The publication of The Lifespan of a Fact, which is based on seven years of email exchanges between writer John D'Agata and fact-checker Jim Fingal, has prompted a lot of thoughtful discussion (an excerpt from the book ran in this month's Harper's). Unmentioned up till now, however, is that while D'Agata was emailing with Fingal, he also was engaged in a tense exchange with another fact-checker charged with readying one of his essays for publication. It was to be an epic piece of writing: concerned with the depletion of Lake Michigan's resident sturgeon population due to faulty Federal government practices, the essay also included relevant meditations [...]

Do you believe in heaven? Will you “make it” up there, one day? Looking down on your loved ones for all of eternity? Do you think looking down on your loved ones for all of eternity sounds like heaven? Does it sound pleasurable? Being able to see what your kids, relatives and friends are up to and not being able to do anything about it? Except for maybe sending them a sign? Do you really believe you could send a “sign” that one of them would understand? Wouldn’t be too cryptic?

Don’t you think that if everyone in heaven could send a sign to someone on earth, it [...]

Jeff: I thought of two coaches we haven't talked about nearly enough. Jeff Fisher—who also employs wanton-bounty-finagler Chuck Cecil and whose team has not played since week 9? And then there’s Texans’ coach Gary Kubiak.

David: The poor, neglected AFC South. Teams I don’t care about playing in cities I don’t want to visit. Of the two of those coaches, Fisher’s the one I’ve actually thought more about, if only because he’s seemingly living this hilariously CBS-inspired Nascar Dad life. Always driving to the bad part of town to find out What Really Happened with his star wide receiver at the club that night. The idea would be like [...]

You've always wanted to try fantasy football, but you were worried that doing so would make you irresistibly attractive to members of the opposite sex. At work, people knowing you even dabbled in fantasy football would mean you'd be stuck taking regular breaks to accept on-the-spot sexual favors. Or, failing that, you keep meaning to watch the Detroit Lions lose by three scores on Thanksgiving afternoon, but are torn because sitting in a turkey-rank dining room drinking too sweet wine, talking about "life" with friends and family members is equally compelling.

This all gets fixed today.

Jeff: Do you think if Carl Paladino had been elected governor one of his first executive acts would have been to force the Buffalo Bills to invade Scotland? "To save New York, we must squash Scotland like a cheap vase underneath the wheels of a 1983 Ford Econoline van. Get on this pontoon boat, boys. We’re going to steal their rum. As long as men in skirts are still putting their lips to pipes, we’re going for it. I’ve drawn it all up on parchment papers and burned the edges. It’s go time, ladies." It’s a real shame that being an extreme asshole didn’t pay off for him, since [...]

A charming series of digressions in which two gentlemen of leisure reflect on the game of football and its surrounding culture.

Jeff: Why does Parcells want to quit the Dolphins now? I read that he is slowly extracting himself. Are things too normal for him there?

David: His work is done there. I think he just wants to get back to coaching, to the fun part. You know, calling younger dudes faggots in the press. Does Parcells actually want to quit? I imagine him just stalking around some instant mansion in Alpine, New Jersey, screaming at paintings.

Dear Jonah Goldberg,

Did we really go to the same dragon movie? And you watched it twice with your proto-meta-pseudo-post-Hollyweird-what-spineless-moral-would-liberal-wusses-bury-in-it glasses? Because I just watched it with some giant gray IMAX goggles. And I didn't see some "in life, there are no villains," subtext. I just saw a bunch of fatheaded Vikings who were stubbornly torching a lot of their own resources, energy and lives stuck fighting an enemy primarily because they were morons who lived on a tiny island where all of their Viking stuff-like sheep, for example, were easy pickins' for predators. (Incidentally, I thought Vikings, you know, explored more, got the hell out of [...]

Is there anything playing in movie theaters this summer? I love Owen Wilson, but seeing him strolling in Dockers in that Midnight in Paris poster turned me off. I loved Bridesmaids, though I was disheartened to hear some of the dialogue they expected me to believe Jill Clayburgh's character would say. Also, it could have been whittled down from its six-hour running time. Beyond that, there's what? Are you really going to see Thor and Green Lantern? If it’s not a sequel to a kids movie or a film about a superhero, it's just not in theaters. That's a shame. Here's a handful of movie ideas that would put [...]

Jeff: I don’t need Rex Ryan to put the brakes on his cockiness at this point. It’s like he’s already had an orgasm and is now reaching for cigarettes or a remote.

David: Jesus, does it have to be like that?

Jeff: Sorry for the visual.

David: Can’t it be like he just ate a three-foot long veal parm hero and is daubing ranch dressing off his mouth with a napkin—because Ryan dips parm sandwiches in ranch, der—and being glad he’s wearing sweatpants? Actually that is also gross. There is no way for this not to be gross. Why did you bring this up?

Jeff: I am ready to talk about anything but the Jets.

David: I think that’s best. Fans are organizing sit-ins at Buffalo Wild Wings establishments across Long Island. North Jersey Living is spiking its “Rex Ryan On Veal Chops, Khakis and Looking Good At 275” feature. Fireman Ed Anzalone has been weepily sliding down the fireman’s pole, over and over again, at the Center Islip firehouse he calls home, and is refusing to spell any word aloud. It’s pretty bad.

David: If losing a football game feels like what Todd Haley looked like while he was scolding Josh McDaniels instead of shaking his hand after last Sunday's Chiefs game, it must really suck.

Jeff: I like the idea of an angrier Haley. That he can’t get over some indignity and it festers. But, sadly, he apologized already to Broncos coach Josh McDaniels, like a day later. It’s important because there’s maybe one good football team west of the Mississippi, and a feud like this would have put them back on the map.

Dear New England Patriots,

Thanks for ruining my kid’s Halloween. Given a choice of either trick-or-treating or seeing the Vikings vs. the Patriots, my 6 year-old chose to endure a four-hour car ride and attend his first ever NFL game. What he got in return was a swift kick in the pumpkins when you made him turn in his “dangerous” costume before he could enter Gillette Stadium. Truth be told, he didn’t even care about wearing his costume to the game, but I guess we were emboldened and delighted by YOUR statement to fans and the media.

The conversation continues. WARNING: Only as valid, logical and relevant as two confused men yammering at a tavern. Do not use this as a tool from which to make wagers.

Jeff: Are we supposed to know Pete Carroll is coaching in Seattle this year? And by we, I mean anyone in North America.

David: I only vaguely remember that Seattle is in the NFL anymore. I now have two of their crummy RBs on one of my fantasy teams. But that's about it.