'm abusing feminist ideology in order to justify a natural shyness around women and, if so, whether you could find me a new narrative that would help me feel less bad about acknowledging and acting on attractions.

I've always been seriously shy about any aspect of dating, sex, hooking up, whatever. It's not that I have trouble interacting [...]

68

Ask Polly: My Boyfriend Won't Stop Raging About My Sexual History

Dear Polly,

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

I've been dating a guy for about four months. We’re madly in love, despite being different in more ways than we are alike. Politics, education, socio-economic status, religion—you name it, we’re on almost opposite ends of the spectrum. However, we’re best friends through and through. A month or so into our relationship, he sat me down and shed a tear telling me how in love and how certain he was that he wanted to marry me. I am right there, too. Then shit started to get weird.

One night at a party, he got so angry about my friend and I laughing about this [...]

1

Of Mice and Men Must Die

"In research published online April 28 in Nature Methods, the scientists report that the presence of male experimenters produced a stress response in mice and rats equivalent to that caused by restraining the rodents for 15 minutes in a tube or forcing them to swim for three minutes. This stress-induced reaction made mice and rats of both sexes less sensitive to pain. Female experimenters produced no such effects." The senior author of the paper, Jeffrey Mogil, suggests that the "problem is easily solved" but curiously, he doesn't suggest the easiest solution of all, which is to simply ban men.

29

Ask Polly: Should I Have This Baby?

Dear Polly,

I feel like at this point I really need the perspective of someone not at all attached to my situation, who has a 'no bullshit' attitude that I'm desperately in need of right now. I'm having a really hard time making an incredibly serious decision. I will try to make this as short as possible.

I broke off a long term (6+ year) relationship about 18 months ago. Shortly thereafter I began dating a guy I knew through mutual friends and a intramural sporting group. We started out just as friends; texting, happy hour, group hangouts, etc. But the texts eventually took a flirty turn and I asked [...]

0

Sex Had

When you look back at a man's career—the heights, the depths, the challenges met and the blows absorbed—it is important to evaluate the thing as a whole and ask the larger questions that make up the metrics by which we recognize a successful life: Did he handle adversity with courage and tenacity, making every effort to overcome each struggle even when there was no guarantee of success? When success was achieved, did he handle it with grace, acknowledging that even the most intense preparation and single-minded focus would still come to naught without the contribution of others and, above all, the fickle finger of fate? Could he share the credit [...]

4

Our National Box Office Nightmare

The bulk of this year’s action and sci-fi films did clever violence better than in previous years but generally failed to develop minority characters. I mean the frequently derided popcorn fare such as Fast & Furious 6, as opposed to the hallowed and equally problematic Chilean Sea Bass fare of films such as Captain Phillips: The Wrath of Khat. A great deal of my fascination with the former subset stems from a desire to see smart, setting-specific violence that draws upon the elements of cinema as much as it does its surroundings. More often than not, this is something beyond the bullet and therefore historically unspecific to the white male [...]

38

Ask Polly: If I Dump My Needy Girlfriend, I'm Afraid I'll Ruin Her Life!

Dear Polly,

Sometimes when I'm feeling unaccomplished I like to seek out some new, insightful, unbiased, life's great mystery deciphering blog or news and culture magazine or twitter account and somehow this morning I wound up at The Awl reading your column. I love it. Your hyper-honest, humorous, practical approach was entertaining and, dare I say, educational.

Here's my shit:

I am a 27-year-old male, which is probably not your target demographic, but third wave feminism says embrace the contradictions of life so fuck it, right? I graduated from college sometime in the fuzzy prehistory of my adult life and prior to moving to a new city and finding a [...]

26

Ask Polly: My Boyfriend Thinks I'm Clingy and This Terrifies Me

Dear Polly,

I’m writing with a deceptively simple question. How can I be vulnerable? Some pertinent background: I’m an academic, working in a field that requires me to live in very remote places for extended periods of time. I find my work incredibly engaging and rewarding, and I know I’m lucky in this regard. Still, the life of an academic (particularly a traveling academic) is often isolating. I don’t have a place to call home. My family is deeply dysfunctional; although I love my parents and siblings, our relationships are fraught and I have never felt unconditionally loved by my parents. I was diagnosed as a child with OCD, and [...]

4

Seeking Solace in SCUM

At the moment, I don’t feel like praising a manifesto that calls for the extermination of a particular gender. This is my own fault. If I had just filed this essay when I was supposed to, I could have avoided this stupid fucking problem.

But watching my news feeds fill themselves up this last week, I felt like I was being force fed. I could have turned it off. But that felt like the ultimate luxury, to close my eyes and pretend like it wasn't happening. I haven’t watched his videos, or read his manifesto, but his presence has had a drastic impact. I’ve never followed the Didion cliché of [...]

18

The Male Topknot Takes New York

Back in early 2012, the Times Style section tried to convince us of the coming of the "man bun" to Brooklyn. It was too early and it was really a stretch: For famous cases, they had to rely on tennis players "Alexandr Dolgopolov and Xavier Malisse." (And Malisse was more prone to wear an actual ponytail.) The man bun, they helpfully defined, is "similar in form to the topknot worn by many women… but it is often worn slightly lower on the head."

The Daily News gave it a whirl last November, noting that Jake Gyllenhaal was top-knotting at SoulCycle; the Guardian pointed out that the [...]

37

How Should We Deal With The Worst Of The Internet?

"We’re bombarded with poorly written and braindead pieces of content that are engineered to go viral for the sake of virality, not to educate and improve the individual or society," wrote "Roosh V" on his blog the other day:

The internet has become a machine to fill gaps in your ego and self-esteem so that you receive the emotional benefits of validation…. The content you read now has moved from being primarily intellectual from the time of the Gutenberg press to primarily emotional. In the past, it was just too expensive to publish something with the intent to piss someone off or to gather lulz. Like with the first [...]

0

What's In Your Man Purse, Man?

"Handbags are no longer seen as a female-only accessory after a survey found men are choosing to carry around a "man bag", often containing contents worth £900"

0

My 11 Favorite Interviews With Creative Men (And One Woman!) In 2013

Anti-procrastination. If there is such a thing, it’s distracting yourself in a way that makes you want to get back to work. My anti-procrastination is reading interviews with creative people. I read a lot of these in 2013 and tried to take something away from each one. Here are my favorites.

Martin Scorsese: “I’m Not A Cool And Quiet Person” – The Talks “I find when I make a movie that I never realize what is really involved. When we were shooting Raging Bull me and my producer would say, “This is crazy! How did we get here?” But if we thought that at the beginning, we [...]

1

Why Men Are Uglier Than Women

"Men may have larger noses than women because they generally have more muscle, demanding larger noses to breathe in more oxygen, researchers say."

1

A Woman Walks Into a Men's Rights Conference

Jessica Roy flew to Detroit to attend the International Conference on Men's Issues, and while there was, naturally, a "palpable distaste for women," there was something more: But what I didn’t expect was how it would make me feel: sad and angry and helpless and determined, all at the same time. Moreover, I didn’t expect to talk to so many men in genuine need of a movement that supports them, a movement that looks completely different from the one that had fomented online and was stoked by many who spoke at this three-day conference.

And you'll never guess what they called her.

19

Men Unsettled by Woman's Poems

Patricia Lockwood's new book of poetry, Motherland Fatherland Homelandsexuals, came out last week. There have been a handful of reviews in mainstream outlets, like in the New York Times, where Dwight Garner calls it "a satirical work that nonetheless brings your heart up under your ears." His criticism, such as it is, notes, "When her poems miss, which they frequently do, their ideas seem larval and merely cute." It concludes, "little hairs on my back rose often while reading 'Motherland Fatherland Homelandsexuals,' as if it were the year of the big wind. That’s biological praise, the most fundamental kind, impossible to fake."

But then are there some [...]

58

Ask Polly: I'm 33 And Single. What Am I Doing Wrong?

Hi Polly.

I’m not really sure why I’m writing you. Actually I am. I need to feel ok with being single at 33 while still maintaining hope that I can find a solid, real, lasting relationship. Every time I read one of your columns on this subject, I feel empowered. I apologize for being unoriginal but this stuff is hard and I am at a loss!

I embrace being single. I appreciate being on my own and dictating my own schedule, I do a ton of yoga and look great (might sound conceited but it's true), I own my own successful business, I own my condo, I save money, [...]

15

Is This Pickup Artist Actually… Helping People?

“Once you go Asian, you can’t go Caucasian. Once you go yellow—hello!” JT Tran told his audience of hopeful men.

This was in a Manhattan conference room on Valentine's Day, and JT was running a weekend-long bootcamp with a simple mission: to help Asian men get some skin in the dating game, and maybe even get laid.

The class's methods and language were taken straight from the pickup artists' world. And yet, the course also resembled a rollicking post-grad symposium on race. Yellow fever. That infamous OKCupid survey that showed Asian women overwhelmingly preferred white men. The culture clash between an Asian upbringing and a Western world that [...]

3

All The Drunk Dudes: The Parodic Manliness Of The Alcoholic Writer

It’s difficult not to romanticize a link between writing and drinking. Wisdom hurts, so the more wisdom a writer has, the harder the writer will try to drown it with alcohol. Or maybe it isn’t wisdom that needs to be drowned; it’s the inner editor. Or maybe the great passion that leads to great writing also leads to great drinking. Or maybe… anyway, there must be some connection, so can we please put down our horrible manuscripts and pour ourselves some bourbon already?

There is no romanticizing in The Trip to Echo Spring, British journalist Olivia Laing’s new group biography of six alcoholic writers—Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tennessee Williams, [...]

3

When A Man Shows You His Dick Pics On The Subway

dude slides right up next to me on half-empty train, holds his phone out, & starts looking at his own d*ck-pic selfies.

— claire howorth (@clairehoworth) December 4, 2013

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask.

Claire! So what happened here? Matthew! A penis, that’s what. A thingie thing happened on the way to the office.

I was headed uptown from an appointment, on the 2/3, somewhere between Chambers and 14th Street. It was just before 11 a.m., so the morning rush was long past, and the train was mostly empty.

I was sitting [...]