If you're the kind of lifelong dupe who bought a book by Lance Armstrong, there's really no helping you. But, still, the wheels of justice must turn, etc., and both law firms and the U.S. Postal Service depend upon those bulk-mailed class-action suit notices. So a couple of consumers in California have gone to federal court in hopes of making a big deal over the long-known truth about Lance Armstrong, the professional drug dealer and sports cheat.

Rob Stutzman and several others who bought Armstrong's "It's Not About The Bike" and "Every Second Counts" have filed a lawsuit in Sacramento federal court. It alleges Armstrong duped them into believing [...]

CBS New York News—that's the TV station that didn't employ Sue Simmons—is going big on how JFK airport is a hotbed of thefts in checked luggage. Their claim: there are 200 thefts a day, every day, from checked bags: "Baggage handlers, jetway workers and even security people are all in on the ongoing scam to steal you blind," is what they're screaming. Their big money quote is from "JFK security lawyer Kenneth Mollins." Did you know there was a kind of lawyer who was a "JFK security lawyer"? That seems unusual! Actually, Kenneth Mollins is a "personal injury attorney." He once:

• represented a client who sued [...]

At The Guardian, journalists who identify themselves as Guardian employees in their Twitter bios are advised to include a disclaimer such as, “These are my personal views and not those of my employer.”

Yeah, that's because the legal department would rather not carry all employees at all times on their libel insurance. So if you work in the media, at some places you're encouraged (sometimes even commanded) to use things like Twitter—but also apparently sometimes you're encouraged to actually make a disclaimer that your social media output isn't "work product." Shady! So then when you get sued, well, off you go, enjoy hiring your own defense. It's [...]

Former Florida Governor Charlie Crist can pardon Jim Morrison for a bogus obscenity bust, and officially apologize to David Byrne for using his music without permission. But he's really going to be in trouble when Raekwon finds out that he's wallpapered his offices with the album-cover artwork from 2009's Only Built 4 Cuban Linx… Pt. II.

Curmudgeonly Guns N' Roses frontman Axl Rose has sued his former manager Irving Azoff for $5 million, saying that Azoff sabotaged sales of 2008's forever-in-the-making Chinese Democracy and tried to screw up the band's live itinerary around the release of that album in hopes that Rose would begrudgingly reunite with the probably more lucrative Appetite For Destruction-era lineup of the group, despite there being many bygones to be bygoned on that front. The release of Chinese Democracy was certainly one that raised a lot more questions than it answered, and it would appear that this particular piece of litigation is something of an attempt to answer at least [...]

Sigh: "Before his death in 1924, Franz Kafka left his papers to Max Brod who rushed them out of Czechoslovakia ahead of the advancing Nazis. Now, the daughter of Brod's late secretary wants to sell them to a German institute. But the legal battle in Israel has become Kafka-esque." Presumably in the same way that Amazon's Kindle deletion of 1984 was Orwellian.

British military press officer John Salisbury-Baker is suing the Ministry of Defense on a disability claim contending that being forced to tell "government lies" resulted in post-traumatic stress syndrome. Do with that what you will.

I may never stop laughing. Here is some advice for how to accomplish price-fixing, which we have learned here in US v. Apple et al (PDF), the lawsuit filed by the Department of Justice against ebook sellers for conspiracy to fix prices with Apple, so as to undermine Amazon. (Fun fact: the defendants in the case account for a full half of Amazon's ebook revenue.)

"Double-deletion" of email is the apparently common practice of deleting an email in your inbox, then deleting it again in your trash. It also largely doesn't work.

Also, "pro tip": it really helps if you don't keep emails about double-deleting your emails [...]

While the lawsuit apparently filed today by the parent company of Nikki Finke's Deadline against the parent company of the Hollywood Reporter is largely about "misappropriating wholesale content" from Deadline, the fun begins when you see they accused the Reporter of straight up stealing code from their site TVLine. (The copyright infringement on the code seems pretty cut and dry. [PDF]) BUT THEN there's also a section on how the Reporter tried to "lure away" Deadline's employee, Ms. Finke, with a decent salary and a "ONE MILLION DOLLAR MALIBU HOME." Then there are like a thousand examples of stories that Deadline posted first and then the [...]

The mayor's office has twice rejected totally every-day requests to see emails between the mayor's office and Cathie Black, the short-time Schools Chancellor, while she was employed at Hearst Publications (as well as with any other people at Hearst). The reasoning? The documents are exempt from disclosure because they're inter- or intra-agency communications. That's weird, I guess we all own part of Cosmo now? Anyway, now the City is being sued for the emails, quite rightly.

According to this truly sketchy website, "if you feel unbalanced and generally worn down lately, it is probably because your biofield has fallen victim to the electromagnetic radiation around you." The answer is the iRenew bracelet, obviously. But one woman did not find that her electromagnetic radiation was dealt with properly by this bracelet! So she is suing the company: "Her attorney is asking that he be allowed to sue on behalf of the hundreds of people who bought the bracelets. He estimated damages at $5 million." Oh no, but I have been wearing it in my underpants!

"When Frank Sutton bit into his sandwich, scalding grease 'flew all over his mouth,' a fellow diner recalled. Mr. Sutton's wife took ice from her drink and applied it to his face, but his lips blistered. When he told one of the employees, he testified that she said 'this is what happens' to the sandwiches 'when they aren't drained completely.'" -Apparently, the obesity epidemic is not working fast enough for the folks at McDonald's, who are always coming up with new and better ways to hurt people with fried chicken. Makes those Olympics commercials suggesting the world's top athletes maintain their supreme physical fitness by eating french [...]