The Awl

Sanford Stays

Alex Balk — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 15:10:03 +0000

While he still faces the possibility of being censured, divorce-bound South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford will be able to hike into history without being impeached.

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Breaking, Unsurprising: Sanfords To Divorce

Alex Balk — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 09:43:59 +0000

Jenny Sanford has filed for divorce from her husband, South Carolina governor Mark Sanford. You know why.

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Sanford Survives

Alex Balk — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 09:00:07 +0000

"Public opinion is pretty loud on Sanford, but that is not enough to overturn an election, and that is what you're talking about with impeachment, overturning an election," says a former South Carolina GOP chair, commenting on the consensus that Gov. Mark Sanford will not be impeached. File under "lessons learned," I guess.

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God Wanted Mark Sanford To Be Governor, Bang Argentinian Broads

Alex Balk — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 14:05:12 +0000

"Embattled South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford acknowledged Tuesday that he has been shaken by the failure of a single fellow Republican to back him in his fight to save his job, but vowed to fight on for conservative causes and for 'what God wanted me to do with my life.'" Sanford went on to compare himself to formerly embattled Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, which might not be the best comparison to make when you're trying to hold on to your job.

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Sanford Book Canceled In Wake Of Whole Gal-Nailing Thing

Alex Balk — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:11:56 +0000

By "mutual decision," publisher Sentinel (an imprint of Penguin) and South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford have decided not to publish Sanford's book on fiscal conservatism. The decision was made after editors at Sentinel read the governor's e-mails to his Argentinian ladyfriend.

"That shit was too fucking florid for Harlequin, even," said a Sentinel employee speaking under the condition of anonymity. "You really think people want to hear about how 'the fire in my loins convinced me not to plunge my state's quivering rod into the dusky pool of the stimulus'? Fuck no." Governor Sanford had no comment, but is currently working on what his agent calls "a rambling, unfocused monologue that will make readers intermittently cringe and cover their eyes." Critics expect that book to be better than Eat, Pray, Love, because, really, what wouldn't be?

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By August Mark Sanford Will Admit That He Had Sex With You

Alex Balk — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:01:08 +0000

Oh, right: In the rest of that interview with the AP, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford mentioned that he had "dalliances" with six other women, but "didn't cross the sex line," which in politics means handjobs and the occasional non-swallowing oral.

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Sanford Suddenly Remembers Some Domestic Assignations

Alex Balk — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 12:17:25 +0000

Pretend to be surprised: "South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford is admitting more encounters with his Argentine mistress than he previously has disclosed."

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Mark Sanford Compares Himself To Mercenary Old Jew

Alex Balk — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 14:58:39 +0000

Remember Mark Sanford? Married Republican Governor of South Carolina who disappeared for a couple of days to spend some time with his girlfriend down in Argentina? Had the craziest press conference in history when he came back? Doesn't ring any bells? Understandable, it was a while ago. Anyway, he held a televised meeting with his cabinet today in which he deflected questions about his possible resignation by comparing himself with a peeping Tom who knocked up his married girlfriend and then had her husband killed. I should check out this "Bible" that everyone's always talking about; it sounds amazing.

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"How do you get up in the morning and retain your optimism about the world?"

Choire Sicha — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 08:54:43 +0000

In an ideal world, Mark Sanford actually would be an advice columnist and answer questions such as this!

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At Least Two 'WaPo' Reporters Don't Actually Understand English

Choire Sicha — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 15:20:44 +0000

Writers at the Washington Post, including Hank Stuever, have taken South Carolina governor Mark Sanford to task for his use of language in yesterday's HIGHLY ENTERTAINING and totally wacko press conference. They wrote: "Note all the passive constructions, the avoidance of first person." Actually, this is wildly inaccurate on both counts, writes Mark Liberman: "I count 180 tensed verbs, of which I can find only four instances of grammatical passive voice." Oh it goes on! I would get all up in this but I didn't go to no college and I'm not very good on parts of speech.

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