Well, thanks to a heads-up from CNN food writer Kat Kinsman, I was spared the annual confusion that lasts for a couple of city blocks as you walk past person after person who has apparently been very sloppy with their application of mascara, or has been hit in the forehead by a thrown lump of coal. Today is Ash Wednesday, when Catholics wear ash on their foreheads in commemoration of the forty days of fasting that preceded his crucification. It's an act of repentance.

But, man, reading through today's news, or looking elsewhere on the streets, people may be repenting, but they don't seem to be in [...]

Earlier today Los Angeles Dodgers slugger Manny Ramirez was suspended 50 games by Major League Baseball after failing a drug test. There's no word yet on what they found in his system. Was it steroids? Recreational drugs? Boner juice? No one knows. But even if sports aren't your thing, you may enjoy this tragic tale of a man who was this close to breaking the story wide open until fate intervened.

David Roth: David Raposa, I think you pissed off Tony La Russa. He gets asked these sad I-am-really-on-deadline-right-now questions every day as part of his job. Shouldn't he know how to answer these questions a little less… ulcerously?

David Raposa: Well, David Roth, I have to say that is some weaksauce ranting. He didn't even mention Kurt Bevacqua. Granted, beat reporters are stuck asking that sort of "well duh" nonsense in order to file copy. But he's just trying to rally the troops. Even the ones he can’t remember by name. "You think those Mendoza Lining clowns I field every day to hit behind the pitcher can't [...]

If there's one 40-foot-tall glaring victim in the whole Manny Ramirez Experience it is the word "Fun." When it comes to Fun, Manny was always non-stop, dumpster-diving, swimming-pool-filled-with. Should anyone be surprised if Manny doped (or just accidentally was taking lady pills prescribed to him by Dr. Nick from "The Simpsons")? Hey, man, be surprised if it helps your process. But every human being who ever hit a homer ever probably took something at some point to do something. And professional wrestling is a little fake. And Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier really hated each other. And Osama Bin Laden reports to work every day at the [...]