"I'd like people to realize that even when you are incredibly bored on an airplane, you can put that time into making something that can make a lot of people happy for just a few moments. Lots of 'wasted time' can be an opportunity to pull from the mundane world around you and extract something of interest or value."
—The creator of SKY MALL KITTY speaks the truth in a very exclusive interview! @1:25 PM 4
Listicle Without Commentary: The Top 25 Things Strangers Have Said or Typed Upon Connecting with Me on ChatRoulette This Weekend @11:50 AM
"Many years ago an acquaintance of mine applied for a position at the Museum of the City of New York, over which Louis Auchincloss presided. The search committee met in the writer’s apartment on Park Avenue. When the candidate was asked to describe what he would do to improve the institution, he replied that too many people were not represented in its galleries, and noted in particular the inadequacy of the museum’s portrayal of African Americans. 'What would you have us do,' Auchincloss sneered, 'create a period room with a hovel in it?'"
—Leon Wieseltier remembers Louis Auchincloss. @11:11 AM 3
5-Year-Old Fashion Blogger Freaks Out Crazies, Stupids @2:05 PM
The Internet really is getting stupider. The gals over at Racked had to explain to their outraged commenters that their 5-year-old fashion week correspondent was kind of a parody of the very real weird teen blogger fashion world mania. Their commenters actually went a little nuts: "Can we please have bloggers and editorials by grown ups, real editors, with actual jobs, and, gasp, life experience. Maybe women and men? Over 20 years old? PLEASE?" AND! "I guess your blog cant pay enough to hire an adult writer to blog abt fashion week. I wont be visiting your site again." At least the 5-year-old was using apostrophes? 5
The Brightest Minds of Our Time Leave Messages for the Ages @9:20 AM
What happens if, after the machines take over, or we just blow ourselves up, the only record left of our society is the servers that hold the planet's Twitter output? What then? 7
The Awl's Totally Gay Dance Weekend Party Radio: Episode 1 @4:49 PM
You would have no reason to know that all winter I've been attending night school, in pursuit of my Master's in Gay Mixmastery. (This is over at the Finishing School for Homosexualist Gentlemen, which, naturally, closed down for much of the week after the death of Alexander McQueen. It is in Chelsea?) In furtherance of my degree, I had to turn in a final class project, which, because it is now the weekend, we will share with the Internet for no good reason. READ MORE 29
"Dramatically speaking, Avatar is predictable and lacks imagination in plot development, as is expected of many others of its ilk conceived in Hollywood."
—That's the film critic for Diario Granma, the órgano oficial of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of Cuba. (The paper also claims there will be two sequels, if I'm reading it correctly? Also: Danza con lobos, I'm totally dying.) @1:45 PM 11
A New Design? A New D. R. Adams Theme Song @1:45 PM
Our hiatus-taking videogames columnist D. R. Adams just sent over a brand new theme song for us, to update our previous. This is pretty much the only thing getting us through this sleep-deprived day. READ MORE 28
Among the wreckage of this morning's Oscars, we find Where the Wild Things Are: not only eaten up and spit out by the hype machine earlier this year but also a lesson in "No You Can't" for the dreamy sad youngs. Oh, Hollywood, where dreams go to die, etc., whatevs. @2:05 PM 11
Secretary Shafts Jerk Boss @3:50 PM
This is very dreamy. Though she participated in her lawyer-boss's (alleged!) hiding of fees, once he became a total schmuck, this secretary narced him out hard. The motivation?
[The secretary] said she started getting the cold shoulder in 1999 after she refused to take time from a busy schedule to do some work for Gross’ wife, Heidi Gross, a lawyer in the firm. There were other incidents, one of which ended with Gross calling her a “fucking idiot,” McCarthy told the disciplinarians.
In 2002, not long after Gross scrawled “no” across her vacation request and threw it into a wastebasket, McCarthy told members of the firm about the 1998 check.
'Perry V. Schwarzenegger': So Much Hilarity @3:40 PM
To make a far-too-early prediction? Charles Cooper, who is defending Prop 8 in court today, is going to get his ass handed to him. His craaaazy interpretation of Loving v. Virginia cannot possibly sit well. We particularly enjoyed (rough transcript):
"Judge Walker: If the President’s parents had been in Virginia when he was born, their marriage would have been unlawful. Doesn’t that show a tremendous change in the institution of marriage?"
"Cooper: Racial restrictions were never a feature of the institution of marriage. [Laughter in our courtroom.]" 9
"Committed is an unfurling of Gilbert’s profound anxiety about reëntering a legally binding arrangement that she does not really believe in. All this ambivalence, expressed in her high-drama prose, can be a lot to handle. (One generally doesn’t indulge another person’s emotional processing at this length unless the jabbering is likely to conclude with sex.)"
—Ariel Levy on Elizabeth Gilbert on marriage, which is pretty much all you should need to hear to go a-clicking through. @1:30 PM 17
"This is the most cowardly, selfish, arrogant news conduct out there today. What the fuck is 'video and photos posted on the Internet'? How does that help readers? It's as if I can go to www.internet.com, and there, on the first screen, will be the video and photos of the snowball fight and the maybe-gun-wielding cop. 'Posted on the Internet' would be acceptable if this were 1997."
—Washington City Paper editor Erik Wemple, reaming the poor dim Washington Post over its lousy, terrible, no-good coverage—and meta-coverage—of the now-infamous D.C. snowball fight with bonus cop-gun-pulling. 4
Money Actually Can Buy You The Sense To Enjoy Your Good Investment Taste @3:40 PM
Goldman Sachs commissioned a Julie Mehretu and a Franz Ackermann for the new HQ, and apparently everyone is baffled by them. "It's loud and cartoonish, and as they walk in, employees can't help scowling at it," wrote Clusterstock of the Ackermann. And: "Nobody thinks this one is any good either," writes Clusterstock of the Mehretu, claiming they "wasted" money on it. You guys! Well, one, I dispute this idea that "everyone" at GS hates these, because finance people love blue chip status and these deliver. Obviously. Hardcore. Two, you might want to check on some recent sales of Mehretu and their, oh, massive insane valuation upticks before you claim that money "wasted"! Let's see: solid purchases that will age well and are a much safer place to put your money than the market? Oh yes, hello. 32
World's Most Wonderfully Dumb iPhone App Arrives @10:49 AM
The world's dumbest iPhone application has arrived! I am maybe in love with it a little. It is called Le Petit Dummy [warning: iTunes link!] and it is dumb as hell, what with the making of things talk and combining sound files and pictures and the fake mouths and stuff. It makes me want to smoke pot all day. 7
Also Hey What Is Up With? @3:10 PM
Hey what is up with that Topher Grace? Now there is a new weekly column that will let you know. 11
Ni Hao Now, Proud White Christian Empire State Building? @9:40 AM
Literally twos and threes of people turned out last night to protest the coloring of the Empire State Building last night because it is China-colored, until sometime Friday morning! This is in honor of the 60th "anniversary" of China, which is a very young country apparently. How offensive! Here is a stunning report from Fox News' Shep Smith, who, oddly, refers to New York City as "Tiny Town," of which presumably he is the mayor and first lady both. Anyway, China is a really bad place, and we should pretend it doesn't exist and also never buy anything from there, including U.S. dollars, which they also own. 13
Housekeeping: Manic Monday @11:28 AM
Things are going to be a little hectic/slow today, because Alex Balk is out sick—it's our first sick day at The Awl, ever, by the way! In the New Economy, when you are sick, there are no temps. Also no doctors. And I was up till 4 a.m. freelancing to pay for my Awl habit, so I may go face-down on the desk by mid-afternoon. Still, we will have fun together. All this to say: if you see something (funny on the Internet), say something! 15
Recent History: Charles Saatchi, Rudy Giuliani and the Brooklyn Museum @1:06 PM
Extremely rich ad man and art collector Charles Saatchi is a wonderful blabbermouth, and he is expert at using his blabber for his own ends. So take this story that he told to the Telegraph about how he insulted the masthead of the Times and they got revenge on him and how it is a wonderful piece of self-image-making. READ MORE 8
"Ruin Porn": The Media and Detroit @4:37 PM
This is actually a quite great account of the media and how it deals with Detroit. "The city's second-most-overused blight shot is of the mile-long ruins of the Packard Auto Plant in East Detroit. 'This is the visiting reporters' favorite thing to see,' [photographer] James [Griffioen] said. 'The people all come here to shoot the story of the auto industry and they love this shot because they can be like, 'See that? That's where they made the cars,' and then forget to add the footnote that the plant's been closed since 1956.'" Oh man. 6
Gay and Straight Men Who Love Bags @3:10 PM
Oh, so, some of the guys in this slideshow of men with man-purses are straight and some are gay! But I'll leave it to you to interpret all the incredibly subtle factors that help you judge which are which. 24
Gawker, Theft, the 'Washington Post', Quotation and Some History @1:30 PM
It's been entertaining watching people go on about Ian Shapira v. Hamilton Nolan today. Shapira wrote a piece in the Washington Post about how, largely, he felt like Hamilton at Gawker had "ripped off" a previous Washington Post piece of his—by means of that great enemy of press freedom and profitability, something called "extensive quoting." Hamilton wrote a 439-word item, 227 words of which are blockquote from a Shapira story (226, say others), and 5 words of which are the hyperlink to the source of all the material. Gawker honcho Gabriel Snyder wrote a rather fabulous response today, if you can get the site to load. One of Snyder's two best points: the Washington Post is intentionally boring readers to death. This is true. READ MORE 52
Here You Can Buy McSweeney's And All Those Other Various Random Literary Journals That Are Just Like It @2:41 PM
From our Brooklyn Bookstore Correspondent Emily Gould comes this photo. It was taken in Word, the lovely independent bookstore in Greenpoint. Go on over, and support your local bookstore! Oh and while you're there, please steal this hilarious sign. Emily points out: "It's like if instead of 'FICTION' at Barnes and Noble there was a sign that said 'Twilight and other novels.'" 29
Oh, A Blind Item! @3:30 PM
From our always-amazing inbox, a far-too insidery joke about another website, its laid-off American tech department and its current technical troubles: "Which web mogul, hungary for more pageviews, has made a goulash of his site's functionality, and something about paprika?"
35
Will Leitch Hates You, Reader @3:14 PM
Uh oh! Another author goes postal in the quick-publish Internet age! It is famed sports-blog shouter Will Leitch, who shares his outraged private letter with the world to bring maximum shame: "My first book was reviewed by rangersfan4324. So who are you, tomtom24? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? Your Twitter page says you are from 'Tehran.' SO WHY AREN'T YOU SPEAKING IN FARSI?" Oh Will Leitch, are you a victim of the performance-enhancing drugs as well as the Age of Venti Venting? 11
The NYC Real Estate Market Is Just Fine, Says LYING FREAK @4:10 PM
This from a 22-year-old senior vice president at Prudential Douglas Elliman, in New York City, regarding the residential sales market: "We are now seeing a definite turnaround as well as some major market activity and are eagerly anticipating a great 2009." Haha, LIAR! Yes: him again. 7
OMG, But What If Web-Stalkers Hurt Celebrities? @11:11 AM
New York City-based writer (and Awl contributor) Emily Gould makes an novel point regarding OMGICU, the new forward-thinking website that invented the idea of community-reporting on the locations of celebrities in Manhattan: "I'm a little worried about this, you guys. Couldn't these sightings potentially help stalkers hunt down celebrities? I'm surprised no one has gotten killed yet. By stalkers." 14
