"Why don't we care whether Jessica Simpson is pregnant?" Seriously. WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?

I mean, really, it wouldn't have been very different from what Portfolio would have put out anyway, right? If Vanity Fair had just been a little less selfish the whole thing could have turned out very differently.

[Graphic Artist: Todd Grantham]

Tavern On The Green's new life: a snack bar/gift shop/visitor center. I can't help but wonder if having an episode of Newlyweds: Nick And Jessica shot there during that sorta-reality show's mid-'00s heyday was something of a hex on the place. Although is being a front for maps really all that worse than being saved by the glob of ego and hair-replacement products that is Donald Trump? ("It really is a special place. Only a person with a lot of money can rebuild and resurrect Tavern. And I have a lot of money," The Donald told the Times.) [Via / Pic via]

Finally! Vanity Fair has done the definitive, intelligent profile of Jessica Simpson!

In a certifiably tragic event, Jessica Simpson's dog was abducted by a prairie jackal. "My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes," she writes. "HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!" So the comment below this picture which reads "I have spotted the dog in a box marked 'ACME' being chased by a Roadrunner," is at best unhelpful and at worst inaccurate: The roadrunner never chased the coyote, it was the other way around. For shame, people.