That chill in the air tonight is not just a real alive Halloween monster crawling up your leg. It's actually Josh Romney, helping the Halloween monster, because there is a chance you are a liberal who "offended Dad" by thinking maybe Barack Obama sort of won the second debate? Whatever happens tonight, during this third and final human-hybrid death wrangle, consider this live blog a "safe house" that Chris Matthews can never enter, because of the voodoo amulets we've hung from all the windows and doors. And yet we enjoy the online video from MSNBC, because it works so well … and Brian Williams is being super [...]

Tonight! Two men enter, one man leaves as Vice President. (That would be Joe Biden. Who is the Vice President.) But now a new man wants to be a Vice President next time!

Here they settle that grudge when, at 9 p.m., Old Amtrak Joe and Paul Iron Ryan take the stage at Centre College in delightful Danville, Kentucky, for the Debate of the Vice Presidents Who Would Be Vice President. Did you know that Centre College has the highest graduation rate of any college in Kentucky, at 81%!?

Please join us in your living rooms and cafes and offices at 9 p.m. when the festivities begin. But [...]

The American Music Awards are simultaneously the silliest and the most honest music-related gala. Nominees are based on things like Soundscan numbers and online streams instead of trifles like artistic intent or legend status, and the winners are dubbed "favorites," not "bests." Yet there's an air of seriousness about it that you'd never see at, say, MTV's Video Music Awards, one that will be ever more present this year as the Black Eyed Peas bring us their latest wedding-floor-filler "The Time (Dirty Bit)" live for the first time on TV and Train play That Train Song You Hear Everywhere one more time. Which is to say, come [...]

Alex Balk (9:20): Welcome to the second section of our liveblogging extravaganza. It is brought to you by Awl publisher David Cho's belief that by offering an empty commenting area we will somehow maximize pageviews. For our earlier coverage of tonight's astounding ceremony, please go here. Now that this unpleasantness is out of the way, let us continue.

You can join us here! And by join us, we mean actually join in this time! (There's a button! It says "Ask to Join.") Here we are, it's America's COUNTDOWN TO DEMOCRACY.

Do you love to watch weird men in suits argue on the teevee, and while this is going on do you also like to look at computers and smartphones and "tweets," to further the goals of American democracy? Then join your co-hosts "Choire and Layne" tonight at 9 p.m. Eastern and 6 p.m. Pacific for a very special revolutionary form of liveblogging that will be unlike anything you've ever seen or done, ever. Also we are on this Twitter!

In a surprise turn of events, I'm going to be both watching and live blogging the Emmys which I have almost no interest whatsoever! So get excited for the scintillating commentary to come! There may be guests! There may not be guests! Here goes nothing/something! (The most recent updates will be on top.)

"The helicopter pilot on the raw feed said that the body is in 'a gold casket with flowers on top.' Someone else emailed me to say that Jackson is being buried without his brain, because they needed it to finish toxicology. There's something eerie about so many people watching Michael Jackson in death. I'll try to figure out exactly what it is as we go through this massive, bloated, sad event." The New Yorker is liveblogging the Michael Jackson funeral. [Hack joke follows.] Yes, the New Yorker.

Are you tired of gimmicky livebloggers who care more about their gimmicks than the substance of the presidential debates? Tonight, at The Awl, put all that cheap trash aside and join your night typists Choire Sicha and Ken Layne for basically a deadly earnest typewritten version of "Talk of the Nation." JK, it will be a lot of outrage about Romney's sideburns and Obama's inner sadness and Candy Crowley's journamalism. DO NOT MISS IT, and please join our "Countdown To Democracy" beginning at 7 p.m., with actual debate liveblogging commencing with the actual debate, at 9 p.m.

When Joe Biden and Zombie Ayn Rand Paul Ryan begin their televised debate Thursday night, hundreds of professional media employees will be "liveblogging" the proceedings for hundreds of topical websites, from the New York Times to (maybe?) PerezHilton.com. Millions of otherwise sane humans will turn on the television and then frantically reload the websites of their favorite bloggers while simultaneously making their own jokes on Twitter, Facebook and probably in the comments of the aforementioned websites. After digesting and processing thousands of one-liners and spot reactions and weird jokes about the candidates' genitalia, the now-informed electorate will "pick the best candidate," which is a fake Big Bird account on [...]

Alex Balk (11:20): Since David Cho is never satisfied, we are once again shifting locations! Welcome back to the purgatory that is this year's Oscar ceremony. They just gave the Award For Thing In Non-English Language, but I was too busy setting this up, so I hope you were all able to make your own jokes about it. Anyway, let's RIDE THIS BITCH HOME.