"You'll get up to 2,000 euros … Do not touch his balls. You need the money. Put on some music, take out the [inaudible], swallow the Viagra, and adelante!" Annnd that is how the pimps work in the Vatican. Unless this wiretap transcript was somehow misconstrued? MAYBE, like with Rod Blagojevich, and who knew any of us would still be able to spell that name without Googling it, that was a perfectly innocent conversation between the fella who allegedly handled the choir boys at St. Peter's and the former head of the Holy See's Public Works Department, which, I'm sorry, I have to go WORK ON MY SCREENPLAY ABOUT [...]

Yesterday was such a phenomenal shit-show that, this morning, I thought: maybe for the first time ever I'd better check my horoscope? (I was inspired by Maura Johnston, who checked hers this morning and… basically got a weather report?) Mine is way more exciting though! Oh, fellow Scorpios, are you ready for what Astrology.com has in store for you?