Posts Tagged: Jolie Kerr
5

The Delights Of 'Diamond Joe Biden: Vice Presidential Jams'

Show of hands for yes: did the internet turn on you this year?

Oh thank God, I'm not the only one. What in the world happened to the internet this year, you guys? The internet had, heretofore, been so delightful! Filled with all manner of fascinating learnings and point-and-stare characters and all those exclamation points!! Exclamation points for days!!! An embarrassment of exclamation points!!!!

It seems, however, that this year brought a new internet. A sullen one. A teenaged one, but without any of the fun teenaged antics like kegstands or unwanted pregnancies. This internet was all moderate-to-severe acne and monosyllabic responses.

There were, however, a few shining stars among [...]

35

How To Make Veggie And Chicken Stock

You probably know you should be making stock. It's easy and basically free and so much better than the canned or boxed junk you buy at the store, and it's a thing you need in so many recipes, like perhaps the ones you've been enjoying in the Deep Dish kickasserole series! Those are all great reasons, and we haven't even gotten to the smug-factor that comes with being able to say that you're a person who makes her own stock.

But probably you aren't making stock? Even though it's easy. And smug-making. Because—and here maybe you should sort of huddle around me so the stock-making evangelists among [...]

8

A Drynuary Diary: The Frothy Aftermath

John Ore: Oh, Jolie! I just had the strangest dream! And you were there and everyone here and…Kurt Loder?…And I remember that some of it wasn't very nice… but most of it was beautiful. But just the same, all I kept saying to everybody was, I want to go home. And they sent me home.

Jolie Kerr: Well you know what they say—there's no place like etc.! So hey, old friend, it feels like it's been years. Where ya been? How ya been? (Oh God, my head hurts so badly.)

John: Oh, you know, the usual: celebrating my wife's birthday with drinks at the Waldorf, celebrating [...]

23

A Drynuary Diary: Week Three, The Bargaining

Jolie Kerr: Merry Everythingisterriblenuary, John! Three weeks in. Are you as despondent as I am?

John Ore: It's the Doldrums of Drynuary. Adrift in the middle of the month, coping mechanisms running low, no land in sight, wind out of your sails. Brings up all sorts of existential questions. Also, I keep seeing an albatross for some reason.

Jolie: Week Three is basically the March of Drynuary. Oh but! Speaking of coping mechanisms, I have a question for you: why do I feel like bringing O'Doul's to a party is cheating? Rationally I know it's not, but I feel like it is? #feeeeelings

John: (My birthday is in March, so [...]

26

15 Recipes for Your Enormous Christmas Cookie Tray!!!

They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step to overcoming it. But what happens when you have no intention of changing, even after admitting that you have a problem? Sure I have a problem, but I rather like my particular brand of lunacy. It results in things like what we’re going to discuss today and I think we can all agree that what comes from this dark place is something no one is going to object to. (TO WHICH NO ONE WILL OBJECT, FINE.)

So here goes with the admission, and oooooooh man, even by my standards this is bad: for a few years now I’ve [...]

19

No-Rise Beer Bread for Idiots and Loons

There’s a thing that happens in the Fall and it always ends with random beers in your refrigerator. Which is fine if you’re normal, but perhaps you are a person who insists on being able to see the back wall of the fridge at all times and has a slight compulsion that causes you to remove price tags from foodstuffs and insist that all labels be facing forward? Because if you’re a person like that—not that you are—those stray beers rattling around inside your otherwise perfectly organized icebox might make you Shining-levels of crazy.

And sure, you could just drink the beers but perhaps you are also a person who [...]

46

Cherry Clafoutis

Putting aside for a moment that 'clafoutis' sounds like a venereal disease, clafoutis are super tasty and so easy that I’m actually thinking of not publishing this so people will still think I’m impressive (no one thinks I’m impressive) and they also are an excellent way to use up those cherries you bought because you are incapable of walking past a bag of cherries at the market without buying them but then you get them home and are all, “LOL what am I going to do with these cherries?!”

You’re going to make clafoutis, is what. And you could do it the gross New York Times way or [...]

15

How To Make Bourbon Salt

It's come to my attention that a request for bourbon salt has been made, and I feel that it's a safe assumption that if I don't take up this call to NaCl no one reputable will. Which makes me worried for those who wish to try some, who might otherwise be left to cast about, seeking out bourbon salt from sketchy characters and wandering into dark alleys at all times of the night and I already have enough to fret over. So here, I made you some bourbon salt.

Because I think of bourbon as stronger and sweeter than wine, I decided to go with a cup and a [...]

18

The Less-Gross, Super-Tasty Tater Tot Casserole

As we settle into the long, cold, dark days that come with the final slog through winter, we—your pals from The Awl and The Hairpin—will be bringing you some of our favorite casserole recipes (and crockery recommendations).

I'm not really sure why I woke up one day and decided that I absolutely had to have tater tot casserole, especially because I'd actually never had tater tot casserole before? But such was the state in which I found myself one random Sunday last year. And, as one does in this, our modern age, I hit Google in search of a recipe to try out. Except that oh dear [...]

39

Chicken Mushroom Casserole For The Lazy Snob

As we settle into the long, cold, dark days that come with the final slog through winter, we—your pals from The Awl and The Hairpin—will be bringing you some of our favorite casserole recipes (and crockery recommendations). But these won’t be just any old casseroles! No, no, that won't do at all. These are fancy casseroles—or at least, not-gross ones.

Truth be told, this is a recipe born of laziness.

You ever have those days where you decide upon waking up that you are simply not going to step foot outside your home, barring a house fire or catastrophic flood? I often find that the notion of [...]

53

A Drynuary Diary: Week Two

John Ore: Hey Jolie, welcome to our second installment of Ask A Temporarily Sober Person! Wasn’t the moon beautiful this weekend?

Jolie Kerr: You know? Usually I don’t support the anti-moon agenda put forth by this’n here website, but I do think it was awfully cruel of the universe to deliver unto us a full moon in convergence with our first full weekend of Drynuary, so I’ll bellow a hearty I DESPISE YOU, MOON in solidarity with our Alcoholic Overlords.

Right then, with that out of the way, we’ve just made it through our first, and arguably most challenging, sober weekend. Last week you said something [...]

12

Chicken & Waffle Popovers

My friend Matt is a great lover of bleach, guns, wigs, booze and chicken & waffles. And so, earlier this year when chicken & waffle cupcakes became a Thing On The Internet I knew without a doubt what we would be eating for breakfast on December 5th.

Every December 5, his birthday, the day goes something like this: At around 9 or 10 a.m., I scamper down the hallway to his apartment (even though we’re grown-ass adults we still choose to live dorm-style because it’s awesome) weighted down with packages and cupcakes and a bottle of bourbon. He makes coffee, into which we pour milk and Splenda and a [...]

52

Crack Brownies

It all started with one of those women who won’t give out her recipes. You know the sort. I suppose if I were a tougher lady, more Joan Collins-esque, I would have told her to stop being a ridiculous Greedy Gerty over her stupid brownie recipe and then thrown my drink in her face for good measure but the reality is that I’m the type of sucker who says, and really means, things like “I totally get it, no no, I completely understand—don’t give it another thought, you’re so sweet to even apologize.”

However.

While I may be a simpering twit, I’m also a touch competitive. So as [...]

30

Savory Pesto Muffins

Question: Do you have basil coming out of your ears right now? And also possibly large buckets of pesto staring judgmentally at you? "Why aren’t you using me, you unusing unuser?" No? Well, can you come over and help a sister out? Because I baked three (THREE!) dozen pesto muffins this weekend and I still have vats of pesto hanging around my house and also, like, branches of basil that I’ve plucked out of my ears.

Anyway, wanna learn how to make pesto muffins? I bet you do. Ready? You’re so ready.

10

Roman Bean Casserole

As we settle into the long, cold, dark days that come with the final slog through winter, we—your pals from The Awl and The Hairpin—will be bringing you some of our favorite casserole recipes (and crockery recommendations). But these won’t be just any old casseroles! No, no, that won't do at all. These are fancy casseroles—or at least, not-gross ones.

Ave and happy Ides of March! If you haven't been too busy being ware today, perhaps you might be interested in making a thematic vegetarian casserole or side dish to celebrate one of the more thrilling days of the calendar? What do you mean you're not thrilled [...]

29

Greek-Style Orzo Casserole

As we settle into the long, cold, dark days that come with the final slog through winter, we—your pals from The Awl and The Hairpin—will be bringing you some of our favorite casserole recipes (and crockery recommendations). But these won’t be just any old casseroles! No, no, that won't do at all. These are fancy casseroles—or at least, not-gross ones.

Be a love and come sit by me so we can have a quiet discussion about how Martha Stewart's recipes are terrible. Shhhhhh, not so loud! Cripes, she might hear you and then we'll all be done for. Death by glue gun and glimpses of Baby [...]

17

A Drynuary Diary: Week Four, The Wettening

John Ore: Hey, Jolie! We're in the home stretch now, only a couple of days to go and we can close the books on another successful January of not drinking. A little solidarity and we can get through this final weekend.

Jolie Kerr: HA HA, SUCKER YOU FORGOT: I GET TO DRINK TONIGHT. WOOO!

John: [long, unblinking stare] You know I'm happy for you. I really am. Like when Andy Dufresne busted out of Shawshank. You're happy for him, you miss him, and you hope to join him one day. But you're also a little scared for him out there, facing the world alone. You don't want him to end [...]

52

A Drynuary Diary: Week One

Jolie Kerr: Bon L’(h)iver, John! I’ve actually been looking forward to this Drynuary! I know, I’m as surprised as you are! But it’s because, unlike last year, I don’t see this month as a desperate attempt to dry out… despite the fact that December basically looked like the picture above, taken by you, at a certain holiday party.

This go-round, my attitude is that this is an opportunity and that feels pretty cool and exciting. When we last chatted, I mentioned that 2011 had started out as a teenaged butthole of a year, and it sort of ended that way too. But! There were some awesome [...]

36

From Now On, You Have to Make Your Own Red Velvet Cupcakes

I make a mean red velvet cake and cupcake. It has more cocoa powder and less flour in it than the Paula Deen recipe I used the first time I tried my hand at red velvet, and it is super moist and crazy red. The cream cheese frosting is waaaay less sweet than the miserable dreck that so often sullies the good name of the best frosting in all of Frostingham. But I won't make them for you. You have to make your own red velvet and here’s why: I despise red velvet cake.

First of all, it takes white vinegar. Which? You can’t see me right now but [...]

93

Bugs, In Order

36. Bedbugs 35. Lice 34. Cicadas 33. Locusts 32. Scorpions 31. Termites 30. Ticks 29. Mosquitoes 28. Roaches 27. Beetles 26. Water bugs 25. Scabies