Oh hey everyone. What have you been up to? We were away for a little while but Big Google says we're allowed to be on the Internet now and did we miss anything? Did anyone get fired from her job for complaining about something at a conference or anything?
Yeah, I can't really care about anything else right now.
Pepsi has just announced their new limited-edition flavor: Azuki! Which is red bean. Which, unless you're all, "I CAN HAZ CHEESEBURGER?" at every non-white people restaurant, you'll know is considered a sweet in Asia. We add a gang of sugar to the legume (LIKE ANIMALS) and eat it in desserts like popsicles, donuts, and cheesecake (LIKE ANIMALS). [Random sidebar: Koreans also treat tomatoes like a fruit and toss 'em in ice cream sundaes like cherries. I fully consider this to be some hardcore, mayonnaise-on-your-pizza, confounding freakshow stuff. ANIMALS.]
In yesterday's recall primary election in Wisconsin, the fake Democratic candidates who are actually Republicans lost by huge margins.
But wait, it's not over yet! It's actually not even started. The first full recall election isn't even until next week! Yes, we get to do this again next week even! And it'll be fun: District 12 GOP Primary: Kim Simac vs. Robert Lussow to face Democrat Senator Jim Holperin
Trivia: Kim Simac, the "family values" candidate and founder of Northwoods Patriots ("Standing up for FAITH, Family and Country") explains the fact that she swapped spouses with her ex as "one of those quirky American stories."
You guys are reading Jeffrey Goldberg's reports from his recent visit with Fidel Castro, right? I mean: "Goldberg," Fidel said, "ask him questions about dolphins."
"What kind of questions?" I asked.
"You're a journalist, ask good questions," he said, and then interrupted himself. "He doesn't know much about dolphins anyway," he said, pointing to Garcia. He's actually a nuclear physicist."
"You are?" I asked.
"Yes," Garcia said, somewhat apologetically.
"Why are you running the aquarium?" I asked.
"We put him here to keep him from building nuclear bombs!" Fidel said, and then cracked-up laughing.
Ginger Lee, an "adult performer," gave a press conference with her attorney, Gloria Allred, who seems to be in multiple places at the same time somehow? Perhaps she is cloned? The topic: randy messages received from as-of-yesterday-but-not-as-of-today still-Congressman Anthony Weiner. And the magic that is New York took place. At the Friars Club on Wednesday, a columnist for The New York Post, Andrea Peyser, who is known for her barbed commentary, sat in the front row, shouting out questions that Ms. Allred alternately dodged and addressed.
“Why are we here?” Ms. Peyser called out. “Are we promoting a performance? Does she work in New York?” (Ms. Allred did [...]
Investigators are still trying to figure out exactly what happened to trigger the natural-gas explosion last month that led to a massive — and still-going — oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. So far the finger is being pointed at a series of events that included a decision to prematurely remove some heavy drilling lubricants from a pipeline, a directive that came down from the well owner, BP. (The "we love the environment" full-page ads that will result from this debacle should be a doozy, huh.) In the meantime, do you or your pet have extra hair? Do you feel like it should go to a cause [...]