Tonight, "Revenge" returns from its (too-long) hiatus with a crop of new episodes, sure to be full of awesomeness. But will they also be full of awkwardness? You see, Emily VanCamp and Josh Bowman, who play engaged couple Emily Thorne/Amanda Clarke (she has two names, it's complicated) and Daniel Grayson, are together off-screen as well. If a recent photo of the couple is anything to go by, their real-life relationship may have been concluded by the time tonight's new episode starts.

You don't have to be a body language expert to think that Bowman, his arms folded protectively over his chest, his eyes dead, horrified or distracted, [...]

I can't believe I care but also I don't understand why we can't get Heather Locklear on the new Melrose Place. Why? Is she still crying over the death of LAX, my favorite bad TV show about an airport? Is she super-busy with her probation and her DMV "safe driving" class? I just am not really going to watch it without her, and I speak for all gays over the age of 32 when I say this, SO PREPARE TO FEEL THE PAIN, "THE CW."