The Awl http://www.theawl.com/ Be Less Stupid Tue, 26 Jan 2010 12:00:04 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.2 Japanese Soccer Robot Will Maim World Cup Opponents http://www.theawl.com/2010/01/japanese-soccer-robot-will-maim-world-cup-opponents http://www.theawl.com/2010/01/japanese-soccer-robot-will-maim-world-cup-opponents#comments Tue, 26 Jan 2010 12:00:04 +0000 Dave Bry http://www.theawl.com/2010/01/japanese-soccer-robot-will-maim-world-cup-opponents
Frustrated by the fact that their country has never won a World Cup soccer championship, Japanese scientists have developed a robot that can kick a soccer ball over 200 kilometers an hour. (That's about 125 MPH in American.) Japan hopes to field a team of these motorized super-players in this year's tournament, which kicks off in South Africa in June. As demonstrated in the horrific video above, the potentially lethal machine can blast appendages off any defender foolhardy enough to try to defend the net. "Do not stand in the way of our soccer robot's power," warned Japan's Minister of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology, Tatsuo Kawabata. "We will achieve a World Cup victory. We will stop at nothing."

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Frustrated by the fact that their country has never won a World Cup soccer championship, Japanese scientists have developed a robot that can kick a soccer ball over 200 kilometers an hour. (That's about 125 MPH in American.) Japan hopes to field a team of these motorized super-players in this year's tournament, which kicks off in South Africa in June. As demonstrated in the horrific video above, the potentially lethal machine can blast appendages off any defender foolhardy enough to try to defend the net. "Do not stand in the way of our soccer robot's power," warned Japan's Minister of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology, Tatsuo Kawabata. "We will achieve a World Cup victory. We will stop at nothing."

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2010/01/japanese-soccer-robot-will-maim-world-cup-opponents/feed 14 Japanese to be Responsible for the Downfall of Man, All Thanks to Eyeglasses That Tell You When to Blink http://www.theawl.com/2009/10/japanese-to-be-responsible-for-the-downfall-of-man-all-thanks-to-eyeglasses-that-tell-you-when-to-blink http://www.theawl.com/2009/10/japanese-to-be-responsible-for-the-downfall-of-man-all-thanks-to-eyeglasses-that-tell-you-when-to-blink#comments Tue, 27 Oct 2009 15:28:55 +0000 Mary HK Choi http://www.theawl.com/2009/10/japanese-to-be-responsible-for-the-downfall-of-man-all-thanks-to-eyeglasses-that-tell-you-when-to-blink the eyes have it
BAAAAAAAAAAARRRRFFFF! Seriously guys? You're going to create a special kind of glasses for the slothful fuckwits amongst us that can't get it together enough to blink with a frequency that'll make their eyes not hurt? BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO BUSY INTERNET BROWSING AND PLAYING VIDEO GAMES? Why are you rewarding this kind of behavior? Oh God, we're all going to evolve into blobs and it's Japan's fault. And of course this is the same company that makes Sarah Palin's designer specs as well. Of course.

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]]> the eyes have it
BAAAAAAAAAAARRRRFFFF! Seriously guys? You're going to create a special kind of glasses for the slothful fuckwits amongst us that can't get it together enough to blink with a frequency that'll make their eyes not hurt? BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO BUSY INTERNET BROWSING AND PLAYING VIDEO GAMES? Why are you rewarding this kind of behavior? Oh God, we're all going to evolve into blobs and it's Japan's fault. And of course this is the same company that makes Sarah Palin's designer specs as well. Of course.

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]]> http://www.theawl.com/2009/10/japanese-to-be-responsible-for-the-downfall-of-man-all-thanks-to-eyeglasses-that-tell-you-when-to-blink/feed 11