Given my degenerate lifestyle-a fairly obvious subconscious attempt to do myself harm by stealth-it is almost inevitable that I will wind up in a hospital at some point, probably soon. If anyone out there somehow manages to oversee it, do me a favor and make sure it's one of the types that serves booze. I'll be ever so grateful.

I frequently meet people, most of them young and poor, who are burdened by debts to emergency rooms, and I am always shocked that these people with no money are even considering paying. Here is how it is done, in a strangely servicey explanation from Vice.

When you die in the ER, if you are an organ donor, your organs are not harvested! But now an emergency room-based project, funded by the organ-craving socialists at the Department of Health and Human Services, promises to steal away your organs before you are even brain dead, so as to save other people who need your kidneys and things. There are "questions"! From "some" who think ER doctors "might not do everything possible to save patients and may even hasten their deaths, to increase the chance of obtaining organs." Yes. That's how ER doctors are. Just ready to kill you for your eyeballs. Also? "Experts" are concerned that [...]

Americans are comparison-shopping for emergency room services, because we are smart. For instance! "When Heather Staples' 6-year-old daughter, Sophia, fell and cut her eyebrow, Staples knew her daughter might need stitches. But instead of running straight to an emergency room, Staples took a few minutes to compare prices at nearby emergency rooms." She saved $500, therefore only paying $1200 for some needle and thread. We all know where this is going. Seriously you lazy woman, get a fish hook and some plastic thread and sew that little klutz up yourself.