Scalding Grease Normal Side Effect of Undrained McDonald's Sandwiches @11:35 AM
"When Frank Sutton bit into his sandwich, scalding grease 'flew all over his mouth,' a fellow diner recalled. Mr. Sutton’s wife took ice from her drink and applied it to his face, but his lips blistered. When he told one of the employees, he testified that she said 'this is what happens' to the sandwiches 'when they aren’t drained completely.'"
—Apparently, the obesity epidemic is not working fast enough for the folks at McDonald's, who are always coming up with new and better ways to hurt people with fried chicken. Makes those Olympics commercials suggesting the world's top athletes maintain their supreme physical fitness by eating french fries and chicken McNuggets seem even more insidious. 9
Dan Rather's Lawsuit Against CBS Tossed @2:05 PM
A New York Supreme Court appeals panel has dismissed Dan Rather's $70 million breach-of-contract lawsuit against CBS. The court found his argument that "he could have had more remunerative employment than that which he ultimately obtained at HDNet is unavailing," but, c'mon, the guy works for HDNet. You'd think the facts speak for themselves there. 3
Franz Kafka Imbroglio Seems Oddly Familiar @4:15 PM
Sigh: "Before his death in 1924, Franz Kafka left his papers to Max Brod who rushed them out of Czechoslovakia ahead of the advancing Nazis. Now, the daughter of Brod's late secretary wants to sell them to a German institute. But the legal battle in Israel has become Kafka-esque." Presumably in the same way that Amazon's Kindle deletion of 1984 was Orwellian. 7
Marty Singer's Letter From Demi Moore to Perez Hilton @4:06 PM
Earlier we were discussing celebrity attorney Marty Singer's letter-writing skills. Here, for instance, is one for you to read! It is a response he wrote after the Demi Moore-Perez Hilton dustup, in which Demi called Perez a child-pornographer after he posted revealing photographs of her daugther—and he told her that he wouldn't let her 15-year-old daughter dress like a skank, essentially. What possible question of law is involved in any of this is beyond me—and yet Marty Singer is getting paid to craft letters such as the one that follows. READ MORE 17
Who's Afraid Of Marty Singer? @10:41 AM
Why do people take Marty Singer seriously? The cage-rattling, form-letter-rewriting Hollywood lawyer spews lawsuits like anxious starlets spew breakfast. Now, in his latest complaint, against Gawker, the New York Times refers to him as "the legendarily pugnacious Mr. Singer." The suit, according to Gawker (we have not read it, and as near as we can tell it has not been published online), asks for damages of $1 million—I know, seriously, what? A whole million dollars? You mean maybe six weeks of Gawker ad income? What a pitiful request!—for their publication of a video which depicted TV actors hanging out in states of undress. I have read and received letters from Marty Singer's office. You probably have too! They are often factually incorrect, distorting to actual events, and they create such a tenuous legal bubble of reasoning that one can barely take them seriously. They are particularly prone to insane misreadings of the texts that they complain about. Less experienced publishers find them frightening, mostly because they are 1. very long and 2. very irritating and 3. because Marty Singer (along with Lynda Goldman, and the rest of his crew) has worked very hard to establish his reputation as a bulldog or a terrier or whatever sort of dog is a tenacious ankle-biter. But the real sign you're in legal trouble with a celebrity is if they hire a lawyer who is not Marty Singer, and Gawker honcho Nick Denton is totally right to mock it on his Twitter. 9
Military Flack Debilitated By Prevarications @12:55 PM
British military press officer John Salisbury-Baker is suing the Ministry of Defense on a disability claim contending that being forced to tell "government lies" resulted in post-traumatic stress syndrome. Do with that what you will. 3
Real Estate Company In Twitter Lawsuit Unconcerned About Appearances @10:45 AM
"We're a 'sue first, ask questions later' kind of an organization," says Jeffrey Michael of Horizon Group Management, explaining why they never contacted the tenant whose Twitter post about her moldy apartment resulted in a $50,000 lawsuit and a flood of terrible publicity for the management firm. Good lord, is there an easier job than "Chicago lawyer" these days? 3
Chicago Twitterer Sued Over Real Estate Tweet @11:35 AM
On May 12th, Chicago resident Amanda Bonnen mentioned on her Twitter account that her apartment was moldy. Yesterday, Horizon Group Management, from whom she rents the apartment, filed a lawsuit against Bonnen, seeking judgement "in the amount in excess of $50,000" for the damaged sustained to its reputation as a landlord in Chicago. Bonnen, who has subsequently deleted her account, had 20 followers. I'm no expert, but I have to imagine a good number more than twenty people might now associate Horizon Group Management with moldy apartments because of this lawsuit. 8
Ratings Agencies Sued Over Top Ratings For Crap @11:50 AM
Extremely enjoying this lawsuit filed by the California Public Employees Retirement System. Their beef? They bought into "structured investment vehicles" which were given AAA ratings by Moody's and Standard and Poors. It is not a terrible point? I mean, if things are going to be rated, perhaps there might be a point to the ratings. Also however it is weird that they bought in at all, as "information about the securities in these packages was considered proprietary and not provided to the investors who bought them." Would you buy that? Oh well maybe you would. Semi-related! In the world of subsidies and government interference, who is more evil, Goldman Sachs or the corn farmers of America? You can make a pretty good case for it being the corn farmers. 18
News From Abroad @10:00 AM
"An 18-year-old Belgian housewife said Tuesday she will sue a local tattoo parlor, where she got 56 star tattoos on her face instead of the three as she had originally asked for." Why is "18-year-old housewife" the most striking part of that sentence?! (Oh yes, there is video.) 10
Toweling off @12:38 PM
The fatcats who control our nation's secretive paper towel industry are at war with one another, and the lawsuits are flying:
Procter & Gamble Co. filed suit May 8 against Georgia-Pacific in U.S. District Court in Cincinnati alleging bow-tie patterns in new-and-improved Brawny paper towels infringe the trademark bow-tie shapes in the quilts of P&G's Bounty Extra Soft.Brawny's "Great New Look" is "an obvious attempt to trade on the goodwill, reputation and commercial success achieved by Bounty Extra Soft," P&G says in its lawsuit.
Jesus, is it really on Wednesday? 4
Courtney Love To Sue Everyone Maybe @7:29 AM
Demon-love-magic-goddess Courtney Love has caught up with the identity thieves that have apparently been robbing Kurt Cobain's estate blind for most of the 00's. Now she is going to sue them all, says her lawyer. Isn't it neat when the evil people you imagine are stealing everything from you actually turn out to be real? There should be a German word for that. Also there should be a German word describing why your lawyer announces these things to the press. Normally, you just sue someone! Not announce you're going to sue someone. 0
