Posts Tagged: Matthew J.X. Malady
1

How To Ditch Your Job And Flee The Country

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, producer and editor Mike Byhoff tells us more about what it’s like to leave your job, get on a plane headed for a country you know nothing about, and then spend a month abroad without an agenda or being able to speak the language.

Leaving for central america for a month in 12 hours and don't speak spanish and have basically no itinerary what the fuck am I doing.

— Mike Byhoff (@mbyhoff) February 28, 2014

Mike! We spoke at the end of February after [...]

11

What To Do When You Pass Out In Hot Yoga

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, writer and graduate student Jane Hu tells us more about an especially destructive session of hot yoga she recently experienced.

How Fainting At Hot Yoga Made Me Reevaluate My Life

— Jane Hu (@hujane) February 14, 2014

Jane! So what happened here? A little over two years ago, I bought a yoga mat. Sort of as a New Year’s resolution thing: “This year I’m really going to discover yoga!” My friend had taken me along to some of her hot yoga classes, and unlike ordinary [...]

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How To Work From Home With A Baby

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, Sad Desk Salad author Jessica Grose tells us about the travails of freelancing.

The heart break of a home office. pic.twitter.com/jDjKvgM15l

— Jessica Grose (@JessGrose) November 22, 2013

Jessica! I’ve been meaning to ask you about this one for a while. So what happened here?

This was the first time my daughter, who at that point was about 11 months old, realized that when I closed the door to my room I still existed. Or at least that was the first time [...]

6

Second-Graders Explain The 24 Stages Of True Love

The best thing you will read all day: two of my sister's 2nd graders on "how to fall in love." My favorite: step #8. pic.twitter.com/AfmjcNcNpm

— Ted Scheinman (@Ted_Scheinman) December 21, 2013

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask.

Ted! So what happened here?

Short answer: the best thing ever.

Longer answer: My sister teaches languages at a school in the northeast and did not actually witness the composition of this masterpiece, but a colleague confides that the two girls (both second-graders) had finished their work about 12 minutes early and decided to write a “book” using [...]

17

No We Are Not Joking About The Great Mind-Wasting Horror That Is The DMV

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask.

Went to the Herald Square DMV this morning at 9:45 to get a NY state ID. Walked out w/ all the paperwork done at 2:40pm. It took FIVE HOURS.

— Dana Stevens (@thehighsign) November 20, 2013

Dana! So what happened here? Some backstory is probably in order before I get into the details of what went down. Let’s start with the fact that I’ve survived the past 15 years as a New York State resident without any form of state ID. During that period, I’ve spent more time flashing my [...]

2

NY1's Roger Clark Is New York City's Last Hero

People are always saying things on the Internet all the time. But they are such teases. We like details. So we have to ask.

Thanks for the interview @jakedobkin @gothamist – sorry about my sweating a lot – @jenchung @jenist @johndelsignore @nellcasey

— Roger Clark (@RogerClark41) October 22, 2013

So I just got back to NY1 from @Gothamist headquarters and turns out my polo shirt was inside out the whole time. Yikes!

— Roger Clark (@RogerClark41) October 22, 2013

Roger! So what happened here?

I was assigned to do a story on the Banksy phenomenon. I had [...]

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When To Smoke In New York City

People are always saying things on the Internet all the time. But they are such teases. We like details. So we have to ask.

Only in NY: Broke down & asked to bum my yearly cig from some suits outside a hotel, turns out they're e-cig marketers at a convention.

— Rachel Syme (@rachsyme) October 3, 2013

Rachel! So what happened here? First of all, I blame this balmy Indian summer that we have been having in New York—I mean, 75 degrees after dark in October? END TIMES—but it was just such a glorious, clear night out and I was having one of those solo walks through [...]

1

How To Write The Perfect Listicle

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, Daily Dot assigning editor Cooper Fleishman tells us more about his childhood secret agent persona and affinity for creating listicles even at a young age.

Here are my secret-agent credentials, along with my very first listicle. pic.twitter.com/dd38jge0eB

— Cooper Fleishman (@_Cooper) March 23, 2014

Cooper! So what happened here?

Glad you asked. You’re looking at the credentials of Agent 3.3 Cubed, a.k.a. Tykk (pronounced “Tyke”), who by day was a rat-tailed third-grader named Cooper Fleishman, age 8.

My parents are currently packing up [...]

1

The Right Way To Rank Boys

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, writer and @TIMENewsfeed editor Jessica Roy tells us more about an approach to assessing boys that she used in the eighth grade.

fyi boys according to my 8th grade diary "plays hard 2 get" is a PRO pic.twitter.com/voOEJiOs13

— Jessica Roy (@JessicaKRoy) February 4, 2014

Jessica! So what happened here? I’ve kept a diary since I was eight years old; I’ve also been embarrassing myself in writing since I was eight years old. This photo is of a page from the diary I kept [...]

2

How To Get Owned By Your Grandma

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, New York magazine online producer Jazmine Hughes tells us more about an email she received after not calling her grandmother to say happy new year.

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The Year In Cats Getting Stuck In Ridiculous Places

Just a few days after we turned our calendars from 2012 to 2013, NBC Bay Area posted a story on its website under the bizarre headline “Fat Cat Rescue Highlights Cathood Obesity.”

The cat referred to in that headline, Midnight, weighed 14.4 pounds at the time of its rescue. The corresponding article noted that the portly pet’s “‘ample hips’ needed massaging and squeezing before she could be freed” from the space between fence posts.

Remarkably, as the year progressed things got even more ridiculous with respect to cats being trapped in stupid places. And just in case some of you may have missed one or two of [...]

4

Aren't We All Qualified To Edit The 'Times' Magazine, Really, When You Think About It?

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask.

I was on the Rihanna plane and once yelled at Jon Caramanica at a house party. Please consider letting me edit the New York Times magazine.

— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) November 12, 2013

Julieanne! So what happened here?

I’m glad you asked. This tweet was fascinating, and I’m glad it didn’t go unheralded as “not interesting to anyone, at all.” Let me break it down for you, in three equally entertaining parts.

I was on the Rihanna plane Rihanna is a Caribbean musician who likes to wear shirts [...]

3

What It's Like To Interview Lorde

People are always saying things on the Internet all the time. But they are such teases. We like details. So we have to ask.

Interviewing @lordemusic over dinner, I suggested sharing truffle pizza. Her reply: "Then you'll write about it like Lynn Hirschberg!"

— Jonah Weiner (@jonahweiner) October 11, 2013

Jonah! So what happened here?

Rolling Stone asked me to write a short profile of Lorde, a young musician from New Zealand whose single “Royals” has been the number-one song in America for three weeks now. This was just the other week. She was in Los Angeles to tape a performance of “Royals” for Ellen, [...]

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Why Do You Animals Flush The Toilet With Your Feet?

People are always saying things on the Internet all the time. But they are such teases. We like details. So we have to ask.

This cannot be true. RT @1bobcohn: Poll: Two-thirds of Americans flush public toilets with their feet. http://t.co/Fa16tjjoxk

— Kevin Roose (@kevinroose) September 24, 2013

Kevin Roose! So what happened here? Well, someone posted this survey that was claiming that two-thirds of Americans flush public toilets with their feet. And that just did not seem correct to me. I had never foot-flushed in a public bathroom, nor had I heard of anyone else foot-flushing. So reading that story was like being [...]

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What To Do When Freaks Go Haywire On You On Twitter

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, IAVA digital engagement director and Tech LadyMafia co-founder Aminatou Sow tells us more about some jerks who sought out something in her archived tweets and then used it to annoy and bother her on Twitter.

No! Conservative twitter found a Wendy Davis picture I shared in June and is ruining my life rn. This is a snaxx and beyonce feed. Go away.

— Aminatou Sow (@aminatou) February 12, 2014

Amina! So what happened here? So June 26, 2013: momentous day in lady history! [...]

0

How To Make Cyber Sex With Lonely Twitter Sexbots

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time—so we have to ask. In this edition, Venus Patrol founder and IGF chairman Brandon Boyer tells us more about a recent Saturday night sexbot experiment for the ages.

last night i “fed” the lonely sexbots to each other just to see if it would ever reach a logical conclusion: pic.twitter.com/afY8pKGJ0H

— Brandon Boyer (@brandonnn) January 22, 2014

Brandon! So what happened here? So, I have a pretty unfortunate pattern of blithely agreeing to everything without really thinking through the ramifications, and this extends into me accepting basically any iMessage [...]

15

Things You Can Do At JFK For 8 Hours

Shit's getting real at JFK AIRPORT. I just took off my shoes and also my hair's all fucked up and I just smoked in the goddamn bathroom.

— lennypane (@lennypane) January 6, 2014

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, documentary filmmaker Penny Lane tells us more about a bad airport experience she recently mentioned on Twitter.

Penny! So what happened here?

I am going to Salt Lake City to show Our Nixon at the Utah Film Center. Super short trip. As usual, I get to the airport insanely early, because [...]

3

When A Man Shows You His Dick Pics On The Subway

dude slides right up next to me on half-empty train, holds his phone out, & starts looking at his own d*ck-pic selfies.

— claire howorth (@clairehoworth) December 4, 2013

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask.

Claire! So what happened here? Matthew! A penis, that’s what. A thingie thing happened on the way to the office.

I was headed uptown from an appointment, on the 2/3, somewhere between Chambers and 14th Street. It was just before 11 a.m., so the morning rush was long past, and the train was mostly empty.

I was sitting [...]

10

Give It Up For The Little Guy (Or Don't???)

People are always saying things on the Internet. But they are such teases! So we have to ask.

Saw a guy on the subway offering to give up his seat to a, uh, little person (?). (He declined.) What's the etiquette there?

— Dan Amira (@DanAmira) October 23, 2013

Dan! So what happened here? I was standing on the N train, and I just happened to look over as a middle-aged man of average height was offering his seat to a middle-aged little person. (I am going to use “little person” throughout this piece even though I’m not 100 percent sure that’s the most appropriate [...]

4

How To Fact-Check Alice Munro

People are always saying things on the Internet all the time. But they are such teases. We like details. So we have to ask.

No disrespect to the Nobel committee but one time I had to call Alice Munro about a fact checking issue and she answered on the first try.

— Lila Byock (@LByock) October 10, 2013

Lila! So what happened here? From 2006 to 2010, I was a fact checker at The New Yorker. Famously, no section of the magazine is spared the scrutiny of the checker. Poetry, Shouts & Murmurs, cartoons: We do it all. Nobody likes to check the fiction, though. It can [...]