It's not too late! Valentine's Day can be salvaged, you procrastinators! Duane Reade may be wiped out of everything except Strawberry-flavored Three Musketeer bars (Ew. And then also Yum. And then back to Ew.) I may think that love is an illusion. And that Valentine's Day is not actually about love, it's about out-loving everybody else with the perfection of your relationship's love. When your relationship probably needs some work, like everybody else's. But that's no reason for you to get jacked up by your sweetie for screwing up Valentine's Day (possibly again?). I'm your poetry pal. And poetry is only useful culturally when you want to get laid or [...]
January 20, San Francisco -4 at Atlanta
NO ONE THINKS THE FALCONS ARE GOOD ENOUGH: A VILLANELLE
No one thinks the Falcons are good enough, Even though they finally won a playoff game. The Niners are a complete team, they will be tough.
Quarterback Matt Ryan surely has the right stuff. Running back Michael Turner has been kind of lame. No one thinks the Falcons are good enough.
Thursday, December 13
Cincinnati -4.5 At Philadelphia
Bengals have taken the last few weeks off but the Eagles off all year. PICK: BENGALS
Sunday, December 16
Green Bay -3 At Chicago
Without Urlacher Bears Defense looks gooey like a deep crust pizza. PICK: PACKERS
There are several puzzling parts in Suzanne Venker's article "The war on men" from this weekend, not least this paragraph: "In a nutshell, the women are angry. They’re also defensive, though often unknowingly. That’s because they’ve been raised to think of men as the enemy. Armed with this new attitude, women pushed men off their pedestal (women had their own pedestal, but feminists convinced them otherwise) and climbed up to take what they were taught to believe was rightfully theirs." Here's a sentence-by-sentence reading of what it all might mean.
Thursday, November 8
Indianapolis -3.5 At Jacksonville
Jags on National Television! It's like why they canceled "Joey." PICK: COLTS
Sunday, November 11
At New England -11 Buffalo
Patriots, coming off the Bye, have installed spy helmet cameras. PICK: PATS
So you didn't win a Nobel Prize in Literature this week. Unless your name is Mr. Mo. Although, if you live in Europe, you did win a consolation Nobel Peace Prize at least. (Giving the Nobel Peace Prize to the European Union is like giving an Oscar to Alf.) Anyway, I know, it’s total bullshit. You totally deserved it. But you might just be a calendar year away from getting the recognition you so obviously deserve. Let me show you the way.
I waited by the phone all week for that congratulatory call from overseas myself! Not for the stuff I’ve already written, which, let’s admit, is pretty amazing. But [...]
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 27
At Baltimore -12 Cleveland
Browns have a chance if all the Ravens players get themselves arrested. PICK: BROWNS
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 30
New England -4 At Buffalo
Last time the Pats lost three games straight Massasoit was the quarterback. PICK: PATS
At Detroit -5 Minnesota
Lions' coach's weird plan to lose in overtime last week worked out great. PICK: LIONS
