Posts Tagged: Humanity
8

Zoo Stories

After they dined on Napoleon’s horses, the Parisians ate all the feral cats and stray dogs they could find. It was 1870, and the real politicking of Otto von Bismarck had brought Prussian forces to France. The siege of Paris began on September 19th, and over the next four months the Parisians would eat every horse, donkey, dog, cat and rat within the city’s walls. When they ran out of those, they turned to the city’s zoo, in the Jardin de Plantes.

The deer and antelope were the first to go, looking comfortably like the horses and donkeys that had filled menus during the first few weeks of the [...]

3

"This Was Prime Time"

A found poem from the Miley Cyrus FCC complaints.

Being a Christian I’m taking a stand against using a “Fanatic’s finger” as if it were a phallus.

A lady would never conduct herself like that.

She put her face in a fake butt, indicating oral sex, dog sex, acting like a devil, flicking that tongue—

as daemons do.

May God help this nation, that whore acted like a bitch in heat. I would have taken her to Tijuana.

Good Heavens! I’m certainly no prude. But this was much worse than that disaster with one of the Jackson girls. Her gestures have crossed the line into a [...]

7

For The First Time Ever, We Thoroughly Agree With The 'National Review' Crazies

The lady seated to my immediate right (very close quarters on bench seating) was fairly insistent about using her phone. I asked her to turn it off. She answered: “So don’t look.” I asked her whether I had missed something during the very pointed announcements to please turn off your phones, perhaps a special exemption granted for her. She suggested that I should mind my own business.

So I minded my own business by utilizing my famously feline agility to deftly snatch the phone out of her hand and toss it across the room, where it would do no more damage.

Good for you! Behavior at the [...]