A poll of 15,000 women asked to rank the sexual performance of men by nationality ranked Germans as the worst in bed due to subpar hygiene. English indolence, Swedish celerity, Turkish perspiration, and American aggression resulted in those countries also scoring poorly. Make of it what you will, but the near-universal finding that the remarkable prowess of extremely hirsute half-Italian, half-Jewish alcoholics causes women to "swing from the rafters while hearing a choir of angels singing 'Nobody Does It Better'" has left me convinced that there is an unusual degree of accuracy to this one.