Posts Tagged: Listicle Without Commentary

Taylor Swift's Analogies, In Order Of Incomprehensibility

23. You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard.

22. The moon like a spotlight on the lake.

21. Today was a fairytale.

20. I need you like a heartbeat.

19. Spinning like a girl in a brand-new dress.

18. You're just another picture to burn.

17. You call me up again just to break me like a promise.

16. Untouchable, like a distant diamond sky.


What Famous People Smell Like

• Tom Ford: "vanilla bean"

• Michelle Obama: "cherries"

• Cher: "a mermaid"

• Kevin Bacon: "a little mix of baby powder and Listerine"

• Rihanna: "coconut and vanilla"

• Gideon Yago: "that clean smell that really young children have, as if they've never been dirty"


Assorted Presidential Pets, In Order

29. Misty Malarky Ying Yang, a Siamese cat belonging to the President’s daughter (Carter)

28. Washington Post, Yellow-Headed Mexican parrot (McKinley)

27. Maude, pig (Teddy Roosevelt)

26. Old Whitey, a horse the President had used during wartime and from whose tail White House visitors would pull hairs to keep as souvenirs (Zachary Taylor)

25. Old Whiskers, an ill-tempered goat who once escaped the White House lawn and had to be chased down Pennsylvania Avenue (Harrison)

24. Sweet Lips, Scentwell, Drunkard, Taster, Tipsy, Tipler, Lady Rover, Searcher, Mopsey, Captain, Vulcan, and Cloe, hounds (Washington)


Nine Red Herrings Or Otherwise Extraneous Facts From 'Encyclopedia Brown, Boy Detective'

• "[H]e went home and asked his mother for a big piece of cardboard. She gave him a dress box from the Bon Ton Store, which she had been saving."

• "Encyclopedia did not lift his eyes from his book, How to Build a Nuclear Reactor."

• "The Tigers were busy racing garter snakes."

• "The [egg]-spinning field was the smooth marble slab under the statue of Thomas Edison."

• "The Browns were having left-over meatloaf for dinner one night when the telephone rang."


Customer Reviews For The Mother Casket From, $949.00 (Plus Shipping And Handling)

• "Everyone was very impressed with the idea of a Costco casket."

• "We decided to purchase the beautiful 'Mother Casket' after reading all 11 reviews with a score of 5 out of 5 stars."

• "The mortuary was familiar with the BRING YOUR OWN CASKET (BYOC)—although they did not tell me when the casket had arrived."

• "I think that my Mom would have been delighted with the purchase. She looked lovely with the lilac color of the casket."

• "It was much easier than standing in a room full of caskets trying to choose one."


43 Increasingly Precise Netflix Custom Genre Recommendations

43. Dysfunctional Family TV Dramas 42. Dark Biographical 20th Century Period Pieces 41. Classic Goofy Musicals 40. Critically-acclaimed Underdog Dramas 39. Suspenseful Spy Movies Based on Real Life 38. Quirky Crime TV Shows 37. Feel-good Opposites-Attract Movies 36. Revenge Movies 35. Gory Action & Adventure 34. Romantic Gay & Lesbian Coming-of-age Movies 33. Critically-acclaimed Nature & Ecology Documentaries 32. Gritty Conspiracy Movies 30. Controversial Courtroom Movies 31. Campy Prison Movies


Thirteen Things That Raw Cashew Nuts Look Like, In Order

13) No-frills paisleys

12) Shelled, deveined shrimp

11) New born opossums

10) Old-man toenails (fungus afflicted)

9) Botero nudes

8) Hippopotamus tusks


Other Cover Songs The Replacements Should Record For Their Reunion

  • "Reckoner," Radiohead
  • "The Big Guns," Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins
  • "Love Story," Taylor Swift
  • "You've Got a Friend In Me," Randy Newman

Other Things Missouri Representative Todd Akin Believes To Be True About The Uterus, Besides Its Ability To "Shut Down" A Legitimate Rape

• The average uterus is "cash only."

• When provoked or frightened, a uterus emits a high-pitched scream that instantly stuns its attacker.

• The natural enemies of the uterus are the locust, the hawk, the carpenter ant, and the witch.

• It is possible to use a uterus to determine the nearest source of fresh water or magnetic North but not both.

• A uterus will freeze at any temperature below that of 15C.


Grand Ole Opry Members Who Have Automatic Porn Names

• B.J. Thomas

• Bobby Bare

• Carrie Underwood

• Leroy Van Dyke

• Boxcar Willie

• Bashful Brother Oswald

• Rod Brasfield

• Ferlin Husky


Roman Emperors, Up To AD 476 And Not Including Usurpers, In Order Of How Hardcore Their Deaths Were

84-65 (tie). Titus (died in AD 81), Nerva (98), Trajan (117), Hadrian (138), Antoninus Pius (161), Marcus Aurelius (180), Septimius Severus (211), Tacitus (276), Constantius I (306), Gallerius (311), Constantine I (337), Constantius II (361), Theodosius I (395), Arcadius (408), Constantius III (421), Honorious (423), Marcian (457), Libius Severus (465), Olybrius (472), Leo I (474): Natural causes.

64. Vespasian (79): Natural causes; quipped "Uh oh, I think I'm becoming a God" as he died.

63. Diocletian (311): Abdicated voluntarily, lived for six more years in his vast palace compound tending to his vegetable gardens before dying of natural causes.

62. Romulus (~500): Forced to abdicate, sent off to [...]


32 YouTube Comments Inspired by Bobby Goldsboro’s “Honey”

• ahhh 1968..the 'good innocent part' I was 10 years old, and when me and my friends heard it for the first time, we cried…her going 'away' meant she was dying

• I loved this song when ot firtlst came out. I've lovedbit ever since. I could never list er n to it WI Rt hout balling befote it was half through. Apparently I still cant. thank you

• the first time i heard this song, my cat had just died and it came on the tv and just shook me. i love this song. i cry everytime


Stephen King Film And Television Adaptations (Excluding The Sequels And Remakes), In Order

52. Trucks 51. The Mangler 50. Sleepwalkers 49. Desperation 48. Grey Matter 47. Ghosts 46. Thinner 45. The Mist 44. Dolan’s Cadillac 43. The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer 42. Riding the Bullet 41. 1408 40. The Night Flier 39. Secret Window


The Seasons, In Order, As Ranked During The Season In Which One Is Considering The Seasons

Winter 4. Winter 3. Summer 2. Fall 1. Spring


Clearance-Sale Holiday Foodstuffs, In Order

13. Peeps

12. Manischewitz matzo crackers

11. Candy corn

10. Candy canes

9. Cranberry sauce

8. Leg of lamb


An Incomplete Survey of Newspapers, Magazines, Periodicals, and Books Being Read by Potential Jurors on Wednesday, July 25, 2012, in Baltimore City Circuit Court, Clarence M. Mitchell Jr. Courthouse Jury Duty Waiting Room

And When She Was Good by Laura Lippman

What We Talk About When We Talk About Anne Frank by Nathan Englander

A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail by Bill Bryson

• Something on a Kindle

The Baltimore Sun (5 instances)


Guided By Voices (Classic Lineup), 1992-1996, In Order

85. The Ugly Vision

84. Cigarette Tricks

83. Demons are Real

82. Ergo Space Pig

81. Some Drilling Implied

80. Pimple Zoo

79. Lord of Overstock

78. Particular Damaged

77. Don't Stop Now

76. You're Not an Airplane

75. A Big Fan of the Pigpen

74. Unleashed! The Large-Hearted Boy


Birds, From Worst To Best

Common Starling

• Canada Goose

• Mute Swan

• Yellow-throated Warbler

• Bald Eagle

• Cockatiel

• American Robin


Abandoned Listicles Without Commentary, In Order Of How Close They Were To Completion

14. Pi, In Reverse Order

13. Manhattan's Best Urinals, In Order

12. The Varieties of Religious Experience

11. People I Have Been Confused For On The Street, In Order Of How Similar They Look To Me

10. Single-Season Sitcoms Of The Seventies, In Order


Religious Observances, In Order Of Popularity With Secular America

35. Makahiki 34. L. Ron Hubbard's Birthday 33. Solstices 32. Pioneer Day 30 and 31. Eid al-Adha & Eid al-Fitr (tied) 29. Purim 28. Diwali 27. Ramadan 26. Lent 25. Pesach 24. Epiphany 23. Equinoxes 22. Yom Kippur